Showing posts with label Try Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Try Love. Show all posts

Friday, November 3, 2017

CHAPTER 64- The first post of the PCRM Blog.

March 26, 2016

To instill hope in rebuilding the family infrastructure..........

This was B'onnie's 1st post ever written in the Parental Civil Rights Movement Blog.

Parentalrightsmovement@blogspot.com

To instill hope in rebuilding the family infrastructure for the American people.

"Let us think about each other and help each other to show love and do good deeds."
            Hebrews 10:24


Should we implement the law for families after, before, or during a seperation?

In order to cope with coexistence through living in seperate quarters, but having the rights to being in public arenas for the children's sake; on holidays, extra curriculum activities, and school events, unless of course a restraining order is put in place?

I need everyone elses input on this.

Then Moses said to the people,

"Remember this day in which you came out of Egypt, out of the house of slavery, for by a strong hand the LORD brought you out from this place. No leavened bread shall be eaten."
                         Exodus- 13:3

EXODUS- Bob Marley
movement of the people

Friday, September 8, 2017

CHAPTER 61: REVELATIONS





Donate your hair to children who need it.
http://www.locksoflove.org

Blessed is the one who reads the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take heart what is written in it, because the time is near.
                                -REVELATION 1:3

Then one of the elders asked me. "These in white robes--who are they, and where did they come from?" I answered, "Sir, you know." And he said, "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the lamb. Therefore, they are before the throne of God and serve him day and night in his temple; and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them. Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. For the lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepard; they will lead you to spring's of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."
                      - REVELATIONS- 7:13

August 21, 2017

Great American solar eclipse will be the final wakeup call to stir this spiritual enlightenment. A reminder that you must repent. Many will not survive these trying time's. Prepare yourselves.

The fourth Angel sounded his trumpet, and a third of the sun was struck, a third of the moon, and a third of the star's, so that a third of them turned dark. A third of the day was without light, and also a third of the night.
As I watched, I heard an eagle that was flying in midair call out in a loud voice: "woe! woe to the inhabitants of the earth, because of the trumpet blasts about to be sounded by the other three angels!" -                          -REVELATIONS- 8:12

Cataclysmic judgement will be in effect for the next 33 day's. After will become the Great American Firestorm.

God's purpose of fearful sights and great signs from heaven is to bring many people- who would not have done otherwise- to call upon the name of the Lord.


For the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. -Romans 10:12

GOD has designed special configurations among the stars to function as signs.  They are signs that herald prophetic events among the Earth. This heralding will serve notice before the eyes of the world that the time of event's foretold by the Lord has arrived. All this means that the great sign of heaven has full authority to function as a public event legally documenting the final great warning of God.

The Lord is the great prophet. As a prophet he is accountable to warn all who are under his ministry. The great wonder in heaven is his imminent and astounding warning to all the time of judgement is here.....

The judgement is written in the book......

The judgement is written in the stars....

The prophets have warned you....

This judgement is just.

This means the Lord cannot be charged with any wrong against man or angel for the judgement he is bringing upon this world.
                               -Ezekiel-

You are served notice. The Lords end time events are about to overtake you. The great sign in heaven is the colossal herald proclaiming that the prophetic troubles of the last days have arrived. Most of us refuse to believe Gods work by faith, while we believe his working through a sign. So God is going to give us a sign. A great sign. This great sign will herald sudden and great judgement. 

But why?

The rebel lawmakers of the golden empire have foolishly attacked Christian purity. The attack on purity is because the lawmakers will not have holiness to rule over them. 

But to reject God's holiness is to reject God himself. In the end, the rebels own reasoning force's them to declare war on God. As soon as the rebels feel bold enough, open war breaks out. In defiance, they reach out and seize their own court officers that are still walking in holiness. 

At this point the spirit of Sodom overtakes the land, the Lord acts swiftly. The judgement of Sodom will be poured out on the spirit of Sodom. 
The Lord begins moving into place his storehouse, for the day of battle. 

Like little David, all he needs is some rocks, the day of battle arrives. It is a day of fearful sights and great sign from heaven. 

The Lord takes aim and the golden Goliath suddenly falls. 


The empire will die in one hour, unrepentant in its wickedness. 
                    -REVELATIONS-18:10

The unrepentant empire - and the church in the unrepentant empire- have together refused to confess the empires fatal sin. 

What is this fatal sin that brings such sudden judgement? 

Our fatal sin is the replacement of holiness with human rights as our guiding moral principle in life and government. This is a direct opposition to the Lords decree:

You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy.
                             -Leviticus- 19:2

They manifest insanity of pornographic rights, abortion rights, and homosexual rights. This is why evil has become good and good has become evil in our land.

The unrepentant adherence to the doctrine of human rights that is producing the trampling of the holiness of God in our courts is the garuntee of the firestorm of the golden empire. Your only hope will be to turn to the Lord Jesus Christ. For Jesus himself said:

As earnestly as I can say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of heaven. 💘 I am not sure where it is written but there is a nice passage that touched me deeply on -John 2- 

In the same conversation with Nicodemus, Jesus also said;

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. That whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life.

Call on him with all your heart. Please do not risk one day's wait. 
Everyone pray out loud with me, even if you are already born-again.
Decide now a say this prayer;

Jesus! I cry out to you. I admit I am a sinner- fallen and under your judgement. In confusion I have replaced your holiness with mans counterfeit. I want to be born- again and see rightly. Rescue me from your firestorm. ...and send your holy spirit to dwell in me.
                                     Amen

Now try your spiritual eyes. Find a bible and read the Gospel of John.
It is the fourth book in the new testament. 

Noon over Jerusalem

Darkness falls over the Earth and the sign of great wonder appears within hours the firestorm of the golden empire begins.

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of Justice.

These are the consequences for allowing the constructs of the devil to worm his way into our families and divide us from our kin. The lord is the only one that has a right to judge our existence. He is taking back his power soon. He is right and just in doing so for humankind is losing their way. The devil has corrupted the mind's and hearts of parent's to not rise up and take action. So the Lord is determined to take action to do it for us. This is divine intervention. He will give us the nudge we need now. It is our god given right as parents to raise these millennia's to be a better humanity. A more loving humanity. A more advanced and knowledgeable species. Which cannot happen until we tear apart our old constructs that the devil arranged and reroot and build a stronger foundation that cannot be corrupted.

I am not a doomsday conspirator. This message is divinely guided from our maker preparing you for the inevitable transformation of a New Earth.  A new beginning into the bronze Era. We must not fear this, but embrace this change with an open mind and heart, with love and light. For ALL of us are evolving whether we like it or not, we know it is coming and overdue. There is no escaping this fate. Just prepare your soul for this experience. Ask our maker for forgiveness and salvation. Make sure your children are purified as well. For they will be held accountable too. Do not dismiss a single soul. Repent and bring as many soul's with you. God will reward you. Christ will save you from all harm, so do not fear the trumpets blast for many will be protected from the wrath if they have faith in their heart's, and are putting in their life mission to save themselves, ground their body in Gaia, and connect to as many soul's along the way. 

What will happen 3rd of July 2020 going into September 17, 2020? Get ready for the REVELATION 12 sign.


Google-Nibiru Planet X


Sunday, May 21, 2017

Chapter 51: Family Conspiracy- Second Month

July 2015

B came to find out that Saul was still seeing his mistress (Emma) that he had been cheating on B with back in 2012. This was no surprise, once a cheater always a cheater. Saul didn't waste no time moving on and shacking up with Emma either.

B thought, (Did he even have a mourning period? Maybe for like two week's.)

Saul said,
 "That marriage was a joke!"

What B really thought was that, (Saul as a person was a joke. No one should ever take him seriously for he was a big fucking shit talker and I am so glad I am over him. Emma you think I am jelous because you have my ex husband? LOL, keep him. I could care less. You did me a big favor. I am just livid because you stole my kid's and tried to turn them against me.)

