Psalm 7-
Arise, O Lord, in your anger;
rise up against the rage of my enemies,
Awake, my God; decree justice.
Let the assembled people's gather around you.
Rule over them from on high;
let the lord judge the peoples.
Judge me, O Lord, according to my righteousness.
According to my integrity, O most high
O righteous God,
Who searches minds and hearts,
bring to an end the violence of the wicked and make the righteous secure.
My shield is God most high,
Who saves the upright in heart.
God is a righteous judge,
A God who expresses his wrath every day.
If he does not relent,
He will sharpen his sword;
He will bend and string his bow.
He has prepared his deadly weapons;
He makes ready his flaming arrows.
He who is pregnant with evil
And conceives trouble gives birth to disillusionment.
He who digs a hole and scoops it out
Falls into the pit he has made
The trouble he causes recoils on himself; his violence comes down on his own head.
I will give thanks to the Lord because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High.
LORD please deliver us from this torture to deny us of our right's to raise our children to know better. To know the truth. To know right from wrong. To do better for our future.
Thanks be to you Lord in the name of Jesus.
God speed ahead. To open the eye's of all the unbelievers that exist and awaken their third eye.
We are ready father.
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
Saturday, June 24, 2017
Chapter 57- Family Conspiracy- Fourth Month
September 2015
Thank GOD Zephania came to the rescue. She listened, consoled, and helped me figure shit out for the second time around she was there for me. The first time was when my nana was dying. Now she was here to help me see the full picture and plead my case to these judge's.
Text messages. ....
B: Please have The boys call me I need to hear their voices.
Saul: Pat is doing homework when is done I will have him call you.
(I tried calling back an hour later)
Saul: Sorry, I'm on a call right now.
My son never called me.
Zephania told me many stories about Saul that I was not aware of. When we went to my mother's house for Thanksgiving in Massachusetts that Saul was drunk and sexually assaulted her, cornering her, and telling her that I had it coming, and I am not even going to see it coming, and that he would make my head spin.
Zephania did not know what to make of whatever he was talking about because Saul was drunk, but now things were beginning to add up. He intended to either try and drive me mentally crazy so I would snap, or physically by assaulting me again in the head so it would spin. It was frightening to think of how accurate of a term which evidently had a double meaning and both related to me in this way, because he made my life that way, mentally, physically, and emotionally disturbing.
9/3/2015
Text messages. ...
B: Liam has a wic appointment 2morrow at 11am for he is lactose intolerant and developes severe rashes and upset bowel movements if he is not on soy milk. You may want to keep this appointment if you want to save money on milk and food.
Saul: Thanks
B: You know this is the most horriblist day of my life, if u have a heart plz have my son's call me.
Saul: He just try to call but you didn't answer.
B: Sorry, I'm busy. Call back later
Saul had premeditated what he was going to do to Bea 6 month's prior. In May when Zephania came to visit he had mentioned to her about the child abuse that was forced upon Jr. during their visit to Nicaragua. Zephania witnessed Saul strike Pat in public and try to cover it up by distracting Bea, and running off with another woman at the bar right after the assault to cause a diversion.
Seriously, I thought so much has happened under my nose for year's that I am not even aware of. This was not the first time that I had heard this from a friend or family member, actually it had happened a lot since Saul and I first met. I just never wanted to see because my love for him overshadowed all his flaws. Love is blind.
So Zephania and I set out on September 3, 2015, to the courthouse on 49th Street to hopefully get this injunction to protect us. I told the judge of how Saul was a danger to himself and others especially my children. Judge Pierce didn't seem too concerned as to what Saul did to my children. He kept asking questions of why I was in fear for my life. I explained as much as I could remember at that moment and showed him text messages of Saul harassing me. I would have shown more proof, but I didn't have the evidence in my possession because right before the hearing Missy snuck into my room and stole a lot of evidence. As the Judge looked at the messages I believe he may have erased a text message that would have really incriminated Saul, which made me believe that perhaps this Judge was altering circumstantial evidence to plead his case that the defendent was not guilty. I also played the voice mail Emma sent me while she was sitting in the courtroom and addressed her to the judge. She actually ran out of the courtroom so she wouldn't have to testify.
When Zephania went up to the stand as my witness she explained to the courtroom what she mentioned to me previously. The bailiffs and everyone's jaw dropped, and yet they couldn't believe that the judge would not honor protection.
Even though I was deemed as indigent and was barely able to support myself. I worked at a hospital for a month to scrounge up enough money to get a copy of these court proceedings just so I can have proof of the voicemail, my witness, and that all of what I mentioned above had happened.
The following day September 4, 2015, I had to plead my case to yet another Judge that Missy was a danger to us. Since she stole my court paperwork I did not appear in the right courtroom and my hearing was not rightfully heard. Pretty much Missy lied through her teeth like she did in all the police reports and I was not able to plead my case because I couldn't afford an attorney. She was a good liar who was able to charm the judge into incriminating me as a stalker. So she was able to uphold her stalking injunction against me so she could get me to vacate the premises of our home. I was told that police would escort me while I gathered all my belonging's.
Luckily on 9/2/2015 I was able to sell my 1998 Ford Mustang for $500.00 so I could rent a U-Haul for all the belonging's we own. Missy was bitching to the cops the whole time I was trying to pack my kid's things because she didn't want me taking them. She ended up calling Saul to cause drama. The least of my worries was Saul. It took me, Zephania, and another friend to pack up 4 bedrooms in less than an hour. I lost a whole box of shoes that I loved, but I was glad to be away from that stressor even though I was unprepared for that outcome. I thought justice would have prevailed and my children and I would be safe, but never rely on the law to fix things because our constitutional rights don't apply in this United States of America anymore.
9/4/2015
Text messages. ..
B: sorry too babe. I wish it didn't have to end this way but you broke ur promise to the kids and I. Escupulos has a plan for u. GOD HAS A PLAN FOR THE KIDS AND I. He is not happy. Watch out and enjoy the eye of the storm because it is coming. This is not a threat, it's a promise that u broke to us on 2/14/2012 the day u turned as evil as the devil and played with my heart.
I only wish you had a soul and a conscience.
Saul: Plz stop texting me.
B: may I talk to our son? Please, I gave life to them.
Saul: Ok thanks for the reminder.
You will talk to him when your next visit with them.
B: u really r cold hearted cuz I don't even know when that is gonna be and I need to explain to him why I am not in his life. What have u told them?
Saul: Find out when you can see the kids through Carolyn Ivey. I don't need to be accused of more b.s. the judges did not buy it.
B: I just want to hear their voices
Saul: World war 3 has started king of kings will prevail it takes two lions to rule the jungle and only one king will be king lion. Now and forever the real king which God will take out enemies for true love and piece.
Any lion wants to take over will be eaten alive and you who I m talking about.
B: And do unto others as they do unto you. You may think you have won but when my babies are back with me which they will be, I wonder now if I am going to give u the same privileges that you have given me to see and talk to our kids.
Now ur not going to have the slightest clue to where I am cuz I am cutting ties with you.
I left with all the kids and I belongings to my sisters house in Palm Coast. Unpack it all by myself.
9/5/2015
Text messages. ...
Emma: You win. He's thinking of you instead of me. Thanks you stupid whore
Text messages. ....
B:I just spoke with Marc and he is telling me by law I am only allowed one 1 hr. supervised visit once a month through the State and he is going to revoke my rights to work with children. I can't live with this. I am being treated like a criminal and I have done nothing to harm any children. I don't know what kind of bullshit you have been telling this guy about me..but you have to tell him you were lying and you were wrong so you can get this man out of our lives. He is really starting to scare me. He is going to ruin our lives. Clear my name please.
please help, please help, I am begging you to help the mother of ur kid's. To be with my kids. He said it is up to you if you want me to talk to them or see them. Stop saying I am threatening you cuz I'm not, I'm begging you. When am I going to see them? I miss my baby Liam. I miss his smile and his laugh.
Saul: Just got of the phone with Marc and he said that the visits need to be supervised. But I will have Pat call you, tonight.
B: I want too Liam.
I want to hear my babies
voice. Right now please.My heart is breaking. This is not right.
You can supervise. Meredith can supervise just let me see. I need to see them.
Saul: Talk to Carolyn Ivey first when is your next visit. Meredith would we be fine?
B: I talked to her and they said maybe Monday they are going to finally set me up with a social worker. This is just a bunch of bull shit. You can let me see them anytime you want. You can be there, if it were the other way around I would do it for u.
Saul: Well let me know when you can come down.
B: I set up a speech Therapy appointment for Jr. on November 10, 2015 @ 8am. The location is at All Children's @ 3850 Tampa Rd Palm Harbor FL. 34684
(I was there waiting and Jr. Never attended this appointment. )
Saul: Ok sounds good thank you I will take him.
B: Pat has an appointment with Baycare to get back on his meds. on September 17, 2015 @ 9am
1106 Druid Rd. S. Suite 201 Clearwater 33756
Saul: Ok thanks
Thanks for Hacking into my gmail account I have proof it was you. Please put back my phone on the recover page. That is a felony invasion of privacy. If you want to see the kids fix my gmail account and if not I will contact child protect services and let them know what your doing.
B: See I am not the one who hacked into ur account. Are you sure it is not ur mistress setting me up again. See ur just looking for another reason to not let me see my kids. What kind of proof do you have.
Saul:Well u did
What is the password to my wsolorzano31@gmail Acct since it was change it has your phone and Yahoo email.
B: This is just another ploy to harrass me and get me in trouble when once again I have done nothing wrong. Your mistress is awfully sneaky. She is setting us up against eachother, and guess what it is working. I just want to love and take care of my kids that's it. I don't want to play these games anymore. Don't contact me unless it is about the kids please. I don't want to be in the middle of u and Emma. Obviously anybody could have put my phone #. Saul I told u Emma has been setting me up to look like I've been shitting on u from the start she called DCF, she called me and told me u were harming her and the kids, and she is hacking into your account. Wake up she is fucking crazy mula not me. You have known me longer than any other person. Have I ever did anything to you like this before. That is why I had to put distance from us.
Saul: Ok that's what u say.
B: This bitch is trying to get me locked up. I ain't having it. I am doing my own thing. I don't need a record for doing absolutely nothing. Waiting to be set up. From now on I am surrounding myself with people who care about me so I have an alibi and staying away from u as far as possible.
Saul: It shows your email address, she doesn't know your email address, you are right you never done something like this, but things are different. You try to screw me over in court, now I don't trust you.
