04/20/2011
Pat and I went to
Mass to visit my nana as much as we could because it was evident that nana was
getting sicker. She told me that she wanted to see me get married and settle
down.
When we came back
to Florida Pat was telling me some very sad things that I don't believe any 5
year old should be muttering like, "I want to die and go to
heaven." I asked Pat, "How do you suppose you would die?" Pat
said, "Get beaten to death." Then I told my son, "Getting beaten
would not kill you just hurt a lot." Then I hugged him tight and said,
"That can't happen. Do you know how much I would miss you? I can't live
without you."
I was worried about Pat. Was this normal? I had many questions so
I involved Pat in some mental health services. He stated to the therapist that
he did hurt himself once but it did not make him feel any better and the
psychologist diagnosed mood disorder NOS and Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
Then Pat at the age of six told his counselor that Saul hit him
with a belt leaving a mark. When Pat tried to confront the investigators with
the truth they reported what he said but did nothing to protect him.
Of course Saul just denied everything and mentioned to me about
throwing Pat to the alligators if I spoke out against him. If I had to pick the
lesser of two evils I chose to back up Saul but now I wish that I had chosen to
believe my son because it was quite obvious that he was crying out for help and
now I wish I would've been more supportive. I just thought I could
protect him myself. Get in the middle of whatever was going on between them
two.
Now I have come to realize that being a mother just isn't enough.
Speaking the truth isn't enough. We have no power over the authorities doing
justice by our children.
I'm sorry Pat. Mommy wanted to save you.... I hate myself for
allowing any of it. I AM TRYING MY BEST TO BE STRONG FOR YOU PAPI MAMI LOVES YOU. ............................................................
