Chapter 54- Family Conspiracy - Third Month

August 2015

B: "This is where things tend to get very complicated so you have to pay attention. Now I am about to put you in my shoes. Imagine yourself a single mother being harassed by your mother-in-law, brother-in-law, father-in-law, roomate, and husband who didn't even bother to introduce the paramour. No, she just pops in to introduce herself to top the icing on the cake. This is how I found out he was back with her and she was taking care of my kid's."

B had already lost her job and she texted Saul so she could get the scooter to find a way to getting to another job. Of course Saul had to make it impossible.

8/4/2015
Text messages to Saul from B.......

Saul: The scooter is out of commission and it is raining.

B: I'll take it into Tropical Scooters. We still have warranty on it.

Saul: It is going to rain all week.

B: We should take care of it while the warranty is still in place and I need wheels.

Saul: I will take it myself on Saturday. Can you answer? I am trying to call you. My mom is going to pick up the kid's tomorrow. If you keep it up you will keep the kid's and I won't pick them up. Then you are going to lose your job, and you will have to get daycare. You don't appreciate shit that I do.

B: What is your problem? I was on a very important phone call with Pat and Jr's insurance company. I am trying to set up their Dr. appointments. The bike has a flat tire, and I was trying to help get it fixed so we can have it for another year. Since your being a dick why don't you have custody. I will join the Navy, get deployed, and die. Cuz as I see it you have no idea as how to respect other's, not the other way around so don't get it twisted....... The world doesn't always have to revolve around Saul. I am not a dick like you, who cuts people off, and doesn't answer their calls just to be a asshole. I made you some Portuguese soup just for you, to show my appreciation. I thought you would be grateful. Your mom wouldn't have had to watch the kid's at all if you ever set aside the time to sit down and discuss with me at ANY time what we were going to do with our kids, and discuss with me option's for childcare. No, instead you decided to make those decision's without me, and cut me out of my children's lives completely.  No, you chose rather to commit adultery and have someone else raise my kid's, instead of their own mother. Now you bust your ass, and hurt your ankle. Serves you right for being a two timing son of a bitch.

Saul: I just want you to get into a fucking accident. Believe it or not I care what happens to so don't Fuck with me. Fuck off. (This message was shown to Judge Pierce sixth judicial district court FL. who denied me an injunction for protection on 9/3/15)

08/05/2015

Saul: My mom will pick up the kid's at 2pm have them ready. So you don't want Missy to drop off the kid's? Are you talking about my mom? She don't want to worry about looking at your nasty grill? She could care less about you.

08/06/2015

On this night B went out of her way to get the scooter back. If she had known all the animosity it was going to cause she would have left well enough alone. She had learned of  Saul's attempt to move on with Emma. Of course it hurt. It always does when someone's man chooses another woman over their wife. B just didn't think that it would cost them everything they had worked so hard for over the past 11 years. She rolled up with Missy to Saul's place to scope out the truth about this scooter and where her kid's were staying. B saw a few things indicating that she was in the right place, such as the kid's and Saul's belongings. Then she saw the scooter. Saul wasn't lying about it being out of commission because it wouldn't start. B couldn't believe that Saul was being truthful for once.

The neighbor across the street started questioning her at one o' clock in the morning.

Neighbor: "What are you doing?"

B said:  "This is my scooter I am taking it home."

The neighbor says:  "Oh no its not."

B said, "Saul is my husband, I am Mrs. Sanchez."

Then the man stole the key out of the ignition and runs off with it.

B pushed the scooter over to Missy telling her what had just occurred. Then the man started walking back towards her shirtless with two other hoodlums and B panicked and told Missy, "Push the scooter with the car, Just Do It!" Missy was just as scared and obeyed. They both just wanted to get to a safe place. Luckily, the scooter coasted and there was nobody else on the road that night.

For a minute B felt liberated just coasting along and would have probably made it all the way home if they didn't get pulled over by the police, who insisted that B call Saul to get the whole story. Sure enough Saul made an appearance with Emma who confirmed that the title of the scooter was in B's name and that it belonged to her.

As B watched the two of them walking away holding hands it all of a sudden hit her. She thought, (He left me for that piece of trash. Sure didn't take him long. Maybe this must have been his plan all along. Really didn't see it coming.)

B's little juvenile move cost her a $200 ticket and a $60 tow. She thought,

(At least I had a few more months with my scooter Lance Armstrong, though. It was worth the trip. I am almost positive that Saul aimed to destroy me whether I took that damn scooter or not because now he had Emma to teach him how to work around the court system and allow the set up to begin.)