B: Well, you screwed me over in life. The feeling is mutual I'm sure. My email address has always been ur secondary under your account for 7 years.
Saul: Where is the verification code please? Bea I want you to see the kids, but you never answer the phone.
B: I have been so depressed that I can't answer. I am trying to get ur email situation fixed. Sorry I am kind of in a middle of a fight, and trying to find my shoes.
Saul: Ok
B: I gotta get out of here.
Saul: What is the new verification code?
B: 804831
I'm getting thrown out on the streets of Orlando. Not like u care.
Saul: By who?
B: Cuz I was yelling earlier. So Tony kicked me out and told me he don't want me there.
So I am officially homeless are you happy now? My life is officially fucked. I feel so abandoned. Nobody wants me around. I'm a loser.
I guess I am going to have to sleep on the streets like a bum.
Saul: No I m not happy that's your problem with me always assuming I m out to get you. Call your sister she has plenty of room. I was able to get back into my email.
Find a shelter for tonight.
B:Saul, I just wanted you to know there is still a whole bunch of our stuff at Missy's. Can you please get it?
Jr's insurance card should be in the mail.
Saul: I got his insurance cArd yesterday.
B: ok good. Are u going to get the stuff?
Your TV is still there, shoes, bathroom stuff, air conditioners.
Saul: Ok
I got a lot of things out. Where are the kids clothes? now you lost it since your on the streets. (I still had the boys clothes although I am pretty sure they wouldn't fit them now. Its a 😢 shame)
B: Did you find a big box of my shoes?
Saul: Yup
Plz let me sleep is super late.
B: U know what would b helpful? If u would make a payment on my fifth third credit card so I can get to my sisters or Clearwater.
Sorry for texting you so late. I just didn't have any shoes. I had to borrow somebody's.
Saul: Your sister said she would pick you up. By the way tell your mom to butt out of our situation. She was making threats and accusations on Facebook last night.
B: Will u b able to send me some money or not? I am homeless and broke. U did it for Alex a complete stranger. What about me ur wife?
Saul: No I have no money. Tell your rich mommy to send you money, find a job.
You should have money left over, you sold the mustang.
(But I spent it all on the UHaul)
B: Please Saul. Can u do it tomorrow when u get paid? You really hate me don't u? I'm gonna die out here. I am just asking for help. U got me cryin at a gas station. begging for money. Thanks for abandoning ur wife at her lowest.
Saul: Now leave me alone. We will only communicate about the boys.
B: GOD see's all that ur doing. U will never make it to the kingdom of heaven at this rate. May he prevail and put u in my boots. What goes around comes around 10X fold.
I thought you said I was ur friend.
Your a liar!!!
Saul: Get a job or call your mom.
CPI Meredith:
Bonnie, You cannot pick up the kids and take them anywhere. Custody has been removed from you and you are allowed supervised contact with the kids only. This means that you are not allowed to be left alone with them, and the supervision can only be done by someone that has been approved by us to do it. Saul is approved, but he has told me in the past that he did not want to supervise your visits. He told me today he might be willing to supervise a visit for you this weekend. That is up to him as to whether or not he wants to do it. If he were to allow you to just take the kids for a visit, they would be removed from him and placed in foster care.
Marc Meredith
9/10/2017
Text messages. ...
Saul: I told Pat to call you, but he say he will call u tomorrow.
Welcome back to Clearwater.
(Primo must have told him that he saw me.)
I did see Primo briefly, but he kept walking and it broke my heart once more. All this sacrifice for someone who didn't want my love.
I had to speak with my lawyer. There was no way I was going to make it with only seeing my boys once a month and for what? I didn't do anything. This was crazy. So I made my way back to Clearwater.
09/11/2015
I stopped by mamitas and saw Jr. going up the stair's. I yelled his name and he started running towards me. I got off my scooter to hug my baby and papa snatched him up so fast that Jr's shoes flung off his feet.
Papa put my baby in a headlock and dragged him up a flight of stairs. My child tried to cry but he couldn't even breathe he was turning blue in the face. I cried, "Let go of him! He can't breathe." He placed him down and stood in between us as I peeked around him I witnessed Primo grab Jr by his face shoving him into the apartment. At that moment I pushed my way past papa and pushed open the door crying out Jr! My baby wasn't there. He was gone.
A nearby neighbor heard me screaming and saw what happened and called the police. I told them what had happened and I wanted well check conducted. I said, "My baby and I needed to hug. We have never been apart like this." The police called Marc and of course his story was entirely different. Then my phone died. I took off to Clearwater beach, watched the sunset and wrote a song called "Homelessness", because that is what I was currently suffering where I was going to lay my head at night. All I wanted was a hug from my skinny. I needed Jr. more than anyone in the whole wide world.
On 09/11/2015 at 1630 hours, Bea Sanchez was at 2902 Gulf to Bay Blvd, B205 for a disturbance because of custody concerns.
Upon our arrival, we met with Bea Sanches who was in the parking lot waiting for our arrival.
Bea stated she came to visit her children and her ex-in laws would not allow her to see the children. Bea explained she was staying with a friend and would not give her address. She stated she is required to have supervised visitation with her children and thought she could just say hello. Bea stated her ex father in law, William Sanches Sr. Rushed her son into the residence so she could not see him.
I met with Saul Sanches, he explained his ex-wife does not have custody of their children and was ordered to leave their residence. Saul stated Bea keeps showing up at his house, his parents residence and his work to see her son Jr. He explained previously he was denied an order of protection because Bea was indigent. She stated she has already been to his mother and father's place twice within the last twenty- four hours.
I explained to Saul based on the information he has presented regarding Bea's activity he would have a better chance of securing an order of protection. He was explained he would try again on Monday morning. Saul was also concerned about the Baker Act during our encounter but if he was concerned he could petition the court and secure an ex-parte, which would have her court ordered formental health examination.
I then received a call from CPID Marc Meredith regarding the custody of the children and wanted to explain to me that the children were removed from the residence. He also stated she does not have any custody and can only have visitation that is supervised by CPID. He explained it was an ongoing investigation and is working with Saul to gain full custody of the children. Provided Saul with CPD case #CW15-129221 for his future reference. Report was taken for information only.
Saul: Call your mom she is worry about you. (I am worried about me too)
CPI Meredith: Bonnie, it's Marc. If you want to come back to grandma's now, I'll let you have a visit.
Saul: I'm here with the kids.
(Seem's like a setup. How am I ever going to get to see my boy's again?)
9/12/2015
B: My battery died last night and I didn't get the message until now. I want to see my boys today.
CPI Meredith: That's not going to happen. You tried to break into mamitas house last night and take Jr by force. I think from now on, your visits should be supervised by us. You will have a case manager assigned on Monday and they can arrange the visits for you.
Emma: Come get him and the kids
You win
I'm done
I never tried to break in or take Jr. By force. Obviously, they were trying to cover up the fact that they were choking my child. I was trying to say hello. What the hell is wrong with these people. I have no intentions of abducting my children, I have never hurt them, I am just trying to protect them. If they didn't have something to hide then why did they leave the country right away? Well, I am glad they did because I am sick of seeing burns, marks and bumps on my kid's head from them, so good riddance. At least I was able to do something right. Nobody wants to help me protect my babies. It is very disturbing and bothersome to me.
My Civil Rights were Violated. Now who was going to be held accountable if one of my children end up seriously injured or dead?
Would it be Judge Pierce that didn't think it was necessary to uphold an injunction for protection? OR
Judge Patricia Moore that granted Saul permanent custody? PERHAPS..
We could blame the circumstances of a lying child abusing roomate that had enough money to buy her own house and car, but was squatting in this home harassing her roomate for rides, and was fixated to throwing Bea on the street. Bea was more fixated on making sure Missy never stood foot from her kid's ever again.
Just to make sure, Bea went to a domestic violence shelter named CASA for support and advice.
CASA was supportive when it came to food, shelter, clothes, and resources. Unfortunately, they didn't have the funding to help me with supervised visits. Which I thought was strange. They had some programs that I thought were weak and barely pertained to me. The facility was a lot nicer than I imagined it would be.
There were people to talk with there, but you could tell they didn't care even though it was their job to. The other victims were more supportive mentally and emotionally than the staff was. Honestly, I felt as if I couldn't trust anyone. What bothered me most was seeing other children who were there being neglected and abused.
One mother took her child into the bathroom and whipped her butt to the point that the child couldn't walk right. When the child came out from the bathroom with tear's in her eyes, she stared me dead in the eye and whispered, "Help me." I went straight to the office and reported it, and the staff did nothing.
A majority of the mother's in this shelter were from up north, and single protective parent's. One mother had her right's revoked while her child was undergoing surgery because the father was neglecting medical care for the child and he totally flipped it around and blamed her and they believed him. She then flipped out and wanted to be with her kid during the surgery and was placed behind bar's.
Another mom was fighting over full custody with a pedofile who was being granted overnight visitation after the little girl already admitted that daddy touched her down there.
Yet another had full custody and her children were abducted by their father and on the run. He was one of the biggest ringleaders of the human trafficking racket. I was there for 90 days and the whole time this mother continuously complained that the feds were doing absolutely nothing to find her babies.
I just could not wrap my head around what the fuck was going on. Something was not adding up. What is this place that is being run by the federal government? It seems as if everything is opposite, like thing's are backwards. What should be is not happening. Then I came to a conclusion. What is happening? Chaos which is being resolved by foster care when the good parents name is tarnished by the bad parent, the bad parent is then granted custody and it is inevitable that the bad parent is going to fuck up. When this happen's the State get's involved and deems both parents unfit and bye bye little ones until your 18. It is a big scandal.
These legal advocates go to the courtroom and can't speak. Doesn't seem like that is beneficial at all when your an emotionally torn parent being bombarded by the system. There has to be some union's out there for the people to go to defend their national human rights. There is none. How are we going to protect our rights?
How are we going to survive when we have no place to live?
Thank GOD Zephania came to the rescue. She listened, consoled, and helped me figure shit out for the second time around she was there for me. The first time was when my nana was dying. Now she was here to help me see the full picture and plead my case to these judge's.
Text messages. ....
B: Please have The boys call me I need to hear their voices.
Saul: Pat is doing homework when is done I will have him call you.
(I tried calling back an hour later)
Saul: Sorry, I'm on a call right now.
My son never called me.
Zephania told me many stories about Saul that I was not aware of. When we went to my mother's house for Thanksgiving in Massachusetts that Saul was drunk and sexually assaulted her, cornering her, and telling her that I had it coming, and I am not even going to see it coming, and that he would make my head spin.
