Chapter 45- Pat the truth is....

06/11/2015

Saul and I discussed that it was time he moved out, for us living together was becoming way too awkward. It was not working out for the two of us. He moved into his parents apartment. We both agreed to sit down and tell the truth to Pat once he got home from school.

We all sat around the dining room table and had a discussion with Pat. "Listen, son first of all we want you to know that none of this is any of your fault and that you have done nothing wrong. Daddy and mommy are still your parents who love you, but we are just not going to be living together anymore." B said to Pat, "I'm sorry baby this is all our fault and has absolutely nothing to do with you or your brother we believe it is best for now until we figure out what really makes us happy. So your dad is moving over to Papa and Abuela's place for awhile." Pat responded, "No! I don't want him to."

Saul said, "There is something else you must know also we need to do a test. It won't hurt. Just a piece of your hair or saliva to check your DNA. There is a possibility that you may not be my son. Uncle Primo may be your dad." Pat said, "Uncle Primo!" "Yeah!" B said.

Omg finally the truth be told, but still almost two-three years lator and do we have the paternity test result's? NO!
The proof is in the pudding?
Who is the baby's daddy?
Inquiring minds wanna know.
Well, at least the mother and son want to know. Obviously the father's are too scared or they would have given up their specimens a decade ago. I could just see the look of disappointment in Pat's face knowing that I had kept this secret from him his whole life, but when is a good time to tell a child the truth about who his real father is? He was now nine years old and it was complicated enough as it was for the three of us without including Pat. Now he was in the loop and it was only fair that we get results, which still remains to be seen because I have been completely alienated from my children at this time. I don't know if Pat even know's the truth or not, but I do know the truth because I know who I made love to and when son.

All I know in my heart is that I loved my Pat more than anything in this world he is the sweetest most sensitive boy really. He tried everything to keep his father and I together. He wrote a letter and gave it to me pretending it was written by Saul in Pat's handwriting apologizing to me so we wouldn't fight anymore. I felt horrible breaking up with Saul like I was letting my son down. Which was the biggest reason why I put up with the relationship for so long. I couldn't understand it either because Saul would treat Pat awful, but Pat still loved him.

06/15/15
One night Saul brought Jr and Pat home he was all drunk (DUI) and upset because Papa and him got into a fight, because papa hit Jr. off the head with the remote control. Now this is the third or fourth traumatic head injury that we know about that has happened within the last two year's. God only knows if there has been more let's pray for his sake not.:( I'm a very worried mommy right now. 😞 sick.

Chapter 44- Inspirational Creativity (just scroll all the way down to read. Editing is being a bitch)

Bea became inspired to write again and to create lyrics. She had the urge to branch out and collaborate with other musicians to blend these lyrics with others music. Bea started blending her lyrics over other musician's tracks on soundcloud and discovered her creative collaborative expression and this felt liberating. 

Bea then began to question herself. Whatever happened to my dream of becoming a singer?

Bea prayed about it and GOD answered her by calling her back in and showing me that it is never too late. Bea realized then that what she needed was to move forward and embrace her gift to transcend a very important message that needed to be heard. 

Lyrics and melody's started coming out of nowhere. She would be in the shower and a song would come to her. She had to jump out of the shower and write it down before she forgot it, until Bea realized that she could use her voice recorder to catch the lyrics. It was like she was encompassing a spiritual awakening, and she desired to share it with the world. How? Was the question.  

Bea started branching out and meeting other musicians in the community. One gentleman, Clyde, she met on first Friday in St. Petersburg. He was already becoming a prominent musician there. Bea decided to call him and get together to see if she still had the spark to perform.

She first set out on her journey to a hot spot called Mad Hatters Ethnobotanical Tea Bar, which was the first kava and karaton bar she had ever encountered. That place has an amazing staff and very inviting atmosphere. She got a hooka and found the expertise of the staff helpful and highly recommend for anyone first trying kava. They made it a very chill experience. 

As she sat enjoying the ambiance and the hooka that was purchased, a young gentleman approached her. I don't recall his name, but he shared with her his gift of musical expression as well, and Bea asked him if he wanted to perform with her tonight. He agreed and we learned a song by Deelite, Grove Is In The Heart.

She sent a text message to Clyde... 

B: What club you at again?

Clyde: Heading to ringside right now, 2nd and central.

Bea told her friend and they both jumped on the scooter and headed downtown. They both sat at the bar and Bea shot Clyde another text.

B: I'm here now

Clyde : Where are you? Haha..I'm sitting out front, didn't see you inside. I guess text me when you're really there lol...

Bea  looked around and didn't see him.  Bea thought to herself.... is this a joke? Well I will step outside and scope it out. 

Bea didn't see Clyde and sent him another text.

B: Im outside. Where r you?

Finally Clyde walked into the bar and Bea reconnected with him. He told me her his band was not able to play the song she selected and Bea kind of felt bad that she had dragged this boy here to help her sing it. 

Then Clyde pulled her over to the side and asked her; "What is he doing here?" She told him; "Well he is going to sing the song with me." Clyde retorted, "You don't want to be hanging around that kind of riff raff it will present a bad image." I respected his opinion, but it did sound kind of prejudice of him.