Like B said to Emma when she first met her,
"Good luck with that."

Emma asked B,
"What do you mean?"

B never did give Emma an answer, turned around, and walked away.

B thought
(She has to know by now what I meant. I mean it has already been two year's since she has been dealing with Saul's stupid ass. Now she is pregnant by him. Really? There is no way Saul has not shown her his true colors by now. All the lies and cover ups have to be eating away at her conscience.)

B text to Emma:

It sucks to have to neglect everything you stand for. Breaking your own pact against Rick Scotts vulnerable person's act. Emma, let's not ever forget the role that you played in this conspiracy. Even though you convinced a two year old to call you mommy and brainwashed my kid's into believing I am a dead beat mom. You will NEVER be their mother and my children know how irreplaceable and great I am. I hope Post Partum Depression gets you good this time around and hopefully my kid's will never have to be exposed to your crazy bitch ass again.

B wanted to spend the 4th of July with her kid's. She went to go pick them up at Saul's parents house. He was reluctant to let the babies go with B.

B asked him,
"What is the big deal? I have been working hard and want to spend time with my kid's."

Saul said,
"Pat doesn't want to go with you, he wants to stay here and light off fire works."

B replied,
"He can light some off with me."

Saul said, "I don't think so, I need to discuss this more with Pat, come back later."

B was extremely hurt and confused. She headed to Bellair beach to gain some clarity.
B thought,
(What kind of fucking games is Saul playing now? It is as if he is turning on me. He promised he would never do this, we made a pact to not keep the children from eachother. Now it looks as though he is trying to block everything and everyone from me. This is just the opposite of what he promised, to let bygones be bygones. What a fucking liar he is. I thought we meant more to eachother.

What a fool I was to believe I could make us and being seperated and remaining a family work. Saul never had any intentions of cooperating for the children's sake. He just set out to punish me by withholding my babies. That evil son of a bitch doesn't deserve to be the father of any children especially my own. He is an abuser. If your not with me, then that must mean your against me. Why did I have to be optimistic? I should have left before it was too late. Now it has been two torturous years not knowing if my kid's are safe.)

B looked out into the ocean and she wept. She prayed to Jesus for an answer. This warm energy came over her to confide in her friends and family. She was desperate for an answer to her prayers. She called Aunt Trudy.

Aunt Trudy: "Go back. Get your kid's and bring them to my house."

 B went back to knock on that door and finish this discussion and she wasn't going to take no for an answer because she was their mother. B was so glad she did. B had her aunt on the phone as a witness in case Saul wanted to get nasty about it. Eventually Saul caved and let them kid's go with their mother that day. If B known then what she know now, she would have kept driving. She had the rights to protect them boy's.

B said,
" I didn't think THEY were gonna hurt us. They being Saul, Missy, Emma, Primo, Mama, and Papa.

Pat and Jr were so happy to be with me. I am so thankful for this precious moment with my babies. It was one of the last great memories I have left from 2015. Since then I have feared that it will be my only one left. It kill's me that two years have just been stolen from us.

My Aunt Trudy was a blessing that day. She welcomed us with open arms. I was not aware that it was her birthday too. Our gaurdian angels were drawing us close together. We jumped into her pool and I watched my children smile and be happy. Jr. was even swimming. He learned to swim! I was so proud. So much was happening in his life without me. Pat was squirting us with the noodle and my Aunt Trudy was taking beautiful picture's the whole time.

After the pool my Aunt took us to a party in her honor. We sat around the table and singing her Happy Birthday as she blew out her candles. The boys had such a great time playing monkey pile with the other boy's at the party. I wish I could have enjoyed it with them but I was so exhausted from all the crying and worrying I had done earlier I passed out. This was all too much for me. I was having a hard time fighting back and didn't have the energy in me to handle this. I was drained.

The following day my Aunt Trudy and I had a heart to heart. We discussed my situation and I was not aware that her and I shared a similar story, except she had her husband stolen out from underneath her by her sister. She did not agree with what I had done, and had a conflict of interest in helping me.

That was the last day that B saw her Aunt Trudy. Even her own blood were turning their backs and B was all alone without a friend in the world.
B thought, (How will I ever get through this?)

B say's:
"Scars remind us of where we been, they don't have to dictate where we are going."

Friday, May 19, 2017

Chapter 49- Family Conspiracy- First month

June 2015

Bea had one of the most memorable beach days with her boy's. They took their good friend Tanner with them and tried to convince Primo to come, but he still refused to talk to her. So they ventured out to the beach just the four of them.

It was quite nostalgic. The view of the sky against the ocean. Bea took lots of picture's of the boys running through the surf smiling and genuinely happy that day. Jr. being tempted to trample Pats sandcastle, and Pat gaurding it with his life. This is one of the last good memory's B had of her babies. The only photos that she had seen of them since 2015 they appeared to be so miserable. It Just broke B's heart because she was their mother. She knew it was her job to love and nurture them. By no fault of her own now she was failing them due to all this bullshit that should have never been part of their lives to begin with. We deserved a better life than this.

Pat deserved to build more sandcastles in the sand with his brother. Jr. needed more one-on-one storybook sticker craze potty time with his mommy. Jr was still not potty trained because the last time B had a visit, Jr. was even afraid to sit. Both of her boy's needed their mother's love and attention, and B needed their love back in return, after they were taken from B she had no one.

She tried to reconnect with friends and family, but it was too late, she wasn't the same person anymore. B was lost and depressed. The damage had been done. The only people that could fill that void were her children. This is what Maternal deprivation look's and feels like. As if someone is dismembering you.

The next Day after the beach, B had to work. Saul worked out an arrangement that his mom would watch the boys while she worked at her new job. Yet, somebody should have relayed the message to mami because she acted as if she didn't know anything about it.

When B showed up to drop the two boy's off with their backpacks, instead of welcoming her grandkids with welcoming hugs and kisses she ignorantly said, "No, no, no, no, no!", and slammed the door in the kid's faces. They obviously were confused asking their mommy questions that she didn't know the answers to.

As the kid's paced the hall B called Saul, "Saul, your mother just refused to watch the kid's. You need to come or else I'm going to lose my job. This is the second time you have done this now. It seems like this is what you want for me to lose my job?"

Saul said, "Don't panic, I am on my way."

B was surprised that Saul came as fast as he did, but it did not give them much time to talk. She knew there was something going on with Saul and his mom at least, but she didn't know what, for she was officially out of the loop now.

When B went to go pick up the kids later that month Primo was there alone with them. No mami, no Saul, no papa, just primo.

B knocked on the door and in a friendly tone said, "Hey Primo. Why don't you come out and talk to me?"

He said, "Go away."

B said, " That's not nice. Why the silent treatment? What did I ever do to you? I just came to pick up my kids. So let me have them."

Primo said, "Did you call my brother?"

B, "For real c'mon I didn't think I had to, but if you wanna play game's I'm gonna call someone. I'm gonna call the cops from witholding my children from me. Pat! Pat! Open this door and come out you and your brother and let's go home."

Pat said, "I can't, he won't let me."

This just fueled fire within B thinking of her babies being kept from her, and Primo witholding  Pat against his will, burned B up inside, which any loving parent would. So the third time in her whole entire life she called the police and PCSO did help her get the kids from that home.

As mami arrived and stepped out of her vehicle she redirected her middle finger at B right in front of the officer and called her, "crazy bitch."

The officer took her to the side and explained to them that without an order by a judge B has every right to her children unless there is a restraining order preventing her.

So guess what Primo did soon after that? He tried to put an injunction for protection on himself against B for stalking him, only he knows B well enough to suspect that she would never hurt him. He know's that she was just a pussy in love with his ass. This was just his way of trying to scare B off.

B directed towards Primo:
"You know what Primo? Heard your message loud and clear dear, I'm not a stalker. I just got caught up in the moment.  So it worked. Thanks for not showing up to the trial date my love."

Then soon after his brother Saul did the same thing.