08/07/2015

Saul: I'm including the house key, the black key to the safe, the other small key is for the lock on the fence, and the key to the scooter. I'm including Missy cuz she got herself involved by pushing the scooter the other night. I'm taking the boys to a water park.

B: Can I see my boys please?

Saul: I will bring the kid's in 15 min, but you better be home.

Saul: On my way with the kid's.

B really didn't know what Saul's deal was because she was always home for her kid's. He was acting like a complete ass on text, but when he would show up at the house he would be all sweet and sincere. It was really confusing her. He kept on trying to grope her and be sexual. She would push him away and blow him off.

Text message to B from Emma.

Emma: Hi Bea. It's Emma
I just wanted to contact you because I've been through a divorce & I know what you are both going thru. I don't know you so I'm not forming an opinion of you. Always 3 sides to every story, But I hope you & Saul can be civil & adults because now it's only about those 2 wonderful boys. I'm doing what I can to make him understand what's right here, And I'm not, & never will try to take your place with the boys, but I do care about them & love them.

B: last time I checked a marriage only takes two to Tango. Not one, two, and three his Mistress. Do you really? Did you have another woman split up your marriage too, and kidnapp your kid's and make them call her their mommy? Did she refuse  to let your kids or husband talk to you? That is exactly what you did to me you manipulative two faced heffa. I sure would love it if that karma would start falling off right about now and onto you. Thanks to you ruining my family not a day goes by that I don't wake up or go to sleep with tears in my eyes. Good luck with that because you are going to need it.

08/08/2015

Saul: I will be picking up the kid's after just waiting for the rain to calm down. We have a flood watch up this way.

Then an hour lator B got this message which clarifies the above message was just a diversion so he can file an injunction for protection and threaten B with it. Although B had to be into work at 3pm so Missy agreed to watch the boys till Saul arrived so B wouldn't be late. Found out after work later that Missy went into her phone and erased some of Saul's messages he had sent to B. Saul wanted to make it appear as if B was being uncooperative and aggressive, but the bitch didn't realize B had CM Backup on her phone.  So, their little sham backfired. They made several failed attempts, but B was a do gooder, she very rarely broke any laws so they were definitely reaching. At this point B figuered out that they were all conspiring against her, and she was on her own.

B received this text from Saul at 3:17pm.

Saul: If you don't give me the kids now I will be calling the cops.

B: Missy has them stupid.

Saul: listen, cops are to pick you up at work for not wanting to give me the kid's, now it is war. I love how you say you have dirt on me, let's get down with the James, cuz you are not taking the kid's to MASS, over my dead body, u r stuck in Florida. Whatever dirt you think you have show it, cuz I ain't going to let you take the kid's that easily, there are laws. You think you are smart, I will see you in court August 20 at 9am. Your own mother and kid's want nothing to do with you cuz you don't want to be a mother to them. I will be their mom and along with Emma, cuz you are mentally distorded. By the way, you are in for a rude awakening. I told you I will do everything in my power to follow you. You think you can get away with things? Keep it up, and I will press charges against you for tresspassing at my home at 2:30 in the morning cuz I got witnesses. Then you will know what going to jail is about. Even the cop asked me to press charges against you and I said NO.
I LOVE IT HOW JR. CALLS EMMA MOMMY, CUZ SHE IS MORE OF A MOTHER TO THEM THAN YOU WILL EVER BE FOR PAT AND JR, LOL. (This is the furthest from the truth because I was an awesome mom. Just ask my kid's, that's if they even remember me:()

B prayed: "Please GOD let this man who once cared see past his evil ways to love and stop the pain in our lives. Yes, I know I am not an angel, but I am trying to overcome all that I have endured and suffered. Just help me please, help me be whole again. help me be strong for my babies, cuz they need me and I need them. I promise I won't let you down again Lord. I will do your work. I will spread your love and word to those in need, I will honor and respect your commandments, just don't allow this man to hurt us no more. If there was justice in this world let it be now. For I am a good person, a loving mother, who has devoted my whole life to caring for others, but in my darkest hour who's there for me? I don't see them. I don't hear them calling, but I feel a presence so I know I'm not alone entirely. It would be nice if I could feel an embrace or something. I just need a sign."