Bea stepped on his stage and sang Me And Bobby McGee by Janis Joplin and then Clyde asked her if she can sing anything else. Bea rambled off a bunch of other songs she knew and he picked a song by George Michael, Faith. 

Bea felt very comfortable and in her element on that stage. It finally seemed as if she found her calling. The only question now was, who is going to be my band? Clyde had already developed his own band so in actuality he was  Bea's competition and after hearing her sing I believe he began to realize that as well, but he did give Bea some pertinent advice. Clyde told Bea, "B, you need to take the time to get to know your own sound and music. Put on your headphones and play it over and over until you feel what your singing, and believe the message your willing to portray."

After Bea left the ringside and drove my friend back home Bea kept thinking about the advice Clyde gave her  and she acknowledged his theory to be genuine and true. That is exactly what Bea did and she followed up with a text message to thank him.

B: Hey Clyde, I just wanted to say Thank you very much for inviting me to your gig last night. Not many musicians allow that especially lead singers in bands. I really appreciate it, I do. I really needed an outlet and it felt awesome. I feel like my old self again. I should start working on some creative songs of my own. Anytime you make an appearance please text me and I'll try to make It.             Thanks again                     B

Bea's experience was very genuine. Her creative music venture blossomed from there

Bea was so inspired and feeling all her emotions intensely. All her happiness, sadness excitement, triump, courage, and strength. She had a vision of her old dreams submerging to the surface. 

Bea became inspired to write again and to create lyrics. She had the urge to branch out and collaborate with other musicians to blend these lyrics with others music. Bea started blending her lyrics over other musician's tracks on soundcloud and discovered her creative collaborative expression and this felt liberating. 

Bea then began to question herself. Whatever happened to my dream of becoming a singer?

Bea prayed about it and GOD answered her by calling her back in and showing me that it is never too late. Bea realized then that what she needed was to move forward and embrace her gift to transcend a very important message that needed to be heard. 

Lyrics and melody's started coming out of nowhere. She would be in the shower and a song would come to her. She had to jump out of the shower and write it down before she forgot it, until Bea realized that she could use her voice recorder to catch the lyrics. It was like she was encompassing a spiritual awakening, and she desired to share it with the world. How? Was the question.  

Bea started branching out and meeting other musicians in the community. One gentleman, Clyde, she met on first Friday in St. Petersburg. He was already becoming a prominent musician there. Bea decided to call him and get together to see if she still had the spark to perform.

She first set out on her journey to a hot spot called Mad Hatters Ethnobotanical Tea Bar, which was the first kava and karaton bar she had ever encountered. That place has an amazing staff and very inviting atmosphere. She got a hooka and found the expertise of the staff helpful and highly recommend for anyone first trying kava. They made it a very chill experience. 

As she sat enjoying the ambiance and the hooka that was purchased, a young gentleman approached her. I don't recall his name, but he shared with her his gift of musical expression as well, and Bea asked him if he wanted to perform with her tonight. He agreed and we learned a song by Deelite, Grove Is In The Heart.

She sent a text message to Clyde... 

B: What club you at again?

Clyde: Heading to ringside right now, 2nd and central.

Bea told her friend and they both jumped on the scooter and headed downtown. They both sat at the bar and Bea shot Clyde another text.

B: I'm here now

Clyde : Where are you? Haha..I'm sitting out front, didn't see you inside. I guess text me when you're really there lol...

Bea  looked around and didn't see him.  Bea thought to herself.... is this a joke? Well I will step outside and scope it out. 

Bea didn't see Clyde and sent him another text.

B: Im outside. Where r you?

Finally Clyde walked into the bar and Bea reconnected with him. He told me her his band was not able to play the song she selected and Bea kind of felt bad that she had dragged this boy here to help her sing it. 

Then Clyde pulled her over to the side and asked her; "What is he doing here?" She told him; "Well he is going to sing the song with me." Clyde retorted, "You don't want to be hanging around that kind of riff raff it will present a bad image." I respected his opinion, but it did sound kind of prejudice of him.

Bea stepped on his stage and sang Me And Bobby McGee by Janis Joplin and then Clyde asked her if she can sing anything else. Bea rambled off a bunch of other songs she knew and he picked a song by George Michael, Faith. 

Bea felt very comfortable and in her element on that stage. It finally seemed as if she found her calling. The only question now was, who is going to be my band? Clyde had already developed his own band so in actuality he was  Bea's competition and after hearing her sing I believe he began to realize that as well, but he did give Bea some pertinent advice. Clyde told Bea, "B, you need to take the time to get to know your own sound and music. Put on your headphones and play it over and over until you feel what your singing, and believe the message your willing to portray."

After Bea left the ringside and drove my friend back home Bea kept thinking about the advice Clyde gave her  and she acknowledged his theory to be genuine and true. That is exactly what Bea did and she followed up with a text message to thank him.

B: Hey Clyde, I just wanted to say Thank you very much for inviting me to your gig last night. Not many musicians allow that especially lead singers in bands. I really appreciate it, I do. I really needed an outlet and it felt awesome. I feel like my old self again. I should start working on some creative songs of my own. Anytime you make an appearance please text me and I'll try to make It.             Thanks again                     B

Bea's experience was very genuine. Her creative music venture blossomed from there