B directed towards the audience: "Guess what? They both had it out for me so the judge set up the trial date for August 20, 2015, on the same day, in the same courtroom, at different times. First time I had ever had to go into a courtroom to defend myself. I was scared shitless. I had no idea how to do this."

"As you know Primo didn't show, but Saul did just to intimidate me and keep me in the State of Florida long enough to try and incriminate me and take my kid's from me."

The judge asked him, "Mr. Sanchez, has Mrs. Sanchez ever threatened to harm you or put her hands on you?"

Saul said, "No your honor."

The judge beckoned, "Then why are you wasting all of our time. Get out of my courtroom."

Saul must have been conspiring with Missy because as soon as he moved out she was constantly on B's case. You can view all the public police reports from 2015 at PCSO (2881 Cathy Ln. Clearwater FL 33760),

PINELLAS COUNTY SHERIFF'S OFFICE
Case Master Report
SO15-254275
Date Initiated 06/16/2015

Upon my arrival, I made contact with the complainant, SANCHES, BEA NICOLE who stated her roommate, ELLIOT, MISSY came home and started yelling, arguing with her.

When asked why she was arguing and yelling at her, Bea stated she is going through a divorce and she has no money to pay her. Bea said she has been staying at the residence for the past year and has no other place to go.

I spoke to Missy about the incident. Missy stated she was yelling at Bea because she needed to get her belongings together and leave the residence. Missy said she cannot afford to support her and she needs to move out. I explained to Missy that since Bea has been living at the residence for a year, she would have to go to the court house and begin the eviction process which she said she would.

In order to solve the problem for the night Bea said she would stay in her room and Missy said she would stay in her room as well.

Disposition: Case closed, solved NON-CRIMINAL

Mamita, and papa also were trying, PCSO (Police reports 2909 Gulf to Bay Blvd Apt B205, Clearwater FL 33759), to get to B and alienate her from the three people that meant the world to her.

They even got the authorities involved by spreading false allegations to tarnish B's good name and work the CPI (child protective investigator) against her and in Saul's favor. All reports show no criminal intent/ case solved because there was no crime just false allegations, so why should B be treated as if she is guilty when she is obviously an innocent victim? B has a clean record. This is not fair, she NEVER hurt her kids, or anyone else for that matter. So why are they not currently in her care?

Extended monologue for B's Preaching future self..... (Standing on a podium as an older woman speaking before a public assembly displaying their human rights and B is trying to motivate them through her words to not lose hope.)

"Well, I discovered that being honest and forthcoming with a CPI (Child Protective Investigator) is not within your best interest because they will twist your words around and use it against you quickly. It is called heresay, which I have learned is the legal term, when a lot of people start spewing shit about you to other people and they start believing it even when it is not true.

This begins to ruin people's  lives by making their security falter, and soon you begin to wonder....what has come of this world? Seriously, if they have been willing to make a legal term for it then it is obvious that human beings have learned to use this tactic quite commonly. Especially, during investigations when CPS (Child Protective Services) does not want to do their due diligence.

There are a lot of haters in this world that can't leave well enough alone. They are not content until they make you as miserable as them because misery loves company. Power and control play's a huge factor when lies and manipulation are concerned.

Narcissistic people thrive off of making other's feel weak, and love to suck the life out of vulnerable people and children. I know it is hard to hear the GOD's honest truth, but this is the devil's playground at times  that we are subjected to, but please my people choose not to give it power because we already know that our Lord Almighty reigns and has overcome him in the kingdom of Heaven. 

Many still don't believe. God will bless those who do. We just have to continue to have hope, faith, and speak our truth because we shall overcome someday and be reunited with our loved one's.

Please don't ever give up fighting for what you believe, or lose your will to survive. Our God given right is worth living for, so we can't check out when our children need us. Thou shall not kill, including thyself. Don't be afraid to rise above and speak the truth, trust that others will follow because LIFE is too short, so live it to the fullest. Eventually if you keep speaking your truth your children will hear it, and it will change history.

The parental civil rights movement will enlighten future generations to build a stronger foundation within this broken family infrastructure, and instill National Human Rights.

It WILL happen, one person, one moment, one day at a time, until it forms a ripple effect to prove that human lives matter. Children's lives matter. National Human Rights are here to stay and must be enforced by the people in all the nations. That is what we should be fighting for all across the board, starting in each state, and country.

Human Rights unions. That is something I would like to see my tax money go into. A real organization that defends the people against discrimination. Unions that will fight for us when our rights are being violated. Unions that can give power to the people against corrupt companies, departments, federal organizations, and judicial systems that is something I would personally devote my life to making happen.

I wish president Donald Trump would support these unions to back up the people so we can be proud to stand as Americans and set the barr. If America can accomplish this, then so can other countries. We have to support our own country first and foremost before we can even attempt to fix others. That's the bottom line.

Each country should be more focused on bringing justice amongst their people, rather than fighting and destroying. We should be working together and figuering out ways to help our planet thrive without destroying it. This should be our common goal.

The human mind CAN be capable of so much more, but all that history has proven time and time again is that humanity is more focused on destruction, than perseverance.

              - B'onnie

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Chapter 48- Tampa Bay Crash Course of Injustice... (1)

09/01/2009- Present Day

Keep reading for more current detail's of recent events for this is where the story becomes very twisted and unsettling.

You see human beings do not seem to operate the way they used to 20 years ago, a lot has changed. The laws have changed. We have changed as people in abiding in them, and the power's that be have lost their honor in upholding those laws, so many have taken it upon themselves now to rise above the law to protect themselves. While some, may use the law to bully innocents unlawfully knowing they can't afford to defend themselves, and even if they could many lawyer's would just take their barely earned money blowing over the whole case and not defending shit.

Justice has become an absurd joke, that's what I think about the law now. Sorry, but in my experience I have not seen it do anybody any justice thus far. Unfortunately, because I was wrongfully prosecuted myself and defenseless. I had to sit through many court proceedings. I think only two seemed fair and just, but in all honesty I feel it is the devil's advocates trap.

Thou shall not judge, only GOD. No one can tell ME otherwise. That's my take on it, you can think what you want.

I am a United States citizen, and a registered voter, born and raised in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, which is my national origin. I was residing in Pinellas County FL. for 8 years, and I am well aware that my civil rights have been violated since I have resided in Pinellas County due to my national origin, born up north, and my disability.

First, I have not been able to keep a job in Florida due to my disability, and the fact this is an at will state. No job I have had, and I have been terminated from 8 job's now, have been willing to make any accommodations for my learning disability or chronic health conditions.

The State of Florida has denied me disability and health insurance, basically forcing me to leave my kid's and the State to get my health care need's met. This has isolated me from the only two people that I once believed loved me still and caused me much emotional distress. My nuerologist claims due to this seperation and alienation brought on an increase of stress and seizure disorder that landed me in the Tampa General Hospital and $9,000 in Medical bill's.

I asked my nuerologist, "Is it a possibility that the seizures could be caused by excessive punches to the skull (Domestic Violence)?" My doctor claims,  that yes this most certainly can be what caused the concussion, seizure episodes, syncope, memory loss,  imbalance, and ringing in the ears. My other question was, "So say if someone just discovered all this about themselves after a seizure episode due to false accusations. Could she use in her defense that she was struggling with battered women syndrome and being treated for a seizure disorder as a result of domestic abuse?"

Bea told the doctor, "Listen Doc, I'm far from crazy. If I was able to attain an AA in Early Childhood Education and a BA in Social Science and Education and raise a baby in less than 8 year's with a gpa of 3.4. I think I have a high functional brain up there. It just got kind of screwed up after I married Saul. Things started to fall apart again, like it did at the beginning of our relationship. We hit another rough patch."

I should have known better. The pattern of alcohol and abuse doesn't end with the Sanchez's. Actually one thing for sure is it get's worse. I was becoming scared of where it was bound to escalate to next. Let me tell you. The worst was yet to come.