B: I am just begging you to let this go......don't you think you hurt the kids and I enough with the bullshit head games? I'm over it. Just let us be happy for once. I'm tired of fighting and trying to prove my love to your family. My kids are tired of being tossed around they need their mother and I need them. I hate seeing them like this. Their dressed like orphans, no clothes or nice shoes. Their things all in shambles. They need routine, consistency, medical care and therapy. You don't care about them do you? All u have ever cared about is hurting me. This is not war anymore, this is our lives. It's not about money or support anymore. This is about them. Their happiness and being loved. Do you really think they feel that way when they hear you angrily talking shit about me? That is why I needed to leave you, my kids shouldn't have to feel that kind of hatred and tension no more. Already I am feeling the relief of you being somebody else's headache. My poor kids are still dealing with it. This is just not right. They deserve to be loved, not constantly rediculed. To know that the people in their lives care about them and love them. You go around telling them I don't love them. HOW DARE YOU. I would never feed their heads with such bullshit. That hurts them and turns them into assholes like you. C'mon Saul just stop with the hurting. Are you really that heartless?...I know your not. I know you will do what is right in the end. I have more to offer in the end and you know it. If only you would grow up and see it. We really don't need to make this an ugly battle.

Saul: You R right I want to be civil as well. Yes, I dont want to hurt you or them, I always tell the kids that their mommy loves them very much. We can squash this now between us, you can have your kids everyday, but we need to find Jr. day care,  cuz your work hours are crazy. Yes, i will do things right. You know I m not a cold hearted bastard.

B: Anything you gotta talk about you can do it through a text. I don't need you flaunting your mistress around me and the kids. Ok...plz drop the boyz off Tuesday and that's that.

Saul: OK

Text message from Emma to B........

B: Just so you know that a marriage is between two people bitch not three. That two timing asshole is still my husband, and ur still his bitch. So no I don't have to incude u in shit, especially when he has been trying to fuck me behind ur back stupid Ho. Karma is a bitch, and ur gonna learn the hard way. Saul will always be a lying, two timing, abusive, alcoholic, he will use and abuse u just like he did me and our kids. Cuz Saul don't know how to love nobody but his alcohol. His family, they will never accept u or ur kids. Like I said before, Good Luck with that.

Emma: If he's so horrible then why did you stay with him for so long?

B: I was in love with Primo and my baby needed his father. As u can see Saul was only man enough to step up to the plate, and although he knew about us, I think it may have been a trap to get even with the three of us.

Emma: Why be with him if ur in love with his brother?
Who's kids are they really?
Saul or Primo's?
I can't believe u have the nerve to call me a whore when I've done absolutely nothing, but u were the one fucking his brother.
Maybe if you would of ended things sooner you would of had the common sense to stop everything like the hell you are saying you went through. Not after 11 years you low life prostitue. At least I know who my kids father is, unlike you cheap whore fucking with his nasty brother. Have class, if you know what that is. lol.

B: You should talk bitch. Your the one sleeping with a married man STILL, and u have fucken known about it from the start or no, maybe the pregnancy test was anothers mans kid? People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
Your most definitely a Ho and sleeping with the biggest HO of them all. Why do you think I tossed you my leftover? Because I was getting afraid of what I might catch. Good luck with the herpes, mersa, and GOD knows what else. Your even more ignorant then I thought. You all deserve each other. My kids deserve a better life than the one you think you can give them. They need to be around family who love them, and a house they can grow up in, and care that only I can provide. The only reason why I've been allowing Saul to see them is because I made a promise to him 11 years ago as a friend that I would never keep him away from them and I kept that promise.

08/11/2015

Saul: On my way with boys, have door unlocked, so they can come in.

This morning B was having second thoughts about making peace with Saul for the sake of the kids. When he came into the house she asked him if they could sit down and talk. Saul had to go to work and he kept avoiding the conversation. Later that day B's car broke down and she called Saul for an assist.

Emma: Thanks you piece of shit. Just proved you can't take care of yourself or your kids And he's fucking driving MY CAR to rescue YOU! Remember that next time you call me his fucking mistress.

This night B finally touched base. She told Saul about losing her job, how everything was chaotic, how she was not doing well, and she started crying on his shoulder. She did the lean in on the kiss, and they just fell into place with eachother.

B asked, "What about Emma?Do you love her?"

Saul said, "I care about her, but I love you. Your my girl, and this is my pussy."

B told Saul, "No she is your girl and I am your wife."

Saul ripped B's pants off and went down on B. It was over before it even started, it never did take Saul long. B had tears in her eyes the whole time. It even confused Jr. because when he saw them together he instantly ran over to them shouting "mommy, daddy, mommy, daddy" which confused him forever more.

Then Saul said, "I don't know why I did that?"

B said, "I miss my family."

