Saturday, March 25, 2017

Chapter 33- A loaded barrell in my face

10/27/2014

It had been a while since I had spoken to Primo. I heard he had moved out of his parents place and got his own spot in Largo. I thought I would stop by and pay him a surprise visit. I knocked on the door and resting on top of him watching a movie was a new girl. It never took him long to find comfort, whereas, now I have been single almost two years, and I can't still get him out of my head. Love hurts.

I wouldn't say Primo wasn't courteous. He showed me around, and the following day I came back with his brother. Of course it was the weekend so Saul had to be drinking and Primo took Saul privately in the other room to show Saul something. Saul comes stumbling around the corner with a revolver pointed straight at my head, with his finger on the trigger, and just an arm’s length away, laughing. I just about shit my pants. I said, "What the fuck is wrong with you? You know I hate guns." Saul cocked the gun. Then Primo said, "C'mon mano it's loaded, no fuckin around." I gasped, "OMG!" and cried real tears.

I believe I almost died and Primo might have saved my life; if he didn't talk some sense into Saul that night he would've killed me. He would've tried to blame it on the alcohol like he always does, said he blacked out, and don't remember.  I wonder if that works for murder chargers too, Saul? How is that one supposed to hold up in a court of law? You can plead insanity, or just get deported for not being a United States Citizen and having no legal right to bear arms. Especially when intoxicated and suffering with a mental illness that hinders your better judgment.

Who is the one diluted? Is that what you told the judge, that I was diluted? Do you even know what that means? Ignorance really is bliss I guess when you’re a Narcissus. Let's give you a clue, so I may educate all of you. You see I really don't care anymore, because I have already lost everything that I have ever held near and dear to my heart, and I can see that I am not going to get them back, so I mind as well make it clear why.

Saul said I was diluted.....which means I was made weaker by adding water or force. This the judge must have bought because now I do not have my children, he does. All the judge has done now is give him the jurisdiction to dismiss me from my children's lives entirely, and he doesn't have any empathy. He is as cold and neglectful to our hearts as they come. The judge has just given my children over to a monster.

He on the other hand is Narcissistic:

1.  Quiet Smugness/Superiority: When they do speak, their comments tend to be critical and judgmental, focusing on their own conceited views.

2.  Self-Absorption: Only what they selfishly want and find agreeable. 

3.  Lack of Empathy: Oblivious to, or dismissive of others’ thoughts and feelings. Even when you tell them how their attitudes and actions are generating adverse consequences

4.  Passive-Aggressiveness Upon receiving a reasonable request from you, they might say “okay,” “yes,” “of course,” or “as you wish,” then either do nothing, or behave however they please.

5.  Highly Sensitive. In the face of negative feedback, some introvert narcissists will defend with an increased sense of superior smugness and dismissal (fight), while others will respond with sullen withdraw (flight). Typically, they will not let on how much the negative experience bothers them, and instead use their well-rehearsed aloofness to continue their schema. Some will turn bright red and run their whole head under a faucet of cold water. (This was Saul)

6.  The “Misunderstood Special Person”
The self-perceptions of some introverted narcissists include notions such as: “I’m special,” “I’m one-of a kind,” “I’m ahead of my time,” “I’m so unique no one understands me,” and “I’m so smart I’m above everyone else.” Statements such as these reveal common narcissistic tendencies of superiority, grandiosity, and entitlement. 

7.  Impersonal and Difficult Relationships
As mentioned earlier, part of the introvert narcissist’s insecurity is the inability to genuinely connect with people. To this extent, the aloofness and/or smugness serve as a defensive mechanism keeping people away, lest the narcissist is exposed for her or his interpersonal inadequacies. 


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