Even after I attained my two College degree's Saul loved to throw it in my face,
"See B, all that for what? You still can't get a good paying job."

It must have made him feel so high and mighty to make my accomplishments seem so weak and small. I hate to admit it but he was right. I couldn't attain a good paying job in my field due to my chronic health condition's.

I had another Grand Mal Seizure in the middle of the Steak N Shake Parking lot.
I fell down like a sack of potatoes off the side of my car. Hit the back of my head, fractured my right ankle, and bit my lip. My mom saw me convulsing for a few minute's and when I came to I had slight amnesia. Scary shit!

Another time I woke up and I could not move at all. I thought I was going to stay paralyzed forever and I started panicking, these Epileptic episodes alone have really messed with my head. It has taken some getting used to my new life without any support.

I really need a friend to take care of me, but there has not been any volunteers to come forward on my behalf. No one will even step up so I can visit with my kid's. Which allows me to believe that I have no one who loves me in the end.

I fear that I am going to end up one of those people sitting in a hospital bed who no one comes to visit, till I will wither away. That's MY reality now. I am vulnerable and scared out of my wits that someday I will all together forget who I am, and that I even have a family.

Maybe that would be good for me? Wipe out all the pain I endure on a daily basis over the loss of my loved one's abandoning me. I would much rather forget who I am then deal with the reality of what has become of me.

GOD please take away the pain. I wish to be numb.

I went before a judge in January 2015. He denied me disability knowing I had suffered a traumatic crisis. Since then I have suffered other head injuries and epileptic episodes.

I was advised by a Nueroligist in 2015 not to drive, even though it has been past six month's since my last episode I still stay off the road for now.

I really do think it is disgraceful that I do not get honored disability for if I did I would not be struggling so damn hard to survive in the situation I find myself in now. Maybe if I had, I would get ahead and feel like I belong instead of feeling like this world was not meant for a loving heart like mine.

Society has been chipping away at my heart bit by bit trying to turn me into freezing cold ice, but my tears continue to melt the ice away. The judge abstains from showing any emotion but if I spend one minute longer trying to suppress the longing, fear, agony, and pain I have been bottling up for the past 12 years I know I am liable to snap my humanity switch off and not give a fuck about anything anymore.

This blog is my outlet right now. I am praying that the truth will set us free. Free from the bond's we enslave ourselves in. The bond's of love, life, death, and humanity.

Friday, May 12, 2017

Part Three- Chapter 47- Family Conspiracy

06/15/2015

B was under the assumption that she had this under control.

She had her kid's, a home, a car, all she needed was a job and then they would be alright. B's mother suggested she come live with her, but B told her that she wanted to give it a shot on her own first. It was in June, and she wanted to give it till the end of the summer her best chance to get back up on her feet.

B would like her mom to know now, "I'm sorry mom if your resenting me now for making this choice. My intention was never to hurt you by it. My intention was only to grow from it."
now.

B started going to job interviews and putting out her resume. She posted it on career builder and went to Worknet. She walked into bars and filled out applications at businesses. One business in particular hired her and they wanted B to start the same day as her hearing with Missy which was June 26th. She had a choice to make, "do I go to the hearing and testify against Missy or start my new job?" She picked the new job. The reason why she tried to put a restraining order on Missy was because Missy was harrassing them and tried to throw a chair at B.

6/26/2015

That morning B woke up at 5am because She needed to be there at 8am and She didn't want to be late. She was excited to be starting a new job. It was for this telecommunications company called 24/7. This was a call center that took all the incoming calls for companys like Ulta, which was the one B worked for, Kraft, Netflix, Walmart, etc... Today was the first day of training. B was in the shower and getting dressed, it was now 6am and still no Saul. She decided to give him a call and leave a message, "Saul, I hope you are on your way. I am starting my new job today at 8am. I would like to be there at 7am. Please be here to come get the kids."

When 6:30 started to roll around she started to panic. So B brought her kid's over to Wren's house, the neighbor. Wren is the one who told B about the job opening. Wren would get a job bonus if B remained employed with the company after 30 days.

B asked Wren, "Would you mind watching my children so I am not late on my first day? Saul is supposed to be here any minute. I just can't deal with him today and I am already in hot water as it is with him, could you please help me?"

Thank Jesus Wren helped her out. B was successfully able to attain that job and paycheck for the next 5-6 weeks.

B's Narrative monologue

"Hey its better than no weeks. Let me tell you it was the most stressful 6 weeks of my life.

Filled with ups and downs of course. Some of the most happiest and most memorable moments with my two little boy's, mixed with the drama and hatred of my ex-husband. I never knew he would be so spiteful towards me. He always told me he would never hurt me like this, but he did in the worst way imaginable by keeping my precious children from me. I will never forget this for his actions and non actions concerning our family has cut me so deeply.

First, my ex-husband repeatedly cheated on me with two of my best friends. He is currently living with my children and his mistress's children that he was having an affair with. While we were still  married he has had a child out of wed lock! My ex has confused my children completely acting like this behavior is acceptable, and does not offer them an explanation or any professional counseling. He see's nothing wrong with the choices he has made.

Second, my ex husband made several false allegations to the judge saying I was mentally unstable when he knew the kids and I were disabled and never chose to acknowledge it.

Three, my ex husband has been physically abusive to us. He has targeted all of us by consistently assaulting us in the head on numerous occasions which in turn triggered my seizure disorder, loss of hearing, loss of sight, and loss of memory which I now have become currently disabled for the rest of my life and has prevented me from maintaing a steady job. Also, resulting in our oldest child having brain surgery at 11 years old, and my youngest being cognitively delayed since 2 year's of age.

He neglected to tell the Judge the truth that my son suffered from Encephalitis in pain for a month due to his abuse and medical negligence until the pain became so unbearable due to the swelling then does he rush my son to the hospital. Why did he not first take my son to see his primary a year ago to get his immunizations to avoid this? Why didn't he take him to his PCP or Nuerologist for a follow up? He had insurance then. His excuse now is that my son has no insurance. The Dr. told my son if he waited one more day he could have died. I had no clue until I saw a video on YouTube of my boy all alone in a hospital bed with his head cut open and apologizing. My poor baby needed me and he came close to dying and I was not even consulted or informed of his well being. This type of thing should be mandated and penalized in a court of law.

Four, my ex-husband was financially draining and suppressive. If I tried to work he would stop working. When I wouldn't work he would degrade me. I would utilize other organizations and resources to make ends meet.

Five my ex husband was emotionally draining, and he broke my spirit, and my heart into a million pieces, stomped on it, chewed on it, swallowed it, regurgitating it, spit on it, then spilled lighter fluid on it, and vaporized it.

Six, my ex husband completely alienated me from my children for almost three year's. That's exactly how he valued my love in my kid's lives, he estranged me from the children I gave birth to like I should be non-existent when in fact a mother's love means everything to a child. My ex-husband knows this for he is a mama's boy himself so what the hell is going on here? What's the twist? Does this man just need some serious mental help himself? Maybe he is a narcissus..... He always did say that his claim to fame was being diabolical.

Honestly, I don't even care about that man anymore, just that my children are still exposed to him at this moment.

I just want my kid's to know exactly how much I care for them. I wish they knew, but they don't, and it hurts that I can't tell them every day how much I adore them, or be able to look them in the eye and see if they are ok. It kills me inside as a mother, I feel so lost and disconnected from my loves.

That is the God honest truth. Some people are just user's and abusers. God has put me here to be a martyr and example to all these families that are currently suffering due to wrongful prosecution. The morality and ethics that are being overlooked and dismissed has brought upon injustices within the family infrastructure. I will write and document my story to the world in hopes that people may know how vindictive people like my X are getting away with alienating loving parents like B from their children.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Chapter 46- Happy Birthday B!

06/13/2015



I can't say I didn't try to get a hold of Primo for weeks because I did,  but at some point I lost hope.