Saul said, "What is done is done, there is no going back."

Honestly at that moment B felt more violated than being raped. Not only was her life completely shattered and tarnished, but she lost all dignity or love that she ever held for that man in that single moment. He fucked with her head so hard. It made everything inside her wanna crawl out of her skin. B was confused to the point she couldn't even speak English so she began sneaking about texting Saul in Spanish, which lasted like a whole 3 hour's.  Saul caught on and at first it was fun, but she couldn't hold back for long. She had to let the cat out of the bag, but she didn't know who she was letting it out to...Saul or Emma.

Saul: Did Isaiah make it home?

B: Si

Saul: Ok thanks.

Saul: What

B: Bien o No bien?

Saul: Trevor's I thought you said he is staying over there?

Saul: What?

B: :)

Saul: I m going to sleep good night.

B: Buenos Noches

Saul: Bye

B: Bien?

Saul: yup

B: thank you babe.

Saul: plz stop

B: Then why did you marry me? I miss my family...I can't help the way I feel.

Saul: My mistake for marrying you.
Happy with Emma.

08/12/2015

B: My mistake too. I guess I don't get 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th chances like I gave you? Do you know why I did that? I guess Jr. won't have mommy daddy no more. There never was respect to begin with. You never loved me, did you? I miss my family so much, and I see it falling apart. I never wanted this.... I just wanted to be loved, for my children to feel loved by their family. I never wanted someone else raising my kids. It hurts.... my heart can't take this. I've been feeling this pain for years ever since you slept with her and dismissed me altogether. We came Florida to make a home with our family, and then you gave up on me. What kind of person does that? I was looking back on all the moments we shared, and I think our happiest times were here in Florida. I thought we were good. I was looking at the messages in my old phone. Back from march 2014, we were looking at houses with Craig. Were you seeing her then? Cuz you were staying out late a lot. You said you were hanging out with work buddies. I mean really, how long was this going on for? I think I deserve the truth for once. I told you the truth... thats if u can tell the truth ever. NEVERmind I know where I stand in your heart. I gave you everything. This is how you repay me? I payed your debt instead of mine, and you put us in even more debt. As long as I am with you I will never flourish, and neither will our kids. Sure I have mixed emotions, you are still my husband..I thought we had dreams, and I saw you tried, but us was never enough for you. I guess u needed more than what I could give you, but I was and still am doing right at this moment by myself. As long as you have my  kid's in your care I will never be out of your life, so remember that the next time you try to move on with your life. For this relationship u think u have is toxic because of the way it started. Just like it is coming to me right now. It will come to u 3X fold. Don't come begging when shit starts to fall apart cuz I am not taking u back this time. I'm heading in a better direction. My luck is about to change I can feel it. Thanks for the encouragement yesterday, I needed that. I just forgot that I used to love you. ok. I'm sorry.

Saul: Thanks
No i was not sleeping with her then. I lied to her, she had no idea we were together & when you called, she wouldn't talk to me. Now GOD has given me a second chance with her, and she's everything any man could ever want. I love her, and want to be with her forever. If you can't understand that then that's your problem. Leave it alone. We have kids together, but that's ALL
No more calling or texting b.s.
No, i never loved you,
Just stayed around for the kids. I want a divorce so i can marry Emma.
I will drop off Jr. tomorrow morning and pick up the boys on Saturday.

08/13/2015

Saul: When do you want Jr. tonight or in the morning? I'm not trying to control you just trying to find out when you want him back, if not I will drop him off Friday morning. That's all.

B: According to this text you said what you were going to do. So follow through this time. Don't play games and call the cops like I said u couldn't come see ur kids. You can see your kids anytime. I just don't want them around her. Primo, Emma, and you are the one's keeping u from ur kids. Not me. Wake up.
Bring me my baby.

Saul: I will drop him off tonight and I will pick them up on Saturday. Too bad if they are with me she will be around them, not you're choice dont make things hard or we will go to court you cannot keep the kids away from me. Dont play again.

B: I got served your papers today so I guess we are going to court now and the truth will come out, GOD and justice will finally prevail, and everyone will know who the Sanchez's really are and she will never be one.

Saul: Better yet you will get Jr. in the morning I'm not going to go back and forth. Unless you want him today have Missy pick him up. Ok you asked for it. You really want to go to court? I can still drop the case. We can fix it between us, or we will see each other in court.

B: See what I mean, never been a man of your word. Always switching shit around to fuck with my head. You will never change your ways. So predictable.