Zephania did not know what to make of whatever he was talking about because Saul was drunk, but now things were beginning to add up. He intended to either try and drive me mentally crazy so I would snap, or physically by assaulting me again in the head so it would spin. It was frightening to think of how accurate of a term which evidently had a double meaning and both related to me in this way, because he made my life that way, mentally, physically, and emotionally disturbing.
9/3/2015
Text messages. ...
B: Liam has a wic appointment 2morrow at 11am for he is lactose intolerant and developes severe rashes and upset bowel movements if he is not on soy milk. You may want to keep this appointment if you want to save money on milk and food.
Saul: Thanks
B: You know this is the most horriblist day of my life, if u have a heart plz have my son's call me.
Saul: He just try to call but you didn't answer.
B: Sorry, I'm busy. Call back later
Saul had premeditated what he was going to do to Bea 6 month's prior. In May when Zephania came to visit he had mentioned to her about the child abuse that was forced upon Jr. during their visit to Nicaragua. Zephania witnessed Saul strike Pat in public and try to cover it up by distracting Bea, and running off with another woman at the bar right after the assault to cause a diversion.
Seriously, I thought so much has happened under my nose for year's that I am not even aware of. This was not the first time that I had heard this from a friend or family member, actually it had happened a lot since Saul and I first met. I just never wanted to see because my love for him overshadowed all his flaws. Love is blind.
So Zephania and I set out on September 3, 2015, to the courthouse on 49th Street to hopefully get this injunction to protect us. I told the judge of how Saul was a danger to himself and others especially my children. Judge Pierce didn't seem too concerned as to what Saul did to my children. He kept asking questions of why I was in fear for my life. I explained as much as I could remember at that moment and showed him text messages of Saul harassing me. I would have shown more proof, but I didn't have the evidence in my possession because right before the hearing Missy snuck into my room and stole a lot of evidence. As the Judge looked at the messages I believe he may have erased a text message that would have really incriminated Saul, which made me believe that perhaps this Judge was altering circumstantial evidence to plead his case that the defendent was not guilty. I also played the voice mail Emma sent me while she was sitting in the courtroom and addressed her to the judge. She actually ran out of the courtroom so she wouldn't have to testify.
When Zephania went up to the stand as my witness she explained to the courtroom what she mentioned to me previously. The bailiffs and everyone's jaw dropped, and yet they couldn't believe that the judge would not honor protection.
Even though I was deemed as indigent and was barely able to support myself. I worked at a hospital for a month to scrounge up enough money to get a copy of these court proceedings just so I can have proof of the voicemail, my witness, and that all of what I mentioned above had happened.
The following day September 4, 2015, I had to plead my case to yet another Judge that Missy was a danger to us. Since she stole my court paperwork I did not appear in the right courtroom and my hearing was not rightfully heard. Pretty much Missy lied through her teeth like she did in all the police reports and I was not able to plead my case because I couldn't afford an attorney. She was a good liar who was able to charm the judge into incriminating me as a stalker. So she was able to uphold her stalking injunction against me so she could get me to vacate the premises of our home. I was told that police would escort me while I gathered all my belonging's.
Luckily on 9/2/2015 I was able to sell my 1998 Ford Mustang for $500.00 so I could rent a U-Haul for all the belonging's we own. Missy was bitching to the cops the whole time I was trying to pack my kid's things because she didn't want me taking them. She ended up calling Saul to cause drama. The least of my worries was Saul. It took me, Zephania, and another friend to pack up 4 bedrooms in less than an hour. I lost a whole box of shoes that I loved, but I was glad to be away from that stressor even though I was unprepared for that outcome. I thought justice would have prevailed and my children and I would be safe, but never rely on the law to fix things because our constitutional rights don't apply in this United States of America anymore.
9/4/2015
Text messages. ..
B: sorry too babe. I wish it didn't have to end this way but you broke ur promise to the kids and I. Escupulos has a plan for u. GOD HAS A PLAN FOR THE KIDS AND I. He is not happy. Watch out and enjoy the eye of the storm because it is coming. This is not a threat, it's a promise that u broke to us on 2/14/2012 the day u turned as evil as the devil and played with my heart.
I only wish you had a soul and a conscience.
Saul: Plz stop texting me.
B: may I talk to our son? Please, I gave life to them.
Saul: Ok thanks for the reminder.
You will talk to him when your next visit with them.
B: u really r cold hearted cuz I don't even know when that is gonna be and I need to explain to him why I am not in his life. What have u told them?
Saul: Find out when you can see the kids through Carolyn Ivey. I don't need to be accused of more b.s. the judges did not buy it.
B: I just want to hear their voices
Saul: World war 3 has started king of kings will prevail it takes two lions to rule the jungle and only one king will be king lion. Now and forever the real king which God will take out enemies for true love and piece.
Any lion wants to take over will be eaten alive and you who I m talking about.
B: And do unto others as they do unto you. You may think you have won but when my babies are back with me which they will be, I wonder now if I am going to give u the same privileges that you have given me to see and talk to our kids.
Now ur not going to have the slightest clue to where I am cuz I am cutting ties with you.
I left with all the kids and I belongings to my sisters house in Palm Coast. Unpack it all by myself.
9/5/2015
Text messages. ...
Emma: You win. He's thinking of you instead of me. Thanks you stupid whore
Text messages. ....
B:I just spoke with Marc and he is telling me by law I am only allowed one 1 hr. supervised visit once a month through the State and he is going to revoke my rights to work with children. I can't live with this. I am being treated like a criminal and I have done nothing to harm any children. I don't know what kind of bullshit you have been telling this guy about me..but you have to tell him you were lying and you were wrong so you can get this man out of our lives. He is really starting to scare me. He is going to ruin our lives. Clear my name please.
please help, please help, I am begging you to help the mother of ur kid's. To be with my kids. He said it is up to you if you want me to talk to them or see them. Stop saying I am threatening you cuz I'm not, I'm begging you. When am I going to see them? I miss my baby Liam. I miss his smile and his laugh.
Saul: Just got of the phone with Marc and he said that the visits need to be supervised. But I will have Pat call you, tonight.
B: I want too Liam.
I want to hear my babies
voice. Right now please.My heart is breaking. This is not right.
You can supervise. Meredith can supervise just let me see. I need to see them.
Saul: Talk to Carolyn Ivey first when is your next visit. Meredith would we be fine?
B: I talked to her and they said maybe Monday they are going to finally set me up with a social worker. This is just a bunch of bull shit. You can let me see them anytime you want. You can be there, if it were the other way around I would do it for u.
Saul: Well let me know when you can come down.
B: I set up a speech Therapy appointment for Jr. on November 10, 2015 @ 8am. The location is at All Children's @ 3850 Tampa Rd Palm Harbor FL. 34684
(I was there waiting and Jr. Never attended this appointment. )
Saul: Ok sounds good thank you I will take him.
B: Pat has an appointment with Baycare to get back on his meds. on September 17, 2015 @ 9am
1106 Druid Rd. S. Suite 201 Clearwater 33756
Saul: Ok thanks
Thanks for Hacking into my gmail account I have proof it was you. Please put back my phone on the recover page. That is a felony invasion of privacy. If you want to see the kids fix my gmail account and if not I will contact child protect services and let them know what your doing.
B: See I am not the one who hacked into ur account. Are you sure it is not ur mistress setting me up again. See ur just looking for another reason to not let me see my kids. What kind of proof do you have.
Saul:Well u did
What is the password to my wsolorzano31@gmail Acct since it was change it has your phone and Yahoo email.
B: This is just another ploy to harrass me and get me in trouble when once again I have done nothing wrong. Your mistress is awfully sneaky. She is setting us up against eachother, and guess what it is working. I just want to love and take care of my kids that's it. I don't want to play these games anymore. Don't contact me unless it is about the kids please. I don't want to be in the middle of u and Emma. Obviously anybody could have put my phone #. Saul I told u Emma has been setting me up to look like I've been shitting on u from the start she called DCF, she called me and told me u were harming her and the kids, and she is hacking into your account. Wake up she is fucking crazy mula not me. You have known me longer than any other person. Have I ever did anything to you like this before. That is why I had to put distance from us.
Saul: Ok that's what u say.
B: This bitch is trying to get me locked up. I ain't having it. I am doing my own thing. I don't need a record for doing absolutely nothing. Waiting to be set up. From now on I am surrounding myself with people who care about me so I have an alibi and staying away from u as far as possible.
Saul: It shows your email address, she doesn't know your email address, you are right you never done something like this, but things are different. You try to screw me over in court, now I don't trust you.
B: Well, you screwed me over in life. The feeling is mutual I'm sure. My email address has always been ur secondary under your account for 7 years.
Saul: Where is the verification code please? Bea I want you to see the kids, but you never answer the phone.
B: I have been so depressed that I can't answer. I am trying to get ur email situation fixed. Sorry I am kind of in a middle of a fight, and trying to find my shoes.
Saul: Ok
B: I gotta get out of here.
Saul: What is the new verification code?
B: 804831
I'm getting thrown out on the streets of Orlando. Not like u care.
Saul: By who?
B: Cuz I was yelling earlier. So Tony kicked me out and told me he don't want me there.
So I am officially homeless are you happy now? My life is officially fucked. I feel so abandoned. Nobody wants me around. I'm a loser.
I guess I am going to have to sleep on the streets like a bum.
Saul: No I m not happy that's your problem with me always assuming I m out to get you. Call your sister she has plenty of room. I was able to get back into my email.
Find a shelter for tonight.
B:Saul, I just wanted you to know there is still a whole bunch of our stuff at Missy's. Can you please get it?
Jr's insurance card should be in the mail.
Saul: I got his insurance cArd yesterday.
B: ok good. Are u going to get the stuff?
Your TV is still there, shoes, bathroom stuff, air conditioners.
Saul: Ok
I got a lot of things out. Where are the kids clothes? now you lost it since your on the streets. (I still had the boys clothes although I am pretty sure they wouldn't fit them now. Its a 😢 shame)
B: Did you find a big box of my shoes?
Saul: Yup
Plz let me sleep is super late.
B: U know what would b helpful? If u would make a payment on my fifth third credit card so I can get to my sisters or Clearwater.
Sorry for texting you so late. I just didn't have any shoes. I had to borrow somebody's.
Saul: Your sister said she would pick you up. By the way tell your mom to butt out of our situation. She was making threats and accusations on Facebook last night.