I gave up and said to myself if it is meant to be, and he is really my twin flame then it will be. He will somehow find his way back to me.

Another soul mate was catching my attention through Facebook just in the nick of time. It was destiny. An old friend from grade school. You know the one? The boy that was always getting sent to the principles office. I was always too shy to approach him back then. Do you believe that? Me? Shy?

His name was Zane and he hit me up right before my birthday for a date and I was relieved that I didn't have to spend it alone like I was going to.

I had a job interview which turned out good and I started to get ready for my date. I wasn't really sure how I should dress, but it was Florida so I could get away with something hot. I put on some high heeled strappy shoes and brought my flip flops just in case. I wore my pink halter top with my black sailor pants. Threw my hair up in a french twist and applied some makeup just in time for the bell to ring.

Who to my wondering eyes should appear, but somebody I haven't seen in over 20 years.

He had his shades on, and he was tall, dirty blonde. He was wearing boots with jeans and t- shirt. Still cute like I recall. I welcomed him in my home and offered him a drink. Zane declined and we exited. We decided to go to first night in downtown St. Pete. On the first Friday night of every month St. Petersburg shuts traffic down around the blocks where all the clubs are at so customer's can party safely.

As I stepped into my driveway I saw what Zane arrived in, but none other than a Harley Davidson.  Wow! No friggin way! This is my ultimate dream come true. Sportin a Hot ride, to a Hot spot, with a Hot guy, on my fucking Birthday, how fucking cool is this? Pinch me because I know I got to be fucking dreaming.

I just want to say thank you Zane from the bottom of my heart for making one of my dreams come true and I only wish I could have made one of those dreams a reality for you too, from the bottom of my heart it's true. Just between the two of us. We will always have this night to remember.

Like I said that night was a dream, from the two of us arriving at Applebee's and getting our picture snapped by random stranger's. To you opening the door and treating me like a lady the whole night, and catering to grabbing my shoes when I could no longer sport my heels. You were a complete gentlemen that night, and I am glad I met you Zane.

Thank you for coming into my life just in the nick of time, because I believed you may have saved it.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Chapter 45- Pat the truth is....

06/11/2015

Saul and I discussed that it was time he moved out, for us living together was becoming way too awkward. It was not working out for the two of us. He moved into his parents apartment. We both agreed to sit down and tell the truth to Pat once he got home from school.

We all sat around the dining room table and had a discussion with Pat. "Listen, son first of all we want you to know that none of this is any of your fault and that you have done nothing wrong. Daddy and mommy are still your parents who love you, but we are just not going to be living together anymore." B said to Pat, "I'm sorry baby this is all our fault and has absolutely nothing to do with you or your brother we believe it is best for now until we figure out what really makes us happy. So your dad is moving over to Papa and Abuela's place for awhile." Pat responded, "No! I don't want him to."

Saul said, "There is something else you must know also we need to do a test. It won't hurt. Just a piece of your hair or saliva to check your DNA. There is a possibility that you may not be my son. Uncle Primo may be your dad." Pat said, "Uncle Primo!" "Yeah!" B said.

Omg finally the truth be told, but still almost two-three years lator and do we have the paternity test result's? NO!
The proof is in the pudding?
Who is the baby's daddy?
Inquiring minds wanna know.
Well, at least the mother and son want to know. Obviously the father's are too scared or they would have given up their specimens a decade ago. I could just see the look of disappointment in Pat's face knowing that I had kept this secret from him his whole life, but when is a good time to tell a child the truth about who his real father is? He was now nine years old and it was complicated enough as it was for the three of us without including Pat. Now he was in the loop and it was only fair that we get results, which still remains to be seen because I have been completely alienated from my children at this time. I don't know if Pat even know's the truth or not, but I do know the truth because I know who I made love to and when son.

All I know in my heart is that I loved my Pat more than anything in this world he is the sweetest most sensitive boy really. He tried everything to keep his father and I together. He wrote a letter and gave it to me pretending it was written by Saul in Pat's handwriting apologizing to me so we wouldn't fight anymore. I felt horrible breaking up with Saul like I was letting my son down. Which was the biggest reason why I put up with the relationship for so long. I couldn't understand it either because Saul would treat Pat awful, but Pat still loved him.

06/15/15
One night Saul brought Jr and Pat home he was all drunk (DUI) and upset because Papa and him got into a fight, because papa hit Jr. off the head with the remote control. Now this is the third or fourth traumatic head injury that we know about that has happened within the last two year's. God only knows if there has been more let's pray for his sake not.:( I'm a very worried mommy right now. 😞 sick.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Chapter 44- Inspirational Creativity (just scroll all the way down to read. Editing is being a bitch)



Bea became inspired to write again and to create lyrics. She had the urge to branch out and collaborate with other musicians to blend these lyrics with others music. Bea started blending her lyrics over other musician's tracks on soundcloud and discovered her creative collaborative expression and this felt liberating. 

Bea then began to question herself. Whatever happened to my dream of becoming a singer?


Bea prayed about it and GOD answered her by calling her back in and showing me that it is never too late. Bea realized then that what she needed was to move forward and embrace her gift to transcend a very important message that needed to be heard. 


Lyrics and melody's started coming out of nowhere. She would be in the shower and a song would come to her. She had to jump out of the shower and write it down before she forgot it, until Bea realized that she could use her voice recorder to catch the lyrics. It was like she was encompassing a spiritual awakening, and she desired to share it with the world. How? Was the question.  


Bea started branching out and meeting other musicians in the community. One gentleman, Clyde, she met on first Friday in St. Petersburg. He was already becoming a prominent musician there. Bea decided to call him and get together to see if she still had the spark to perform.


She first set out on her journey to a hot spot called Mad Hatters Ethnobotanical Tea Bar, which was the first kava and karaton bar she had ever encountered. That place has an amazing staff and very inviting atmosphere. She got a hooka and found the expertise of the staff helpful and highly recommend for anyone first trying kava. They made it a very chill experience. 


As she sat enjoying the ambiance and the hooka that was purchased, a young gentleman approached her. I don't recall his name, but he shared with her his gift of musical expression as well, and Bea asked him if he wanted to perform with her tonight. He agreed and we learned a song by Deelite, Grove Is In The Heart.


She sent a text message to Clyde... 


B: What club you at again?


Clyde: Heading to ringside right now, 2nd and central.


Bea told her friend and they both jumped on the scooter and headed downtown. They both sat at the bar and Bea shot Clyde another text.


B: I'm here now


Clyde : Where are you? Haha..I'm sitting out front, didn't see you inside. I guess text me when you're really there lol...


Bea  looked around and didn't see him.  Bea thought to herself.... is this a joke? Well I will step outside and scope it out. 


Bea didn't see Clyde and sent him another text.


B: Im outside. Where r you?


Finally Clyde walked into the bar and Bea reconnected with him. He told me her his band was not able to play the song she selected and Bea kind of felt bad that she had dragged this boy here to help her sing it. 


Then Clyde pulled her over to the side and asked her; "What is he doing here?" She told him; "Well he is going to sing the song with me." Clyde retorted, "You don't want to be hanging around that kind of riff raff it will present a bad image." I respected his opinion, but it did sound kind of prejudice of him.


Bea stepped on his stage and sang Me And Bobby McGee by Janis Joplin and then Clyde asked her if she can sing anything else. Bea rambled off a bunch of other songs she knew and he picked a song by George Michael, Faith. 


Bea felt very comfortable and in her element on that stage. It finally seemed as if she found her calling. The only question now was, who is going to be my band? Clyde had already developed his own band so in actuality he was  Bea's competition and after hearing her sing I believe he began to realize that as well, but he did give Bea some pertinent advice. Clyde told Bea, "B, you need to take the time to get to know your own sound and music. Put on your headphones and play it over and over until you feel what your singing, and believe the message your willing to portray."