Saul: Everyone will know what Bea Audette is all about, and you will stop being a Sanchez,  you spit in our last name by your actions. I guess you don't want to be civil. You want to go to court I will see you in court. Now I will ask for full custody since you can't even keep a job. What makes you think you can handle both kids due to your mental state?
Well you are trying to tell me what to do. All I want is to be civil you really want to go to court? I dont.

B: You are the one who took my heart, bit it, chewed it, and spit on your kids name and now you want to do the same with this witch? What's her deal? Why are you rushing into this trap with her? What is she trying to prove?

Saul: If I'm rushing into things is not your freakin problem. Stop trying to claim lost territory. Your piss off because Primo doesn't want anything to do with you, nobody is trying to prove anything. Trap? You are trapping yourself cuz nobody wants anything to do with you. You and your pshyco way, like stalking my brother, that's why you are by yourself. You hurt me by telling me that you have loved me. You don't even know who the hell you love.

Emma: I'm only going to say this once, Stop harassing Saul and me, he wants ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU except be there for the boys.
We are happy and starting a life together.
Divorce papers will be coming your way very shortly.

B: Well I ain't signing them so I guess your going to be stuck being his mistress.

Emma: You don't have a choice. When they are filed you have so many days to respond or it goes into default.

B: How many days will that be little miss know it all?

Emma: Been through a divorce so I know exactly what I'm talking about.
You will have 20 days.
Florida is a no fault divorce state. They do shared parenting.

B: Well see about that, and how much is that going to cost u? Cause I know he ain't gonna pay for it.

Emma: Yes he will.
He's already going to put a restraining order on you
Want a harassment charge also?
Want DCF to come pay you a visit?
Grow up! It's over between Saul & you.

B: Well ok, if it's over then why did he cum in me the other night and licked my pussy and tell me I'm still his girl??? I told him I'm not his girl, but his wife and he let me know that I still have a golden pussy. How does it feel now bitch? Once a cheat always a cheat.
GOLDEN!!!

Emma: I don't believe you.
Prove it

08/13/2015
Text message from B to Saul....

B: I really don't want any of this, but your HO is fucking shit up as usual. She called DCF on me, now the cops just left and saw the food in the fridge. The kids clean clothes I bought them for school, hung up nice and neat, and toys, and storage bins of our belongings.
Please bring me my baby.
Your not mine. You were never mine. You made that abundantly clear.

Saul: You get your baby tomorrow morning.

B: Do you want me dead? Is that why you are doing this? You know how to push those buttons. That's the only thing I can think of as to why your both doing this to me.

Saul: You are right I'm not yours, I'm EMMA'S NOW AND FOREVER. Send Missy to get him. He is at my mothers.

B: Good she can have u and all the shit u stand for. Which is nothing to me.

Saul: No, I Don't wish.
I been asking you to be civil, but don't listen. Plz grow at least for the children. I don't wish for u to be dead, I m begging you to plz stop this nonsense.

B: How am I supposed to move on when all you do is fuck with my head, and make everything in my life a power struggle. I'm tired Saul. I need a clean slate. I'm not going to get ahead at this rate. It hurts me too much to see us fall apart. It just doesn't feel right.
Ok I'll stop .......I'll leave you all alone. I'm out.

Saul: You do what you got to.
You take the kids out of state you will be in big trouble, especially now since you've been served.

Then not even a hour lator B is getting harrassed by the other one. Tag teaming action, and like a fool B played right into it. Instead of spending her last precious moments with her kid's.

B: "I am such an idiot. Son your mommy is stupid. I fell for daddies lies, and married the wrong man. I really hope he is not your biological father so you and I can both be Audette's together someday. That's why I gave you my name. I should have gave your brother my name too, but at the time I truly believed we were going to all be a happy family forever. Which probably justifies your father's reasoning for me being distorted, but a mother can dream of the best for her children. I am just sorry that I couldn't make that dream come true for you. Hopefully in the near future I can set the barr higher and have all of us living a lot better."

Emma- When you have proof you can show me. You're just a lying whore trying to cause problems.

B: Look who is talking? Said the mistress to his wife. Lol. I am entitled.
The proof is written all over his face although he will deny it. That's what he does best. Why didn't you smell his dick the other night isn't that why u kept calling when he was fucking me cuz deep inside you know the truth. Has he bought you a ring? He may never. Don't be surprised if he pawns it.