B: Will u b able to send me some money or not? I am homeless and broke. U did it for Alex a complete stranger. What about me ur wife?
Saul: No I have no money. Tell your rich mommy to send you money, find a job.
You should have money left over, you sold the mustang.
(But I spent it all on the UHaul)
B: Please Saul. Can u do it tomorrow when u get paid? You really hate me don't u? I'm gonna die out here. I am just asking for help. U got me cryin at a gas station. begging for money. Thanks for abandoning ur wife at her lowest.
Saul: Now leave me alone. We will only communicate about the boys.
B: GOD see's all that ur doing. U will never make it to the kingdom of heaven at this rate. May he prevail and put u in my boots. What goes around comes around 10X fold.
I thought you said I was ur friend.
Your a liar!!!
Saul: Get a job or call your mom.
CPI Meredith:
Bonnie, You cannot pick up the kids and take them anywhere. Custody has been removed from you and you are allowed supervised contact with the kids only. This means that you are not allowed to be left alone with them, and the supervision can only be done by someone that has been approved by us to do it. Saul is approved, but he has told me in the past that he did not want to supervise your visits. He told me today he might be willing to supervise a visit for you this weekend. That is up to him as to whether or not he wants to do it. If he were to allow you to just take the kids for a visit, they would be removed from him and placed in foster care.
Marc Meredith
9/10/2017
Text messages. ...
Saul: I told Pat to call you, but he say he will call u tomorrow.
Welcome back to Clearwater.
(Primo must have told him that he saw me.)
I did see Primo briefly, but he kept walking and it broke my heart once more. All this sacrifice for someone who didn't want my love.
I had to speak with my lawyer. There was no way I was going to make it with only seeing my boys once a month and for what? I didn't do anything. This was crazy. So I made my way back to Clearwater.
09/11/2015
I stopped by mamitas and saw Jr. going up the stair's. I yelled his name and he started running towards me. I got off my scooter to hug my baby and papa snatched him up so fast that Jr's shoes flung off his feet.
Papa put my baby in a headlock and dragged him up a flight of stairs. My child tried to cry but he couldn't even breathe he was turning blue in the face. I cried, "Let go of him! He can't breathe." He placed him down and stood in between us as I peeked around him I witnessed Primo grab Jr by his face shoving him into the apartment. At that moment I pushed my way past papa and pushed open the door crying out Jr! My baby wasn't there. He was gone.
A nearby neighbor heard me screaming and saw what happened and called the police. I told them what had happened and I wanted well check conducted. I said, "My baby and I needed to hug. We have never been apart like this." The police called Marc and of course his story was entirely different. Then my phone died. I took off to Clearwater beach, watched the sunset and wrote a song called "Homelessness", because that is what I was currently suffering where I was going to lay my head at night. All I wanted was a hug from my skinny. I needed Jr. more than anyone in the whole wide world.
On 09/11/2015 at 1630 hours, Bea Sanchez was at 2902 Gulf to Bay Blvd, B205 for a disturbance because of custody concerns.
Upon our arrival, we met with Bea Sanches who was in the parking lot waiting for our arrival.
Bea stated she came to visit her children and her ex-in laws would not allow her to see the children. Bea explained she was staying with a friend and would not give her address. She stated she is required to have supervised visitation with her children and thought she could just say hello. Bea stated her ex father in law, William Sanches Sr. Rushed her son into the residence so she could not see him.
I met with Saul Sanches, he explained his ex-wife does not have custody of their children and was ordered to leave their residence. Saul stated Bea keeps showing up at his house, his parents residence and his work to see her son Jr. He explained previously he was denied an order of protection because Bea was indigent. She stated she has already been to his mother and father's place twice within the last twenty- four hours.
I explained to Saul based on the information he has presented regarding Bea's activity he would have a better chance of securing an order of protection. He was explained he would try again on Monday morning. Saul was also concerned about the Baker Act during our encounter but if he was concerned he could petition the court and secure an ex-parte, which would have her court ordered formental health examination.
I then received a call from CPID Marc Meredith regarding the custody of the children and wanted to explain to me that the children were removed from the residence. He also stated she does not have any custody and can only have visitation that is supervised by CPID. He explained it was an ongoing investigation and is working with Saul to gain full custody of the children. Provided Saul with CPD case #CW15-129221 for his future reference. Report was taken for information only.
Saul: Call your mom she is worry about you. (I am worried about me too)
CPI Meredith: Bonnie, it's Marc. If you want to come back to grandma's now, I'll let you have a visit.
Saul: I'm here with the kids.
(Seem's like a setup. How am I ever going to get to see my boy's again?)
9/12/2015
B: My battery died last night and I didn't get the message until now. I want to see my boys today.
CPI Meredith: That's not going to happen. You tried to break into mamitas house last night and take Jr by force. I think from now on, your visits should be supervised by us. You will have a case manager assigned on Monday and they can arrange the visits for you.
Emma: Come get him and the kids
You win
I'm done
I never tried to break in or take Jr. By force. Obviously, they were trying to cover up the fact that they were choking my child. I was trying to say hello. What the hell is wrong with these people. I have no intentions of abducting my children, I have never hurt them, I am just trying to protect them. If they didn't have something to hide then why did they leave the country right away? Well, I am glad they did because I am sick of seeing burns, marks and bumps on my kid's head from them, so good riddance. At least I was able to do something right. Nobody wants to help me protect my babies. It is very disturbing and bothersome to me.
My Civil Rights were Violated. Now who was going to be held accountable if one of my children end up seriously injured or dead?
Would it be Judge Pierce that didn't think it was necessary to uphold an injunction for protection? OR
Judge Patricia Moore that granted Saul permanent custody? PERHAPS..
We could blame the circumstances of a lying child abusing roomate that had enough money to buy her own house and car, but was squatting in this home harassing her roomate for rides, and was fixated to throwing Bea on the street. Bea was more fixated on making sure Missy never stood foot from her kid's ever again.
Just to make sure, Bea went to a domestic violence shelter named CASA for support and advice.
CASA was supportive when it came to food, shelter, clothes, and resources. Unfortunately, they didn't have the funding to help me with supervised visits. Which I thought was strange. They had some programs that I thought were weak and barely pertained to me. The facility was a lot nicer than I imagined it would be.
There were people to talk with there, but you could tell they didn't care even though it was their job to. The other victims were more supportive mentally and emotionally than the staff was. Honestly, I felt as if I couldn't trust anyone. What bothered me most was seeing other children who were there being neglected and abused.
One mother took her child into the bathroom and whipped her butt to the point that the child couldn't walk right. When the child came out from the bathroom with tear's in her eyes, she stared me dead in the eye and whispered, "Help me." I went straight to the office and reported it, and the staff did nothing.
- Unbelievable but true, there are mother's and father's out there who are granted custody of their children who still are abusing their children while the protected parent is being isolated from that child. It happens a lot more then you can imagine.
A majority of the mother's in this shelter were from up north, and single protective parent's. One mother had her right's revoked while her child was undergoing surgery because the father was neglecting medical care for the child and he totally flipped it around and blamed her and they believed him. She then flipped out and wanted to be with her kid during the surgery and was placed behind bar's.
Another mom was fighting over full custody with a pedofile who was being granted overnight visitation after the little girl already admitted that daddy touched her down there.
Yet another had full custody and her children were abducted by their father and on the run. He was one of the biggest ringleaders of the human trafficking racket. I was there for 90 days and the whole time this mother continuously complained that the feds were doing absolutely nothing to find her babies.
I just could not wrap my head around what the fuck was going on. Something was not adding up. What is this place that is being run by the federal government? It seems as if everything is opposite, like thing's are backwards. What should be is not happening. Then I came to a conclusion. What is happening? Chaos which is being resolved by foster care when the good parents name is tarnished by the bad parent, the bad parent is then granted custody and it is inevitable that the bad parent is going to fuck up. When this happen's the State get's involved and deems both parents unfit and bye bye little ones until your 18. It is a big scandal.
These legal advocates go to the courtroom and can't speak. Doesn't seem like that is beneficial at all when your an emotionally torn parent being bombarded by the system. There has to be some union's out there for the people to go to defend their national human rights. There is none. How are we going to protect our rights?
How are we going to survive when we have no place to live?
Friday, May 19, 2017
Chapter 49- Family Conspiracy- First month
June 2015
Bea had one of the most memorable beach days with her boy's. They took their good friend Tanner with them and tried to convince Primo to come, but he still refused to talk to her. So they ventured out to the beach just the four of them.
It was quite nostalgic. The view of the sky against the ocean. Bea took lots of picture's of the boys running through the surf smiling and genuinely happy that day. Jr. being tempted to trample Pats sandcastle, and Pat gaurding it with his life. This is one of the last good memory's B had of her babies. The only photos that she had seen of them since 2015 they appeared to be so miserable. It Just broke B's heart because she was their mother. She knew it was her job to love and nurture them. By no fault of her own now she was failing them due to all this bullshit that should have never been part of their lives to begin with. We deserved a better life than this.
Pat deserved to build more sandcastles in the sand with his brother. Jr. needed more one-on-one storybook sticker craze potty time with his mommy. Jr was still not potty trained because the last time B had a visit, Jr. was even afraid to sit. Both of her boy's needed their mother's love and attention, and B needed their love back in return, after they were taken from B she had no one.
She tried to reconnect with friends and family, but it was too late, she wasn't the same person anymore. B was lost and depressed. The damage had been done. The only people that could fill that void were her children. This is what Maternal deprivation look's and feels like. As if someone is dismembering you.
The next Day after the beach, B had to work. Saul worked out an arrangement that his mom would watch the boys while she worked at her new job. Yet, somebody should have relayed the message to mami because she acted as if she didn't know anything about it.
When B showed up to drop the two boy's off with their backpacks, instead of welcoming her grandkids with welcoming hugs and kisses she ignorantly said, "No, no, no, no, no!", and slammed the door in the kid's faces. They obviously were confused asking their mommy questions that she didn't know the answers to.
As the kid's paced the hall B called Saul, "Saul, your mother just refused to watch the kid's. You need to come or else I'm going to lose my job. This is the second time you have done this now. It seems like this is what you want for me to lose my job?"
Saul said, "Don't panic, I am on my way."
B was surprised that Saul came as fast as he did, but it did not give them much time to talk. She knew there was something going on with Saul and his mom at least, but she didn't know what, for she was officially out of the loop now.