After Bea left the ringside and drove my friend back home Bea kept thinking about the advice Clyde gave her  and she acknowledged his theory to be genuine and true. That is exactly what Bea did and she followed up with a text message to thank him.


B: Hey Clyde, I just wanted to say Thank you very much for inviting me to your gig last night. Not many musicians allow that especially lead singers in bands. I really appreciate it, I do. I really needed an outlet and it felt awesome. I feel like my old self again. I should start working on some creative songs of my own. Anytime you make an appearance please text me and I'll try to make It.             Thanks again                     B


Bea's experience was very genuine. Her creative music venture blossomed from there


Bea was so inspired and feeling all her emotions intensely. All her happiness, sadness excitement, triump, courage, and strength. She had a vision of her old dreams submerging to the surface. 


Bea became inspired to write again and to create lyrics. She had the urge to branch out and collaborate with other musicians to blend these lyrics with others music. Bea started blending her lyrics over other musician's tracks on soundcloud and discovered her creative collaborative expression and this felt liberating. 

Bea then began to question herself. Whatever happened to my dream of becoming a singer?


Bea prayed about it and GOD answered her by calling her back in and showing me that it is never too late. Bea realized then that what she needed was to move forward and embrace her gift to transcend a very important message that needed to be heard. 


Lyrics and melody's started coming out of nowhere. She would be in the shower and a song would come to her. She had to jump out of the shower and write it down before she forgot it, until Bea realized that she could use her voice recorder to catch the lyrics. It was like she was encompassing a spiritual awakening, and she desired to share it with the world. How? Was the question.  


Bea started branching out and meeting other musicians in the community. One gentleman, Clyde, she met on first Friday in St. Petersburg. He was already becoming a prominent musician there. Bea decided to call him and get together to see if she still had the spark to perform.


She first set out on her journey to a hot spot called Mad Hatters Ethnobotanical Tea Bar, which was the first kava and karaton bar she had ever encountered. That place has an amazing staff and very inviting atmosphere. She got a hooka and found the expertise of the staff helpful and highly recommend for anyone first trying kava. They made it a very chill experience. 


As she sat enjoying the ambiance and the hooka that was purchased, a young gentleman approached her. I don't recall his name, but he shared with her his gift of musical expression as well, and Bea asked him if he wanted to perform with her tonight. He agreed and we learned a song by Deelite, Grove Is In The Heart.


She sent a text message to Clyde... 


B: What club you at again?


Clyde: Heading to ringside right now, 2nd and central.


Bea told her friend and they both jumped on the scooter and headed downtown. They both sat at the bar and Bea shot Clyde another text.


B: I'm here now


Clyde : Where are you? Haha..I'm sitting out front, didn't see you inside. I guess text me when you're really there lol...


Bea  looked around and didn't see him.  Bea thought to herself.... is this a joke? Well I will step outside and scope it out. 


Bea didn't see Clyde and sent him another text.


B: Im outside. Where r you?


Finally Clyde walked into the bar and Bea reconnected with him. He told me her his band was not able to play the song she selected and Bea kind of felt bad that she had dragged this boy here to help her sing it. 


Then Clyde pulled her over to the side and asked her; "What is he doing here?" She told him; "Well he is going to sing the song with me." Clyde retorted, "You don't want to be hanging around that kind of riff raff it will present a bad image." I respected his opinion, but it did sound kind of prejudice of him.


Bea stepped on his stage and sang Me And Bobby McGee by Janis Joplin and then Clyde asked her if she can sing anything else. Bea rambled off a bunch of other songs she knew and he picked a song by George Michael, Faith. 


Bea felt very comfortable and in her element on that stage. It finally seemed as if she found her calling. The only question now was, who is going to be my band? Clyde had already developed his own band so in actuality he was  Bea's competition and after hearing her sing I believe he began to realize that as well, but he did give Bea some pertinent advice. Clyde told Bea, "B, you need to take the time to get to know your own sound and music. Put on your headphones and play it over and over until you feel what your singing, and believe the message your willing to portray."


After Bea left the ringside and drove my friend back home Bea kept thinking about the advice Clyde gave her  and she acknowledged his theory to be genuine and true. That is exactly what Bea did and she followed up with a text message to thank him.


B: Hey Clyde, I just wanted to say Thank you very much for inviting me to your gig last night. Not many musicians allow that especially lead singers in bands. I really appreciate it, I do. I really needed an outlet and it felt awesome. I feel like my old self again. I should start working on some creative songs of my own. Anytime you make an appearance please text me and I'll try to make It.             Thanks again                     B


Bea's experience was very genuine. Her creative music venture blossomed from there

Thursday, April 27, 2017

DREAM (REVOLUTION Lyrics) by B' onnie

July 2015


DREAM - by, B' onnie

This is my dream
and I'm going to go for it.
With or without you.
Your not holding me back.
I had enough of that crap.
I wish I could fly
And touch the clouds in the sky.

(Dream)

Be calm and be true
And you can make it through
All those hurdles and bumps
Turn to yourself
Don't look to nobody else
It's one of those things
We all have to go through
To find out what makes you
You.

(Dream)



Chapter 43- Still pleading for his love.

06/04/2015
Text messages to B from Saul.

B: I'm driving

Saul: r u coming home?

B: of course.....I know you have to work. Don't worry about me I'm fine.
I just need to process everything we just talked about.
I'm sorry.
Try to get some sleep.
Nowhere and everywhere.
I'm just riding.
ditto

Saul: Cant sleep just thinking about you cant help it, sorry that i luv u.
can u plz answer the phone.

B: just let me be. I don't hate you.

(When I finally got home Saul and I had a heart to heart. I think he thought I was going to change my mind about our breakup. I told him that I didn't mind us staying friends and if he wanted to go to downtown St. Pete for first night we could go out as friends. He agreed to it.)

06/05/2015

Text messages from B to Primo......

B: Good morning sunshine. Do you want to go to the beach with me and the kids?
Babycakes! You are the cutest little babycakes.....you are the cutest little baby face I've seen on Earth. BABY CAKES.
I want them all to myself.
LOL!!!!

(I recalled what Primo said to me last night and it played over again and again, but I just didn't want to give up because I know in my heart he really did love me. I began to make a list of Pro's and con's to really get to the bottom of whether pursuing this relationship would be a good thing for me or not. I am aware how love can make someone blind, and I really needed to be genuine with Primo. So I started rationalizing and drawing up a list as well as texting it to Primo throughout the day and on my outing downtown that night with Saul. I was kind of hoping that Saul would get the hint that I was not there with him. In the meantime I wanted to convince Primo to be with me instead.)

Text messages to Primo from B........

B: Pro- I have a magic pussy and from here on out it belongs to you and only you. You hear me bicho?

B: Con- I don't give it up that easily, especially when I am upset about something other than sex. When I am mad about not being on the receiving end then u better look out for mad, heated, passionate love making, which Saul and I never had in 10 years.
Do you believe that?
In a whole decade I have never had unpredictable heated sex with your brother EVER!
It's a sign.

B: We are going to party it up tonight down to 1st night St. Petersburg.
Friday night doggy dog.
Getting jiggy wit it.
Why don't you come with us?
I can prove my loyalty to you.
I'm loving being single for now till you tell me otherwise.
la loo.

B: PRO- You don't have to ever worry about no baby mama drama. I would never press charges or put u back in jail. I love you too much to hurt you.

B: CON- I can never have any children ever again. My tubes were burned so it would be a miracle. That can b a pro for u 2.

B: PRO- we can fullfill all our dreams and fantasies together and have the greatest times of our lives and be really happy. Just the two of us.

B: CON- I have to find a babysitter at times.
PRO- I was thinking of taking a vacation soon, hopefully with you and me alone. Someplace adventurous and exotic. I am overdo for one the last time I went anywhere was 9 yrs ago. Too long.

B: We are here. Donde esta punta? Jammin down to hardcore house music. I'm chilling by the dj taken a break. The streets are totally packed. I told Saul we are only here as friends.