Emma: First of all whore I NEVER called him that night
He was calling me because he knew I was upset.
Again, you have no proof so grow up.
And we're talking about having a baby.
If there is a next time then get proof not words cause your words don't mean shit to me.
He's already asked me to have a baby and go off the pill.
No ring yet
Doesn't have to be one
Marriage is a piece of paper
True love is in the heart & soul.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe I'm just a fool.
If he does want you & something happens then I want proof
You're not dumb
Forward me texts
Take pics or video

Emma 2:23 am: Going to call the cops right now

PINELLAS COUNTY SHERIFF'S OFFICE
Case Master Report SO15-347237
Date Initiated 08/14/2015

Upon arrival I was unable to locate the female subject. I made contact with the complainant, Saul Sanchez, who advised that his
ex-wife, Bea Sachez, had been banging on his front door and yelling for him to give her their child. She did not enter the residence or cause any damage to Saul’s property. He requested the incident be documented.
I contacted Bea via telephone. She advised that she was at home and was asleep next to her child prior to my phone call. She stated she is not able to drive and denied going to
Saul’s residence.

Disposition: Case Closed; Solved NonCriminal


08/14/2015

Saul: On my way with Jr.

B: Why did I get a phone call from the police at 2:45 am?

Saul: Cuz someone thought you came by my house  again. Some girl was fighting out at 2:30 in the morning with her boy, and the neighbors taught it was you. They asked me if it was you, and I told the cops I did not see you, but it could of been you cuz she was saying give me my fucking kid. Don't worry about it, you are clear. I did not see who it was, but I heard a female banging and screaming, give me my fucking kid.
I will be picking up the boys around 10Am tomorrow, plz have them ready, taking them to a pool party.

B: Ok, well I was asleep at home lying next to Isaiah. I haven't left the house all week, thanks to your so called girlfriend, I missed my job interview because a DCF investigator is claiming that someone said I don't feed and take care of my kids. Isaiah talked to the guy too. I took a drug test too, and I passed by the way, so you can let the judge know how your wasting the taxpayers money by making false accusations and targeting me like this, for I am a good mother. I am just feeling a little abandoned at the moment. The trash just piles up, and so does the b.s. from you. You know it's been a struggle and all you can do is fuck me. What a great husband...wow!

B: BTW What is Emma the next Nicole Hilton? She is going to have u locked up and put away in no time. Guarantee she'll have ur ass deported in less than a year. I don't know Saul I would think twice if I were you. Just coming from a friend's perspective. You can do what you want, but I wouldn't b trying to have no babies. Just sayin. Seems kinda weird.

Emma: Saul just told me that he's going to make his divorce fast & he wants to marry me & have a baby
Haha whore bitch

08/15/2015

B: Honestly Saul, I was talking with Pat today and I asked him how he would feel if daddy married Emma and had a baby with her? He told me  "terrible" and Jr. is freaking out every time someone walks out the door. This is really a lot for the kids to handle right now. Maybe we should all slow down, put aside our differences, take a step back, and see how our actions are affecting them. Is this absolutely necessary? All these actions are they for the kids sake or for our own selfish reasons?
Look what Emma just texted me...

Emma: Saul just told me that he's going to make his divorce fast & he wants to marry me & have a baby
Haha whore bitch

She is playing us like fiddles, She is the one who is crazy, can't you see that? and Saul I'm sorry, but this is not the type of woman I want around my kids. Jesus, mary, mother of GOD and Escepulous alike can this man not see through his evil ways? Why is he still tryin to traumatize and hurt my children and me, please put yourself in their shoes? If your mother kicked ur father out, and not even a month later after living with her for a few weeks, was saying he was going to marry another woman while he was still married to your mom. I think that would really fucking piss you off. I mean I don't really care, I'm just really worried about how this is affecting Pat. Then he comes to find out that his father may not be his father. This must be really fucking with his head. I'm sorry, but I can't do this to Pat. I love him way too much. If you loved that boy at all you would STOP all this shit right now. You don't see me moving in with anybody and bringing all this baby mama drama around them. C'mon Saul, this is not cool.

Maybe u should b focusing on the kids in the here and now before you start making more. Besides I thought you said you were done after Liam. That means you won't be out of the clear until ur 60! That's pretty stupid....



To conclude this chapter we shall let all the evidence speak for itself so you can draw the most obvious conclusions. I did spellcheck a little and clarified the message here/there so it was clear. All of the texts and report's are genuine. You don't have to be a detective to put two and two together. Of course, after B showed Judge Pierce and Child Protective Investigator Mark Meridith these messages they were then referred to as irrelevant. Looking at the timeline and the form of conspiracy and harrassment being displayed, B was testifying to these text messages as being downright conclusive. B still has them there in her phone on her LG backup bitches! Now it is on the internet for all the world to see.... How dirty and corrupt motherfuckers can be.