When B went to go pick up the kids later that month Primo was there alone with them. No mami, no Saul, no papa, just primo.
B knocked on the door and in a friendly tone said, "Hey Primo. Why don't you come out and talk to me?"
He said, "Go away."
B said, " That's not nice. Why the silent treatment? What did I ever do to you? I just came to pick up my kids. So let me have them."
Primo said, "Did you call my brother?"
B, "For real c'mon I didn't think I had to, but if you wanna play game's I'm gonna call someone. I'm gonna call the cops from witholding my children from me. Pat! Pat! Open this door and come out you and your brother and let's go home."
Pat said, "I can't, he won't let me."
So guess what Primo did soon after that? He tried to put an injunction for protection on himself against B for stalking him, only he knows B well enough to suspect that she would never hurt him. He know's that she was just a pussy in love with his ass. This was just his way of trying to scare B off.
B directed towards Primo:
"You know what Primo? Heard your message loud and clear dear, I'm not a stalker. I just got caught up in the moment. So it worked. Thanks for not showing up to the trial date my love."
Then soon after his brother Saul did the same thing.
B directed towards the audience: "Guess what? They both had it out for me so the judge set up the trial date for August 20, 2015, on the same day, in the same courtroom, at different times. First time I had ever had to go into a courtroom to defend myself. I was scared shitless. I had no idea how to do this."
"As you know Primo didn't show, but Saul did just to intimidate me and keep me in the State of Florida long enough to try and incriminate me and take my kid's from me."
The judge asked him, "Mr. Sanchez, has Mrs. Sanchez ever threatened to harm you or put her hands on you?"
Saul said, "No your honor."
The judge beckoned, "Then why are you wasting all of our time. Get out of my courtroom."
Saul must have been conspiring with Missy because as soon as he moved out she was constantly on B's case. You can view all the public police reports from 2015 at PCSO (2881 Cathy Ln. Clearwater FL 33760),
PINELLAS COUNTY SHERIFF'S OFFICE
Case Master Report
SO15-254275
Date Initiated 06/16/2015
Upon my arrival, I made contact with the complainant, SANCHES, BEA NICOLE who stated her roommate, ELLIOT, MISSY came home and started yelling, arguing with her.
When asked why she was arguing and yelling at her, Bea stated she is going through a divorce and she has no money to pay her. Bea said she has been staying at the residence for the past year and has no other place to go.
I spoke to Missy about the incident. Missy stated she was yelling at Bea because she needed to get her belongings together and leave the residence. Missy said she cannot afford to support her and she needs to move out. I explained to Missy that since Bea has been living at the residence for a year, she would have to go to the court house and begin the eviction process which she said she would.
In order to solve the problem for the night Bea said she would stay in her room and Missy said she would stay in her room as well.
Disposition: Case closed, solved NON-CRIMINAL
They even got the authorities involved by spreading false allegations to tarnish B's good name and work the CPI (child protective investigator) against her and in Saul's favor. All reports show no criminal intent/ case solved because there was no crime just false allegations, so why should B be treated as if she is guilty when she is obviously an innocent victim? B has a clean record. This is not fair, she NEVER hurt her kids, or anyone else for that matter. So why are they not currently in her care?
Extended monologue for B's Preaching future self..... (Standing on a podium as an older woman speaking before a public assembly displaying their human rights and B is trying to motivate them through her words to not lose hope.)
"Well, I discovered that being honest and forthcoming with a CPI (Child Protective Investigator) is not within your best interest because they will twist your words around and use it against you quickly. It is called heresay, which I have learned is the legal term, when a lot of people start spewing shit about you to other people and they start believing it even when it is not true.
This begins to ruin people's lives by making their security falter, and soon you begin to wonder....what has come of this world? Seriously, if they have been willing to make a legal term for it then it is obvious that human beings have learned to use this tactic quite commonly. Especially, during investigations when CPS (Child Protective Services) does not want to do their due diligence.
There are a lot of haters in this world that can't leave well enough alone. They are not content until they make you as miserable as them because misery loves company. Power and control play's a huge factor when lies and manipulation are concerned.
Please don't ever give up fighting for what you believe, or lose your will to survive. Our God given right is worth living for, so we can't check out when our children need us. Thou shall not kill, including thyself. Don't be afraid to rise above and speak the truth, trust that others will follow because LIFE is too short, so live it to the fullest. Eventually if you keep speaking your truth your children will hear it, and it will change history.
The parental civil rights movement will enlighten future generations to build a stronger foundation within this broken family infrastructure, and instill National Human Rights.
It WILL happen, one person, one moment, one day at a time, until it forms a ripple effect to prove that human lives matter. Children's lives matter. National Human Rights are here to stay and must be enforced by the people in all the nations. That is what we should be fighting for all across the board, starting in each state, and country.
Human Rights unions. That is something I would like to see my tax money go into. A real organization that defends the people against discrimination. Unions that will fight for us when our rights are being violated. Unions that can give power to the people against corrupt companies, departments, federal organizations, and judicial systems that is something I would personally devote my life to making happen.
I wish president Donald Trump would support these unions to back up the people so we can be proud to stand as Americans and set the barr. If America can accomplish this, then so can other countries. We have to support our own country first and foremost before we can even attempt to fix others. That's the bottom line.
Each country should be more focused on bringing justice amongst their people, rather than fighting and destroying. We should be working together and figuering out ways to help our planet thrive without destroying it. This should be our common goal.
The human mind CAN be capable of so much more, but all that history has proven time and time again is that humanity is more focused on destruction, than perseverance.
- B'onnie
Bea had one of the most memorable beach days with her boy's. They took their good friend Tanner with them and tried to convince Primo to come, but he still refused to talk to her. So they ventured out to the beach just the four of them.
It was quite nostalgic. The view of the sky against the ocean. Bea took lots of picture's of the boys running through the surf smiling and genuinely happy that day. Jr. being tempted to trample Pats sandcastle, and Pat gaurding it with his life. This is one of the last good memory's B had of her babies. The only photos that she had seen of them since 2015 they appeared to be so miserable. It Just broke B's heart because she was their mother. She knew it was her job to love and nurture them. By no fault of her own now she was failing them due to all this bullshit that should have never been part of their lives to begin with. We deserved a better life than this.
Pat deserved to build more sandcastles in the sand with his brother. Jr. needed more one-on-one storybook sticker craze potty time with his mommy. Jr was still not potty trained because the last time B had a visit, Jr. was even afraid to sit. Both of her boy's needed their mother's love and attention, and B needed their love back in return, after they were taken from B she had no one.
She tried to reconnect with friends and family, but it was too late, she wasn't the same person anymore. B was lost and depressed. The damage had been done. The only people that could fill that void were her children. This is what Maternal deprivation look's and feels like. As if someone is dismembering you.
The next Day after the beach, B had to work. Saul worked out an arrangement that his mom would watch the boys while she worked at her new job. Yet, somebody should have relayed the message to mami because she acted as if she didn't know anything about it.
When B showed up to drop the two boy's off with their backpacks, instead of welcoming her grandkids with welcoming hugs and kisses she ignorantly said, "No, no, no, no, no!", and slammed the door in the kid's faces. They obviously were confused asking their mommy questions that she didn't know the answers to.
As the kid's paced the hall B called Saul, "Saul, your mother just refused to watch the kid's. You need to come or else I'm going to lose my job. This is the second time you have done this now. It seems like this is what you want for me to lose my job?"
Saul said, "Don't panic, I am on my way."
B was surprised that Saul came as fast as he did, but it did not give them much time to talk. She knew there was something going on with Saul and his mom at least, but she didn't know what, for she was officially out of the loop now.
When B went to go pick up the kids later that month Primo was there alone with them. No mami, no Saul, no papa, just primo.
B knocked on the door and in a friendly tone said, "Hey Primo. Why don't you come out and talk to me?"
He said, "Go away."
B said, " That's not nice. Why the silent treatment? What did I ever do to you? I just came to pick up my kids. So let me have them."
Primo said, "Did you call my brother?"
B, "For real c'mon I didn't think I had to, but if you wanna play game's I'm gonna call someone. I'm gonna call the cops from witholding my children from me. Pat! Pat! Open this door and come out you and your brother and let's go home."
Pat said, "I can't, he won't let me."
This just fueled fire within B thinking of her babies being kept from her, and Primo witholding Pat against his will, burned B up inside, which any loving parent would. So the third time in her whole entire life she called the police and PCSO did help her get the kids from that home.
As mami arrived and stepped out of her vehicle she redirected her middle finger at B right in front of the officer and called her, "crazy bitch."
The officer took her to the side and explained to them that without an order by a judge B has every right to her children unless there is a restraining order preventing her.
So guess what Primo did soon after that? He tried to put an injunction for protection on himself against B for stalking him, only he knows B well enough to suspect that she would never hurt him. He know's that she was just a pussy in love with his ass. This was just his way of trying to scare B off.
B directed towards Primo:
"You know what Primo? Heard your message loud and clear dear, I'm not a stalker. I just got caught up in the moment. So it worked. Thanks for not showing up to the trial date my love."
Then soon after his brother Saul did the same thing.
B directed towards the audience: "Guess what? They both had it out for me so the judge set up the trial date for August 20, 2015, on the same day, in the same courtroom, at different times. First time I had ever had to go into a courtroom to defend myself. I was scared shitless. I had no idea how to do this."
"As you know Primo didn't show, but Saul did just to intimidate me and keep me in the State of Florida long enough to try and incriminate me and take my kid's from me."
The judge asked him, "Mr. Sanchez, has Mrs. Sanchez ever threatened to harm you or put her hands on you?"
Saul said, "No your honor."
The judge beckoned, "Then why are you wasting all of our time. Get out of my courtroom."
Saul must have been conspiring with Missy because as soon as he moved out she was constantly on B's case. You can view all the public police reports from 2015 at PCSO (2881 Cathy Ln. Clearwater FL 33760),
PINELLAS COUNTY SHERIFF'S OFFICE
Case Master Report
SO15-254275
Date Initiated 06/16/2015
Upon my arrival, I made contact with the complainant, SANCHES, BEA NICOLE who stated her roommate, ELLIOT, MISSY came home and started yelling, arguing with her.
When asked why she was arguing and yelling at her, Bea stated she is going through a divorce and she has no money to pay her. Bea said she has been staying at the residence for the past year and has no other place to go.
I spoke to Missy about the incident. Missy stated she was yelling at Bea because she needed to get her belongings together and leave the residence. Missy said she cannot afford to support her and she needs to move out. I explained to Missy that since Bea has been living at the residence for a year, she would have to go to the court house and begin the eviction process which she said she would.