B: PRO- I am good especially when I feel my man is taking care of my needs.

B: CON- The way I keep my house reflects my moods. So if I am a mess, you can count on my house being a mess.
A good home maker. Not as good as Mamita of course, but at least I try.

06/06/2015

B: PRO- I 'll baby you immensly and I will never stop.

CON- Just because I baby you doesn't mean I am going to allow you to boss me around all the time. I am always going to be my own woman. Won't have it any way, but very flexible especially if you ask me very sweetly in exchange for a kiss.

B: any other way....I love kissing your lips.

B: PRO- I can fullfill every desire sexually even let u stick it up the pooper but you have to take it slow.

B: CON- I really don't care for anal sex but ONLY for you I'll try anything once ok maybe twice that's IF you can get me in the mood. I love it when your in control:)

B: PRO- I have fair credit so all I have to do is establish I have enough income coming in and then I can get a $200,000 loan for a brand new home just for us and the kids. Imagine us walking around naked on the weekend when the kids are with their dad. I'll make you anything you want to eat while I serve you in some sexy outfit with high heels on. I can wash and massage your feet with lotion while you sit back relax and smoke a blunt.

B: CON- Don't expect this shit everyday. I refuse to show any PDA in front of the fams it makes everyone uncomfortable. I aim to be respectful always especially in front our parents. But behind closed door's, it's on!

B: Your brother just got a text that New needs to talk to u ok Baby cakes I got your back.

Primo: What?

B: Saul said it was one of  your friends. He called  pretending to b you. We r leaving downtown now. Where you been baby? I missed you today.

(It was nice to know that I had his attention. He must be contemplating everything I am saying and I have to be making him horny right about now, I know what my loverboy need's. I certainly aim to please:)

B: PR0: I can help you be a better man if you let me my luv. Help you with transportation, food, love, your kids, ( I am actually wearing a pair of Micah's socks right now. I am surprised they even fit me. I love her like my own.) Remember when we took Her and Pat to the ice rink and she was skating.. That was a special moment. I am glad I was able to share it with you. Watching you skate was so fascinating!!!

CON- We would have to  explain to the kids at some point that we were together, but I am sure they would get over it once they saw how happy we made eachother. I would like to someday do the honorable thing and not sneak around the ones we love whenever we are ready or sure of what will or may become.

B: PRO- Your family already knows and loves me.

CON- They may have a hard time trusting us. They already don't trust you so the only difference is that YOU don't have to be the black sheep solo. Once they see the change in our ways I think they will be appreciative of our union.

B: PRO- I will make you feel like the king you are and you will feel like a better Man. I know I can make a difference in your life, I am pretty sure I already have in some ways although you may not want to give me any credit. That's ok cuz I know I have. I am very perceptive when it comes to you. I always have been.

CON- l know you find me annoying. But this is my final attempt to plead my case. At least I am far from boring. Never a dull moment.

B: PRO- I want to shut your brother UP once and for all. He always thinks he is so much better than you. Always talkin shit about you to me. I hate that cuz it is so two faced. When your present he is all kind to you. As soon he gets behind  your back he's ranting about your misfortunes.

CON- I would never do you dirty like that. If I have a problem with you I will tell you straight, no lies. It's really no body else's business what you do. So you don't have to worry. I am a woman of my word. Remember how I told you I would give you the Mustang someday, well it is yours if you're with me. I am going to try and convince you to get your license first before letting you drive it but I know that is not gonna happen.

B: PRO- I will always let you be your own man. I have no intentions of changing you. I love you just the way you are. I have learned to accept the way you are. Honestly I know you have the desire to do bigger and better things. So do I and I know you would support me  and I will always support you too. Your #1 fan. We ride together , we shall die together, silver back gorilla baby.

CON- My crazy cheering might get on your nerves every now and again. As long as you let me in on what your doing. I'll try to support you anyway I can 110%.
You know I am capable of it.

B: CON- I know I am a little overweight, but I have been working on it.

PRO- I've been running, doing crunches, yoga,.eating less, yoga, pillates, kick boxing, swiming, dancing. I would like to try working out at the MMA gym with you. Maybe introduce me to some people, become a fighter. If you keep turning me down like this I might actually get enough determination to knock the living daylights outta someone. I'M  pretty open, the possibilities are endless with me. All I know is I am down for whatever.

CON- I may eventually get so ripped I might be able to kick your ass even. Yeah right. You'll probably kick me in my gum again make me bleed. Hey I gotta learn to defend myself someday.

B: PRO- I love animals so yes you can have a dog. I suggest getting a Siberian Husky. I love them.

CON: Don't expect me to take care of it though. You want it then you need to be responsible for it. I will be responsible for my cat then and the kids of course will probably help.

B: PRO- I will make you soup when your sick and put bandages on your boo boos, a cold cloth on your head, get your medication with your water, even wipe your ass if you're incapable, and tuck you into bed.

CON: I refuse to break the law for you. I have a clean record and I don't need any problems. Keep that diabolical nonsense away from me, our home, and the kids. We are your safety net so if you decide you want to fuck me over you must realize your only setting yourself up for failure. The choices you make effect all of us. For instance say your on a boat and you put a rip in it, well the natural consequences is that your bound to set yourself back and your gonna lose time, money, and patience. You don't really want that do you? I think we have already lost enough time as it is and I truly don't wish to lose not even one more second with you.

It's funny....this whole time I've been dancing, smoking, drinking, mingling, and singing I still would rather just be cuddling up in bed with you instead. I am surprised I was able to write this novel. Since you entered into my life you have inspired me to get my creative juices flowing. I feel alive again. It's been a very long time since I felt this way. I think I lost myself when I was with your brother. I had an epiphany one day because my therapist encouraged me to go for it and tell you how I really felt and now I feel so liberated. I'm happier than I have ever been. You helped me see the light and I hope I can do the same for you darling. I just hope I haven't missed out on my opportunity to really have my chance by your side. If there ever was a chance GOD please let it be now. Allow me into your little shell of a head you crab.

B: Ok well I guess I am going to lay on my couch and pass the fuck out. I hope you're staying out of trouble. Buenos noches papi. Te amo mi amore.

Lator that morning....

B: Hello?

B: Fuck I still can't sleep.....too much shit in my head. This would be so much easier if you just hear me out. Instead of writing to you constantly and getting no response. Perhaps I can teach you something about the English language and you can show me the sign language alphabet and Spanish.

B: All I know is that Saul doesn't want to let me go, and can you blame him? NO! Every time I try to shake him he finds a way to push himself back into my life. Yeah, we have been very disloyal and untrusting with eachother. Which, as you can see, has destroyed any love I had for him.
I don't want that distrust between us.
I need you to trust that I will be loyal to you.
Can you forgive me and move past all the stupid bullshit and start loving me?
I just need your love boo.

B: In our past we would have never worked because you would have never taken the time to get to really know me. Now it's been a whole decade and you have always been honest with me, respectful, loyal, and kind. I VALUE YOUR OPINION. I know you have been testing me. I can't seem to understand why if I'm dead to you. I made a huge sacrifice for you 3 weeks ago I was married and now I am legally seperated if that doesn't give you the green light I don't know what else. I need you to take care of me and keep me close to you safe and warm. I hate the thought of being without you. I don't think I'll be able to sleep peacefully until I am nestled on your chest.

Primo: yo what u doing?

B: I am putting everything out there for you,
so you can decide if you really want what I am offering you,
and only you.
Yoooooooo whooo still there?
I got those cigarettes.
please don't block me I really need you now. I need my smoking buddy. I promise I won't touch you.
fine I guess I 'll smoke them all myself. Since you don't want to share.
Babycakes!
watchya doin?
I miss you.
I still can't sleep. I am going to get a tele. Wanna join?
I need some sleep......I need to cuddle. honey.

Primo: where u at?

B: chillun

Primo: where?

B: about to pass the fuck out on my girl friends couch.

Primo: ok

B: Where are you boo?