JUST DOING MY BEST TO KEEPING IT REAL.

Chapter 46- Happy Birthday B!

06/13/2015

I can't say I didn't try to get a hold of Primo for weeks because I did,  but at some point I lost hope.

I gave up and said to myself if it is meant to be, and he is really my twin flame then it will be. He will somehow find his way back to me.

Another soul mate was catching my attention through Facebook just in the nick of time. It was destiny. An old friend from grade school. You know the one? The boy that was always getting sent to the principles office. I was always too shy to approach him back then. Do you believe that? Me? Shy?

His name was Zane and he hit me up right before my birthday for a date and I was relieved that I didn't have to spend it alone like I was going to.

I had a job interview which turned out good and I started to get ready for my date. I wasn't really sure how I should dress, but it was Florida so I could get away with something hot. I put on some high heeled strappy shoes and brought my flip flops just in case. I wore my pink halter top with my black sailor pants. Threw my hair up in a french twist and applied some makeup just in time for the bell to ring.

Who to my wondering eyes should appear, but somebody I haven't seen in over 20 years.

He had his shades on, and he was tall, dirty blonde. He was wearing boots with jeans and t- shirt. Still cute like I recall. I welcomed him in my home and offered him a drink. Zane declined and we exited. We decided to go to first night in downtown St. Pete. On the first Friday night of every month St. Petersburg shuts traffic down around the blocks where all the clubs are at so customer's can party safely.

As I stepped into my driveway I saw what Zane arrived in, but none other than a Harley Davidson.  Wow! No friggin way! This is my ultimate dream come true. Sportin a Hot ride, to a Hot spot, with a Hot guy, on my fucking Birthday, how fucking cool is this? Pinch me because I know I got to be fucking dreaming.

I just want to say thank you Zane from the bottom of my heart for making one of my dreams come true and I only wish I could have made one of those dreams a reality for you too, from the bottom of my heart it's true. Just between the two of us. We will always have this night to remember.

Like I said that night was a dream, from the two of us arriving at Applebee's and getting our picture snapped by random stranger's. To you opening the door and treating me like a lady the whole night, and catering to grabbing my shoes when I could no longer sport my heels. You were a complete gentlemen that night, and I am glad I met you Zane.

Thank you for coming into my life just in the nick of time, because I believed you may have saved it.

Chapter 43- Still pleading for his love.

06/04/2015
Text messages to B from Saul.

B: I'm driving

Saul: r u coming home?

B: of course.....I know you have to work. Don't worry about me I'm fine.
I just need to process everything we just talked about.
I'm sorry.
Try to get some sleep.
Nowhere and everywhere.
I'm just riding.
ditto

Saul: Cant sleep just thinking about you cant help it, sorry that i luv u.
can u plz answer the phone.

B: just let me be. I don't hate you.

(When I finally got home Saul and I had a heart to heart. I think he thought I was going to change my mind about our breakup. I told him that I didn't mind us staying friends and if he wanted to go to downtown St. Pete for first night we could go out as friends. He agreed to it.)

06/05/2015

Text messages from B to Primo......

B: Good morning sunshine. Do you want to go to the beach with me and the kids?
Babycakes! You are the cutest little babycakes.....you are the cutest little baby face I've seen on Earth. BABY CAKES.
I want them all to myself.
LOL!!!!

(I recalled what Primo said to me last night and it played over again and again, but I just didn't want to give up because I know in my heart he really did love me. I began to make a list of Pro's and con's to really get to the bottom of whether pursuing this relationship would be a good thing for me or not. I am aware how love can make someone blind, and I really needed to be genuine with Primo. So I started rationalizing and drawing up a list as well as texting it to Primo throughout the day and on my outing downtown that night with Saul. I was kind of hoping that Saul would get the hint that I was not there with him. In the meantime I wanted to convince Primo to be with me instead.)

Text messages to Primo from B........

B: Pro- I have a magic pussy and from here on out it belongs to you and only you. You hear me bicho?

B: Con- I don't give it up that easily, especially when I am upset about something other than sex. When I am mad about not being on the receiving end then u better look out for mad, heated, passionate love making, which Saul and I never had in 10 years.
Do you believe that?
In a whole decade I have never had unpredictable heated sex with your brother EVER!
It's a sign.

B: We are going to party it up tonight down to 1st night St. Petersburg.
Friday night doggy dog.
Getting jiggy wit it.
Why don't you come with us?
I can prove my loyalty to you.
I'm loving being single for now till you tell me otherwise.
la loo.