In order to solve the problem for the night Bea said she would stay in her room and Missy said she would stay in her room as well.
Disposition: Case closed, solved NON-CRIMINAL
Mamita, and papa also were trying, PCSO (Police reports 2909 Gulf to Bay Blvd Apt B205, Clearwater FL 33759), to get to B and alienate her from the three people that meant the world to her.
They even got the authorities involved by spreading false allegations to tarnish B's good name and work the CPI (child protective investigator) against her and in Saul's favor. All reports show no criminal intent/ case solved because there was no crime just false allegations, so why should B be treated as if she is guilty when she is obviously an innocent victim? B has a clean record. This is not fair, she NEVER hurt her kids, or anyone else for that matter. So why are they not currently in her care?
Extended monologue for B's Preaching future self..... (Standing on a podium as an older woman speaking before a public assembly displaying their human rights and B is trying to motivate them through her words to not lose hope.)
"Well, I discovered that being honest and forthcoming with a CPI (Child Protective Investigator) is not within your best interest because they will twist your words around and use it against you quickly. It is called heresay, which I have learned is the legal term, when a lot of people start spewing shit about you to other people and they start believing it even when it is not true.
This begins to ruin people's lives by making their security falter, and soon you begin to wonder....what has come of this world? Seriously, if they have been willing to make a legal term for it then it is obvious that human beings have learned to use this tactic quite commonly. Especially, during investigations when CPS (Child Protective Services) does not want to do their due diligence.
There are a lot of haters in this world that can't leave well enough alone. They are not content until they make you as miserable as them because misery loves company. Power and control play's a huge factor when lies and manipulation are concerned.
Narcissistic people thrive off of making other's feel weak, and love to suck the life out of vulnerable people and children. I know it is hard to hear the GOD's honest truth, but this is the devil's playground at times that we are subjected to, but please my people choose not to give it power because we already know that our Lord Almighty reigns and has overcome him in the kingdom of Heaven.
Many still don't believe. God will bless those who do. We just have to continue to have hope, faith, and speak our truth because we shall overcome someday and be reunited with our loved one's.
Please don't ever give up fighting for what you believe, or lose your will to survive. Our God given right is worth living for, so we can't check out when our children need us. Thou shall not kill, including thyself. Don't be afraid to rise above and speak the truth, trust that others will follow because LIFE is too short, so live it to the fullest. Eventually if you keep speaking your truth your children will hear it, and it will change history.
The parental civil rights movement will enlighten future generations to build a stronger foundation within this broken family infrastructure, and instill National Human Rights.
It WILL happen, one person, one moment, one day at a time, until it forms a ripple effect to prove that human lives matter. Children's lives matter. National Human Rights are here to stay and must be enforced by the people in all the nations. That is what we should be fighting for all across the board, starting in each state, and country.
Human Rights unions. That is something I would like to see my tax money go into. A real organization that defends the people against discrimination. Unions that will fight for us when our rights are being violated. Unions that can give power to the people against corrupt companies, departments, federal organizations, and judicial systems that is something I would personally devote my life to making happen.
I wish president Donald Trump would support these unions to back up the people so we can be proud to stand as Americans and set the barr. If America can accomplish this, then so can other countries. We have to support our own country first and foremost before we can even attempt to fix others. That's the bottom line.
Each country should be more focused on bringing justice amongst their people, rather than fighting and destroying. We should be working together and figuering out ways to help our planet thrive without destroying it. This should be our common goal.
The human mind CAN be capable of so much more, but all that history has proven time and time again is that humanity is more focused on destruction, than perseverance.
- B'onnie
Thursday, May 11, 2017
Chapter 46- Happy Birthday B!
06/13/2015
I can't say I didn't try to get a hold of Primo for weeks because I did, but at some point I lost hope.
I gave up and said to myself if it is meant to be, and he is really my twin flame then it will be. He will somehow find his way back to me.
Another soul mate was catching my attention through Facebook just in the nick of time. It was destiny. An old friend from grade school. You know the one? The boy that was always getting sent to the principles office. I was always too shy to approach him back then. Do you believe that? Me? Shy?
His name was Zane and he hit me up right before my birthday for a date and I was relieved that I didn't have to spend it alone like I was going to.
I had a job interview which turned out good and I started to get ready for my date. I wasn't really sure how I should dress, but it was Florida so I could get away with something hot. I put on some high heeled strappy shoes and brought my flip flops just in case. I wore my pink halter top with my black sailor pants. Threw my hair up in a french twist and applied some makeup just in time for the bell to ring.
Who to my wondering eyes should appear, but somebody I haven't seen in over 20 years.
He had his shades on, and he was tall, dirty blonde. He was wearing boots with jeans and t- shirt. Still cute like I recall. I welcomed him in my home and offered him a drink. Zane declined and we exited. We decided to go to first night in downtown St. Pete. On the first Friday night of every month St. Petersburg shuts traffic down around the blocks where all the clubs are at so customer's can party safely.
As I stepped into my driveway I saw what Zane arrived in, but none other than a Harley Davidson. Wow! No friggin way! This is my ultimate dream come true. Sportin a Hot ride, to a Hot spot, with a Hot guy, on my fucking Birthday, how fucking cool is this? Pinch me because I know I got to be fucking dreaming.
I just want to say thank you Zane from the bottom of my heart for making one of my dreams come true and I only wish I could have made one of those dreams a reality for you too, from the bottom of my heart it's true. Just between the two of us. We will always have this night to remember.
Like I said that night was a dream, from the two of us arriving at Applebee's and getting our picture snapped by random stranger's. To you opening the door and treating me like a lady the whole night, and catering to grabbing my shoes when I could no longer sport my heels. You were a complete gentlemen that night, and I am glad I met you Zane.
Thank you for coming into my life just in the nick of time, because I believed you may have saved it.
I can't say I didn't try to get a hold of Primo for weeks because I did, but at some point I lost hope.
I gave up and said to myself if it is meant to be, and he is really my twin flame then it will be. He will somehow find his way back to me.
Another soul mate was catching my attention through Facebook just in the nick of time. It was destiny. An old friend from grade school. You know the one? The boy that was always getting sent to the principles office. I was always too shy to approach him back then. Do you believe that? Me? Shy?
His name was Zane and he hit me up right before my birthday for a date and I was relieved that I didn't have to spend it alone like I was going to.
I had a job interview which turned out good and I started to get ready for my date. I wasn't really sure how I should dress, but it was Florida so I could get away with something hot. I put on some high heeled strappy shoes and brought my flip flops just in case. I wore my pink halter top with my black sailor pants. Threw my hair up in a french twist and applied some makeup just in time for the bell to ring.
Who to my wondering eyes should appear, but somebody I haven't seen in over 20 years.
He had his shades on, and he was tall, dirty blonde. He was wearing boots with jeans and t- shirt. Still cute like I recall. I welcomed him in my home and offered him a drink. Zane declined and we exited. We decided to go to first night in downtown St. Pete. On the first Friday night of every month St. Petersburg shuts traffic down around the blocks where all the clubs are at so customer's can party safely.
As I stepped into my driveway I saw what Zane arrived in, but none other than a Harley Davidson. Wow! No friggin way! This is my ultimate dream come true. Sportin a Hot ride, to a Hot spot, with a Hot guy, on my fucking Birthday, how fucking cool is this? Pinch me because I know I got to be fucking dreaming.
I just want to say thank you Zane from the bottom of my heart for making one of my dreams come true and I only wish I could have made one of those dreams a reality for you too, from the bottom of my heart it's true. Just between the two of us. We will always have this night to remember.
Like I said that night was a dream, from the two of us arriving at Applebee's and getting our picture snapped by random stranger's. To you opening the door and treating me like a lady the whole night, and catering to grabbing my shoes when I could no longer sport my heels. You were a complete gentlemen that night, and I am glad I met you Zane.
Thank you for coming into my life just in the nick of time, because I believed you may have saved it.
Sunday, April 30, 2017
Chapter 44- Inspirational Creativity (just scroll all the way down to read. Editing is being a bitch)
Bea became inspired to write again and to create lyrics. She had the urge to branch out and collaborate with other musicians to blend these lyrics with others music. Bea started blending her lyrics over other musician's tracks on soundcloud and discovered her creative collaborative expression and this felt liberating.
Bea then began to question herself. Whatever happened to my dream of becoming a singer?
Bea prayed about it and GOD answered her by calling her back in and showing me that it is never too late. Bea realized then that what she needed was to move forward and embrace her gift to transcend a very important message that needed to be heard.
Lyrics and melody's started coming out of nowhere. She would be in the shower and a song would come to her. She had to jump out of the shower and write it down before she forgot it, until Bea realized that she could use her voice recorder to catch the lyrics. It was like she was encompassing a spiritual awakening, and she desired to share it with the world. How? Was the question.
Bea started branching out and meeting other musicians in the community. One gentleman, Clyde, she met on first Friday in St. Petersburg. He was already becoming a prominent musician there. Bea decided to call him and get together to see if she still had the spark to perform.
She first set out on her journey to a hot spot called Mad Hatters Ethnobotanical Tea Bar, which was the first kava and karaton bar she had ever encountered. That place has an amazing staff and very inviting atmosphere. She got a hooka and found the expertise of the staff helpful and highly recommend for anyone first trying kava. They made it a very chill experience.
As she sat enjoying the ambiance and the hooka that was purchased, a young gentleman approached her. I don't recall his name, but he shared with her his gift of musical expression as well, and Bea asked him if he wanted to perform with her tonight. He agreed and we learned a song by Deelite, Grove Is In The Heart.
She sent a text message to Clyde...
B: What club you at again?
Clyde: Heading to ringside right now, 2nd and central.
Bea told her friend and they both jumped on the scooter and headed downtown. They both sat at the bar and Bea shot Clyde another text.
B: I'm here now
Clyde : Where are you? Haha..I'm sitting out front, didn't see you inside. I guess text me when you're really there lol...
Bea looked around and didn't see him. Bea thought to herself.... is this a joke? Well I will step outside and scope it out.
Bea didn't see Clyde and sent him another text.
B: Im outside. Where r you?
Finally Clyde walked into the bar and Bea reconnected with him. He told me her his band was not able to play the song she selected and Bea kind of felt bad that she had dragged this boy here to help her sing it.