Primo: just got home

B: in for the night baby.

Primo: k

B: Or do you wanna chill with me?

Primo: if u up

B: I can braid your hair.

Primo: where u at?

B: Why you wanna know where I am? I thought you didn't care about me?

Primo: U right

B: Excuse me Mr. Primo Coronado Sanchez.

Primo: What u doing?

B: Why you wanna see me Primo?

Primo: I justring to see what u doing
where u at

B: I wanna do you.

Primo: k

B: I'm hiding out at my friends house in Largo.

Primo: ok...........so

B: ok meaning ok lets go?

Primo: sure

B: meet me at the pool fool.

Primo: k

B: call me from papas phone.

Primo: k

I was really at my girlfriends boyfriend's house trying to crash on his couch. I was trying to avoid being around Saul so he starts to get the picture. I was reluctant to leave because it was already pretty late and my friend said that if I leave I couldn't come knocking later. So I understood that I was losing my bed for the night and taking a risk for a booty call, but for me it was worth it. So I hoped on my scooter and headed to Primo.

B: Is your brother with you?

Primo: No...where u at?

B: why haven't you called me yet sucka?

Primo: fu

B: where are you?
I'm at the pool staring up at the stars.
Primo you have to come see this sky is so beautiful.
Baby cakes, you are the cutest little babyface I've ever seen on Earth.
..............................................................
I waited at the pool which seemed like forever. I was praying that he had a change of heart for me. Finally he was coming to his senses. When I got to his parents apartment I knocked on the door very lightly...no answer....he must have fallen asleep. .. I knocked a little harder. I could hear him coughing and thought awww my poor baby must be sick. I walked away and thought of something I could do to take care of him and make him feel better.

06/07/2015

B: I waited for you all night. That made me really sad Primo. I sat on the ground in front of your door again and you wouldn't let me in. Not nice!
Please don't do that to me again. Are you sick my love? Please let me take care of you. I got you a little care package because I know your not feeling well. In there you will find some chicken soup, some cigarettes but not much cuz I was chain smoking last btw all your fault, there's also a script I take sometimes for stomach relief. It's called Omeprazole this will help coat your stomach and keep you from having acid reflux. See although I don't have a pot to piss in I will always find a way to take care of you and I am praying that you will take good care of me too, soon. Oh yeah I got you crackers for the soup.

B: I am going out to get a new job today so I can get you more nice things.

B: I love you papi and I am going to prove to you just how much.

B: Te amo mi amor

I went to his place again and seeing that he wasn't home I threw the bag up on top of his balcony.

B: Did you get my care package baby? Did you notice the other day when I said baby both you and Saul responded? That's when I realized that you loved me. We have been doing this crazy dance for a whole decade. I am tired of pretending babycakes. Your going to have to man up and admit it to yourself.

B: Be a man and own it! Stop being a little pussy......I love You and I plan on taking very good care of us and the kids.

06/08/2015

B: I miss you papito.
I wish we could go for a Ride...makeout where ever you wanna go.
you so sexy primo yo te queiro.
I miss your babyface with your sweet dimples mi amor.
your crazy ways and style.. I even like your little temper tantrums.
my pet. I want to hold you boo.
I 'm luv sick. Ease my sorry heart. I miss you so.
Hasta manana muy Papi.

06/09/2015

B: Good morning papito.
I finally got some sleep it's been almost 5 days since I've gotten more than 3 hours of sleep.
I still can't eat. I wish you would feed me. Be with me boo. I know this relationship seems impossible but in time all this hype will die down and we can lay low for awhile. I am looking into saving more money for our dream house. I have a little over $1000. I assume a couple more thousand and we will be good to go.
let me know what I can do to hold you in my arms. Please I want you in my life sweetie.

B: I know your hurting honey, I am hurting too. We don't have to. Just come clean, you will be so glad you did. We have been harboring this guilt for years. It is coming out now because it's time to allow ourselves to be able to make one another  happy. I am not listening to them it's not their call to make. It's ours. Feel ashamed a little and speak from the heart. That's what I did with Saul and they'll understand someday that we were destined to be if they haven't noticed already which I am pretty sure they have. When our eyes meet and the way we blush.

B: Saul was the man between us, not the other way around. You just got beat to the punch. your only downfall right now is your cowardice pussy way your being. You could have had me from hello, but you didn't ever assure me that you wanted me. I'll leave you alone if that's what you want. Is that what you really want? I am going to see my family soon. I would love to bring you with us. My mom is worried about me. I have a few places we can stay. I'm going for the 4th. I hope you come. We'll be back by August.

B: Don't be sad papito. I don't like to see you like this. Let me in and I'll kiss that heart of yours and make it all better. We have an opportunity for a fresh start together. The only thing holding you back, is YOU. Your family will forgive you they always do, you need to put your foot down and fight for me now if you want there to be an us. Carpe Diem, which means seize the day. Don't be afraid and don't delay, nothing can seize you, and no one will please you the way I will honey, be the man I know you could be.

B: Show some confidence that well overcome all this and be together. I know you got it in you. Please, no more police, no more drama, just be real and it's not your fault the heart wants what it wants no matter how crazy it sounds you should never fight it. Just embrace it cuz your luck is changing and I am waiting for you at the finish line. I'll help you lick your wounds and be faithful to you and only you.
Well I proved my love to you as much as I could. This is your last chance to make things right in our lives. Maybe I have too much faith in you and I am being overly optimistic, but I can't help loving you.

B: Please don't keep me in the dark let me in and tell me how your feeling. I am a great listener. I need this in order to move on. I am staying at Hogans this weekend. I would like it if you join me so we can work this out.

B: Just have faith my love.

B: Baby cakes, How long had it been since you made love? It seems like an eternity. Please lets not waste anymore time. I'm waiting eagerly for you, sweet dreams. If you have a chance to sneak out and steal the key to the scooter and visit me tonight.. Its my scooter. I have the title right here in my name so your safe babe. I'm wicked horny.

B: Pretty please with whip cream on top and a cherry. I have ice cream and a nice comfy bed with NetFlix and smokes. I'm been craving you for five months and I am about to burst honey.

B: Missy is out for the night. The kids are asleep and I am all by my lonesome and I want you so bad that my naa naa is clenching with fire. I am going to rock your world babycakes. I am preparing the naa naa to your eating. I wish you were here instead of there.

B: I want you so bad it hurts.
just come tapping on my window. Maybe pull a Christina.
LOL!

B: Oh shit, Missy is home in her room.

B: I'm watching a movie. Have you ever seen The Bible?

B: She just told me that her uncle passed away and she is taking a trip to Atlanta. House will be my oyster soon. Don't believe everything you hear from Saul. He is talking out of his ass.
Although the both of them are liars and fibbers.

B: Just come papi.

B: Park the scooter down the street and walk through the backyard gate. Come through the back, but b super quite so the bitch doesn't hear you. She suspect's something because I'm wearing something sexy to bed.
you will definitely likey. I hope you come soon cuz I am about to fall asleep. I don't care just wake me. I am going to take a power nap.
...........................................................
I did take a nap and when I woke up no sign of Primo.

B: I'm missing you.
Another lonesome night without my boo to cuddle up to.
Sweet dreams Jellybeans.

B: I wish you felt the same way about me that I feel for you. It is a shame that we may never be together. I guess I must have been wrong about you. I am sure there must be some gorgeous creature out there for me. I was just hoping it was you.

B: Dueces mi amore.

When I woke up that morning I was surprised to see a sign. There was a beautiful fresh flower laying on the dining room table. I asked Missy if she put it there and she had not. It had to of been Primo. What did he come in and watch me sleep and not woken me up?
I thought ok..... He must b shy. I will give him another chance. Since I know that fresh flowers are usually his signature trademark.

B: The back door is unlocked. I'm waiting.

No sign of him. I was beginning to feel a little hopeless. My birthday was right around the corner and I was dreading being alone.