Then Clyde pulled her over to the side and asked her; "What is he doing here?" She told him; "Well he is going to sing the song with me." Clyde retorted, "You don't want to be hanging around that kind of riff raff it will present a bad image." I respected his opinion, but it did sound kind of prejudice of him.
Bea stepped on his stage and sang Me And Bobby McGee by Janis Joplin and then Clyde asked her if she can sing anything else. Bea rambled off a bunch of other songs she knew and he picked a song by George Michael, Faith.
Bea felt very comfortable and in her element on that stage. It finally seemed as if she found her calling. The only question now was, who is going to be my band? Clyde had already developed his own band so in actuality he was Bea's competition and after hearing her sing I believe he began to realize that as well, but he did give Bea some pertinent advice. Clyde told Bea, "B, you need to take the time to get to know your own sound and music. Put on your headphones and play it over and over until you feel what your singing, and believe the message your willing to portray."
After Bea left the ringside and drove my friend back home Bea kept thinking about the advice Clyde gave her and she acknowledged his theory to be genuine and true. That is exactly what Bea did and she followed up with a text message to thank him.
B: Hey Clyde, I just wanted to say Thank you very much for inviting me to your gig last night. Not many musicians allow that especially lead singers in bands. I really appreciate it, I do. I really needed an outlet and it felt awesome. I feel like my old self again. I should start working on some creative songs of my own. Anytime you make an appearance please text me and I'll try to make It. Thanks again B
Bea's experience was very genuine. Her creative music venture blossomed from there
Bea was so inspired and feeling all her emotions intensely. All her happiness, sadness excitement, triump, courage, and strength. She had a vision of her old dreams submerging to the surface.
Bea became inspired to write again and to create lyrics. She had the urge to branch out and collaborate with other musicians to blend these lyrics with others music. Bea started blending her lyrics over other musician's tracks on soundcloud and discovered her creative collaborative expression and this felt liberating.
Bea then began to question herself. Whatever happened to my dream of becoming a singer?
Bea prayed about it and GOD answered her by calling her back in and showing me that it is never too late. Bea realized then that what she needed was to move forward and embrace her gift to transcend a very important message that needed to be heard.
Lyrics and melody's started coming out of nowhere. She would be in the shower and a song would come to her. She had to jump out of the shower and write it down before she forgot it, until Bea realized that she could use her voice recorder to catch the lyrics. It was like she was encompassing a spiritual awakening, and she desired to share it with the world. How? Was the question.
Bea started branching out and meeting other musicians in the community. One gentleman, Clyde, she met on first Friday in St. Petersburg. He was already becoming a prominent musician there. Bea decided to call him and get together to see if she still had the spark to perform.
She first set out on her journey to a hot spot called Mad Hatters Ethnobotanical Tea Bar, which was the first kava and karaton bar she had ever encountered. That place has an amazing staff and very inviting atmosphere. She got a hooka and found the expertise of the staff helpful and highly recommend for anyone first trying kava. They made it a very chill experience.
As she sat enjoying the ambiance and the hooka that was purchased, a young gentleman approached her. I don't recall his name, but he shared with her his gift of musical expression as well, and Bea asked him if he wanted to perform with her tonight. He agreed and we learned a song by Deelite, Grove Is In The Heart.
She sent a text message to Clyde...
B: What club you at again?
Clyde: Heading to ringside right now, 2nd and central.
Bea told her friend and they both jumped on the scooter and headed downtown. They both sat at the bar and Bea shot Clyde another text.
B: I'm here now
Clyde : Where are you? Haha..I'm sitting out front, didn't see you inside. I guess text me when you're really there lol...
Bea looked around and didn't see him. Bea thought to herself.... is this a joke? Well I will step outside and scope it out.
Bea didn't see Clyde and sent him another text.
B: Im outside. Where r you?
Finally Clyde walked into the bar and Bea reconnected with him. He told me her his band was not able to play the song she selected and Bea kind of felt bad that she had dragged this boy here to help her sing it.
Then Clyde pulled her over to the side and asked her; "What is he doing here?" She told him; "Well he is going to sing the song with me." Clyde retorted, "You don't want to be hanging around that kind of riff raff it will present a bad image." I respected his opinion, but it did sound kind of prejudice of him.
Bea stepped on his stage and sang Me And Bobby McGee by Janis Joplin and then Clyde asked her if she can sing anything else. Bea rambled off a bunch of other songs she knew and he picked a song by George Michael, Faith.
Bea felt very comfortable and in her element on that stage. It finally seemed as if she found her calling. The only question now was, who is going to be my band? Clyde had already developed his own band so in actuality he was Bea's competition and after hearing her sing I believe he began to realize that as well, but he did give Bea some pertinent advice. Clyde told Bea, "B, you need to take the time to get to know your own sound and music. Put on your headphones and play it over and over until you feel what your singing, and believe the message your willing to portray."
After Bea left the ringside and drove my friend back home Bea kept thinking about the advice Clyde gave her and she acknowledged his theory to be genuine and true. That is exactly what Bea did and she followed up with a text message to thank him.
B: Hey Clyde, I just wanted to say Thank you very much for inviting me to your gig last night. Not many musicians allow that especially lead singers in bands. I really appreciate it, I do. I really needed an outlet and it felt awesome. I feel like my old self again. I should start working on some creative songs of my own. Anytime you make an appearance please text me and I'll try to make It. Thanks again B
Bea's experience was very genuine. Her creative music venture blossomed from there
Thursday, April 27, 2017
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
LET HIM GO. (REVOLUTION Lyrics) by B' onnie
May 2015
LET HIM GO
Let him go, let him go
It is time to let him go
It is evident he don't need you
Or want you so
You need to
Let him go
He broke your heart
So ease your pain
And relinquish
Thoughts in your brain
You don't have to wallow in pain
Sometimes life may seem so mundane
So take your time
And let him go
You tell yourself
That he'll be there
But in fact he really don't care
What did I do
For you to hate me so?
Other than loving you
So let him
Go.
Feel free to listen to this song with instrumentals behind it on SoundCloud.com- Boston B'onnie Audette. Thanx 4 listening n caring. This song goes out to my soon to be
x-husband that proves 2 me day by day that he never really gave a shit about me to begin with, so why should I even care so much? I guess I was the better person in the relationship since I showed a lot more compassion then most people would have.
Sunday, April 9, 2017
Chapter 36- Primo's Jail House Heart Break
03/10/2015
After the holiday's passed it started to set in to all of us how lonely it was without Primo. He got locked up in jail due to his new baby's mama who would not put up with his shit. On Thanksgiving day papa wouldn't even show his face at the head of the dinner table because he was so depressed. Mama prepared a lovely dinner too. I wished Primo was there too.
I started writing him letter's building a strong bond spiritually and I started to feel more alive. I would sit in my kid's room writing and my toe's would curl as if I was a stupid little girl in love, and in a strange sense I was falling in love.
One day we had a barbecue over my in-laws house and they were drinking. It started to rain, but we still stayed in the pool and mama started crying. She was so depressed over losing her mom and not seeing her son for he was in jail. She would go to visit him all the time. It broke her heart though seeing him locked up like that. After we went back to the house it was just her and I, she told me about how she missed her son so and then she passed out. I told her, "No mamita, you can't go now Primo would never forgive himself." So I did everything I could to revive her, but she was unresponsive. I rolled her onto the bed and called 911. They told me to check her pulse, but I did not feel one so they told me 2 get her down to the floor to perform CPR. I tried but she was too heavy and then Papa and Saul came home they helped me and were in a state of confusion as I started chest compressions. As soon as I gave her mouth to mouth she gasped for air and came to. Then the paramedics arrived to take over.
I know I saved her life and that she had a stroke for when we arrived at the hospital the whole left side of her face was sagging. It is funny how papa and Saul could not believe it. Had I not of been there my mother in-law would have been dead. She told me that she had a dream that Primo was following her.
After the holiday's passed it started to set in to all of us how lonely it was without Primo. He got locked up in jail due to his new baby's mama who would not put up with his shit. On Thanksgiving day papa wouldn't even show his face at the head of the dinner table because he was so depressed. Mama prepared a lovely dinner too. I wished Primo was there too.
I started writing him letter's building a strong bond spiritually and I started to feel more alive. I would sit in my kid's room writing and my toe's would curl as if I was a stupid little girl in love, and in a strange sense I was falling in love.
One day we had a barbecue over my in-laws house and they were drinking. It started to rain, but we still stayed in the pool and mama started crying. She was so depressed over losing her mom and not seeing her son for he was in jail. She would go to visit him all the time. It broke her heart though seeing him locked up like that. After we went back to the house it was just her and I, she told me about how she missed her son so and then she passed out. I told her, "No mamita, you can't go now Primo would never forgive himself." So I did everything I could to revive her, but she was unresponsive. I rolled her onto the bed and called 911. They told me to check her pulse, but I did not feel one so they told me 2 get her down to the floor to perform CPR. I tried but she was too heavy and then Papa and Saul came home they helped me and were in a state of confusion as I started chest compressions. As soon as I gave her mouth to mouth she gasped for air and came to. Then the paramedics arrived to take over.
I know I saved her life and that she had a stroke for when we arrived at the hospital the whole left side of her face was sagging. It is funny how papa and Saul could not believe it. Had I not of been there my mother in-law would have been dead. She told me that she had a dream that Primo was following her.
I told her, "That is probably why it is not your time because if you were to go Primo would follow you. He is not strong enough yet to handle your death and you know this. That is why it is not your time, but I promise you mama when it is time I will do my best to look after both of your sons."
I really meant every word from the bottom of my heart and I still do. They will always be family to me. Even after they did me dirty I still consider them my family.
I also told papa the same thing, whether or not he understood or believed me I don't know because he was drunk. I told him that he should love both of his sons equally. That they both deserve and need his love and that if he was to run for governor in his country that I would support him and live there if he wanted me to. I would have done anything for my daddy for he was the only daddy in my life that ever showed me love. They were my parents to and if they needed me to care for them towards the end I would've done it. Then they turned their backs on me and kept me from my kid's.
You won't allow me to hug my kid's and let me tell them I love them? Really?
Goes to show how deceitful family can be. If you can't count on your family. Who can you count on?
I also told papa the same thing, whether or not he understood or believed me I don't know because he was drunk. I told him that he should love both of his sons equally. That they both deserve and need his love and that if he was to run for governor in his country that I would support him and live there if he wanted me to. I would have done anything for my daddy for he was the only daddy in my life that ever showed me love. They were my parents to and if they needed me to care for them towards the end I would've done it. Then they turned their backs on me and kept me from my kid's.
You won't allow me to hug my kid's and let me tell them I love them? Really?
Goes to show how deceitful family can be. If you can't count on your family. Who can you count on?
Saturday, March 25, 2017
Chapter 33- A loaded barrell in my face
10/27/2014
It had been a
while since I had spoken to Primo. I heard he had moved out of his parents
place and got his own spot in Largo. I thought I would stop by and pay him a
surprise visit. I knocked on the door and resting on top of him watching a
movie was a new girl. It never took him long to find comfort, whereas, now I have
been single almost two years, and I can't still get him out of my head. Love
hurts.
I wouldn't say
Primo wasn't courteous. He showed me around, and the following day I came back
with his brother. Of course it was the weekend so Saul had to be drinking and
Primo took Saul privately in the other room to show Saul something. Saul comes
stumbling around the corner with a revolver pointed straight at my head, with
his finger on the trigger, and just an arm’s length away, laughing. I just
about shit my pants. I said, "What the fuck is wrong with you? You know I
hate guns." Saul cocked the gun. Then Primo said, "C'mon mano it's
loaded, no fuckin around." I gasped, "OMG!" and cried real tears.
I believe I almost
died and Primo might have saved my life; if he didn't talk some sense into Saul
that night he would've killed me. He would've tried to blame it on the alcohol
like he always does, said he blacked out, and don't remember. I wonder if
that works for murder chargers too, Saul? How is that one supposed to hold up in
a court of law? You can plead insanity, or just get deported for not being a
United States Citizen and having no legal right to bear arms. Especially when
intoxicated and suffering with a mental illness that hinders your better judgment.
Who is the one
diluted? Is that what you told the judge, that I was diluted? Do you even know
what that means? Ignorance really is bliss I guess when you’re a Narcissus.
Let's give you a clue, so I may educate all of you. You see I really don't care
anymore, because I have already lost everything that I have ever held near and
dear to my heart, and I can see that I am not going to get them back, so I mind
as well make it clear why.
Saul said I was
diluted.....which means I was made weaker by adding water or force. This the
judge must have bought because now I do not have my children, he does. All the
judge has done now is give him the jurisdiction to dismiss me from my
children's lives entirely, and he doesn't have any empathy. He is as cold and
neglectful to our hearts as they come. The judge has just given my children
over to a monster.
He on the other
hand is Narcissistic:
1. Quiet
Smugness/Superiority: When they do speak, their comments tend to be critical and
judgmental, focusing on their own conceited views.
2. Self-Absorption: Only what they selfishly want and find agreeable.
3. Lack of Empathy: Oblivious to, or dismissive of others’ thoughts and feelings. Even when you tell them how their attitudes and actions are generating adverse consequences
4. Passive-Aggressiveness Upon receiving a reasonable request from you, they might say “okay,” “yes,” “of course,” or “as you wish,” then either do nothing, or behave however they please.
5. Highly Sensitive. In the face of negative feedback, some introvert narcissists will defend with an increased sense of superior smugness and dismissal (fight), while others will respond with sullen withdraw (flight). Typically, they will not let on how much the negative experience bothers them, and instead use their well-rehearsed aloofness to continue their schema. Some will turn bright red and run their whole head under a faucet of cold water. (This was Saul)
6. The
“Misunderstood Special Person”
The self-perceptions of some introverted narcissists include
notions such as: “I’m special,” “I’m one-of a kind,” “I’m ahead of my time,”
“I’m so unique no one understands me,” and “I’m so smart I’m above everyone
else.” Statements such as these reveal common narcissistic tendencies of superiority, grandiosity, and entitlement.
7. Impersonal and
Difficult Relationships
As mentioned earlier, part of the introvert narcissist’s
insecurity is the inability to genuinely connect with people. To this extent,
the aloofness and/or smugness serve as a defensive mechanism keeping people
away, lest the narcissist is exposed for her or his interpersonal
inadequacies.
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
Chapter 32- Going Under Water
02/16/2013
I was struggling
with Post Par-tum Depression, grieving, PTSD, and taking medication I shouldn't
have been prescribed.
I was sinking
emotionally. I begged my mother to stay because I knew I couldn't handle being
by myself with the baby, Pat, and with a broken ankle. I was right. Saul was
working days and nights. He barely came home at all. Not even on our wedding
anniversary that just passed and although I know it might have been a test it
was a cruel test at that and I don't think that I passed.
Like I said I was
left alone all day with the baby and I was begging for some help so I bribed
Primo to come over to keep me company. I must confess it was a relief not to be
alone. At one point I took it upon myself to lay my head on his chest because
that's where I felt secure with my ear to his heart always. Personally I could
stay like that forever; Primo on the other hand always had to take it to the next
level. Like a knight he swept me up in his arms with my cast on taking me to my
room he had his way with me so like I said monthly visits... test failed. What
is it about this man?
Later that day I
stumbled, lost my balance and fell. I called out for Primo to help me. No
answer, but Jr. crawls over to me. I call again, no response. Jr. lies on my
chest we both cry out for help finally Primo comes and I tell him my problem.
He doesn't seem to care and walks out the door. What is going on? I’m hurting
here.... do you not care? Isn't that why you were here in the first place to
help me? What just happened is that you walked out of my life when I needed you
most, if this is going to be a common trend then what good are you? When the
going gets tough that is when you must stick it through so people feel that
they can rely on you. The most rewarding people in our lives never come to us easily;
strong ties require a lot of patience, compassion, and hard work.
As I waited for Saul
that night depression set in, I felt myself sinking, I wanted to give up and
let go. I was in the tub and that's what I felt myself doing....I was drowning
and I told myself I am coming to you nana. I was looking through the water I
broke through and nana reminded me that Jr. still needed me.
When I got out of
the tub I put on my robe and Saul came home in a fit of rage. He was giving me
hell about the baby not having a diaper, about this, about that, just picking a
fight like he always does and then punches my Aunt Patty's picture and breaks
it. I ran to the bathroom scared now justifying all my reasons for wanting to
die and I proceeded by taking all of the pills I owned. I cried and listened to
every one of his insults as they penetrated throughout my brain like a broken
record and I thought, I'm finally shutting you off mother fucker.
I could only
assume that Primo had told him. When I approached him out of the bathroom I said, "Why did you punch my deceased godmother's picture?" and he replied, "I don't like the way she smiled at me." I said, "She was smiling for the picture and that was the only picture I had of her. Your cruel man. I know that punch was intended for me?" Saul
was still in an irate mood claiming he wants a divorce. I told him what I had
done in the bathroom.
I said, "Don't you worry about a divorce I’ll be dead before you know
it." He didn't believe me.
I told him, "If you don't call someone I’m
going to die."
Saul said, "Your full of shit"
After I thought
about it and realized this is not what I really wanted. What I really wanted
was to be loved and get attention, but not like this. This was just a cry for
help. So I picked up the
phone and I dialed my therapist. She answered and asked me if I was alone and
asked to speak with my husband.
My therapist told Saul, "If you don't hang
up and call 911 your wife is going to die."
Saul replied, "Understood
will do."
Then Saul hung up and started yelling at me more, not doing a
damn thing to save me. Thank GOD I was coherent enough to call 911 myself so I
could save my own life because my husband was going to let me die.
After that moment I NEVER
gave him the satisfaction of breaking me down like that ever again, I realized then he wasn't worth my life.
Friday, March 3, 2017
Chapter 27- I'll Forever Miss You My Best Friend
05/19/2012
Soon after I was
able to collect some money to get back to my nana in MA because she needed me
and I needed to be there to care for her.
When I arrived she seemed so vibrant
and full of life and within two weeks she drastically declined. On the last
days of her life I listened to her wail in the middle of the night for the Lord
to relieve her of her pain and it would kill me inside to watch her suffer and
I would pray with her. It was during this time that I found out that I was with
child. My nana prayed over my belly and promised to watch over this child even
after she was gone she promised to be his guardian angel. We lit a candle and
prayed that her journey would be quick and painless.
My nana was a
fighter she always had her wits about her and I knew something was wrong the
following day before her passing when she mistaken my best friend for somebody
else in our family. Then she stopped commenting when we sat and watched General
Hospital. Oh, that was not nana, she always had to comment on her soaps. That's
when I knew she was slipping away. I haven't watched General Hospital since
then because that was our thing.
Hospice came in
that same day and admitted her into the hospital and when they came out of the
room they informed us, "It is time to say your goodbye's she does not have
much time left." Most of us were in denial. Nobody wanted to believe that
she was dying. She was the head commander and chief and without her there would
have been none of us. We know that. The circle of life had made a complete 360.
One passes and another 3 were being born. My cousin Paris just had a baby, my
sister Ashleigh was pregnant, and so was I.
Family came out of
the woodwork and when I say that, I mean they came deep. It was nice to see how
family stuck together during these hard times. My nana was not mother only to
us but also to many other's growing up. She took that role on often and played
it well.
I watched my nana
die. They brought her to the ER and had to put a port in her neck.
Nana wailed, “B stop it! Leave me alone B!"
That was the last time I heard my
Nana call my name or heard her voice and this killed me inside out, because her
last memory was of me torturing her and it wasn't even me that was doing it.
Why? That just made me feel terrible. I just wanted to get them all off of her
and make her better myself, but there was nothing anyone could do. It was too
late. All they could possibly do now was try and make her feel as
comfortable and pain free as possible.
I stood by her
bedside for 3 days and wept and prayed. Other family member's did the same. We
just hated seeing her there so motionless. I was just hoping any minute she was
going to wake up, but she didn't. Her hands were still warm, her skin was still
soft, and her hair was still beautiful. I just knelt on the ground by her bed,
held her hand, and cried for what seemed like hours. I prayed the rosary over
her body, which she taught me, and then said goodbye because I couldn't do it
no more. I was just so tired, hungry, and weak. There was just no more energy
left in me. I gave it all to her and her mission to heaven.
So I went
back to her room at home and lay on her bed and this book fell down from the
top of the closet. This was one of my Nana's spiritual books called,
"Inspirations from GOD". I think she wanted me to have it and since
05/19/2012 I have read it every day.
That night I fell
asleep and woke up finding out about her death the next morning. I do wish I
was there but I know I probably would have had a hard time dealing with it like
I do everything else when I am around a lot of people it just intensifies my
emotions.
Nothing else ever
came easy after that and I felt very disconnected from my family since then
because she was the glue that tied me to them and now we have all fallen apart.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)