B: PRO- You don't have to ever worry about no baby mama drama. I would never press charges or put u back in jail. I love you too much to hurt you.

B: CON- I can never have any children ever again. My tubes were burned so it would be a miracle. That can b a pro for u 2.

B: PRO- we can fullfill all our dreams and fantasies together and have the greatest times of our lives and be really happy. Just the two of us.

B: CON- I have to find a babysitter at times.
PRO- I was thinking of taking a vacation soon, hopefully with you and me alone. Someplace adventurous and exotic. I am overdo for one the last time I went anywhere was 9 yrs ago. Too long.

B: We are here. Donde esta punta? Jammin down to hardcore house music. I'm chilling by the dj taken a break. The streets are totally packed. I told Saul we are only here as friends.

B: PRO- I am good especially when I feel my man is taking care of my needs.

B: CON- The way I keep my house reflects my moods. So if I am a mess, you can count on my house being a mess.
A good home maker. Not as good as Mamita of course, but at least I try.

06/06/2015

B: PRO- I 'll baby you immensly and I will never stop.

CON- Just because I baby you doesn't mean I am going to allow you to boss me around all the time. I am always going to be my own woman. Won't have it any way, but very flexible especially if you ask me very sweetly in exchange for a kiss.

B: any other way....I love kissing your lips.

B: PRO- I can fullfill every desire sexually even let u stick it up the pooper but you have to take it slow.

B: CON- I really don't care for anal sex but ONLY for you I'll try anything once ok maybe twice that's IF you can get me in the mood. I love it when your in control:)

B: PRO- I have fair credit so all I have to do is establish I have enough income coming in and then I can get a $200,000 loan for a brand new home just for us and the kids. Imagine us walking around naked on the weekend when the kids are with their dad. I'll make you anything you want to eat while I serve you in some sexy outfit with high heels on. I can wash and massage your feet with lotion while you sit back relax and smoke a blunt.

B: CON- Don't expect this shit everyday. I refuse to show any PDA in front of the fams it makes everyone uncomfortable. I aim to be respectful always especially in front our parents. But behind closed door's, it's on!

B: Your brother just got a text that New needs to talk to u ok Baby cakes I got your back.

Primo: What?

B: Saul said it was one of  your friends. He called  pretending to b you. We r leaving downtown now. Where you been baby? I missed you today.

(It was nice to know that I had his attention. He must be contemplating everything I am saying and I have to be making him horny right about now, I know what my loverboy need's. I certainly aim to please:)

B: PR0: I can help you be a better man if you let me my luv. Help you with transportation, food, love, your kids, ( I am actually wearing a pair of Micah's socks right now. I am surprised they even fit me. I love her like my own.) Remember when we took Her and Pat to the ice rink and she was skating.. That was a special moment. I am glad I was able to share it with you. Watching you skate was so fascinating!!!

CON- We would have to  explain to the kids at some point that we were together, but I am sure they would get over it once they saw how happy we made eachother. I would like to someday do the honorable thing and not sneak around the ones we love whenever we are ready or sure of what will or may become.

B: PRO- Your family already knows and loves me.

CON- They may have a hard time trusting us. They already don't trust you so the only difference is that YOU don't have to be the black sheep solo. Once they see the change in our ways I think they will be appreciative of our union.

B: PRO- I will make you feel like the king you are and you will feel like a better Man. I know I can make a difference in your life, I am pretty sure I already have in some ways although you may not want to give me any credit. That's ok cuz I know I have. I am very perceptive when it comes to you. I always have been.

CON- l know you find me annoying. But this is my final attempt to plead my case. At least I am far from boring. Never a dull moment.

B: PRO- I want to shut your brother UP once and for all. He always thinks he is so much better than you. Always talkin shit about you to me. I hate that cuz it is so two faced. When your present he is all kind to you. As soon he gets behind  your back he's ranting about your misfortunes.

CON- I would never do you dirty like that. If I have a problem with you I will tell you straight, no lies. It's really no body else's business what you do. So you don't have to worry. I am a woman of my word. Remember how I told you I would give you the Mustang someday, well it is yours if you're with me. I am going to try and convince you to get your license first before letting you drive it but I know that is not gonna happen.

B: PRO- I will always let you be your own man. I have no intentions of changing you. I love you just the way you are. I have learned to accept the way you are. Honestly I know you have the desire to do bigger and better things. So do I and I know you would support me  and I will always support you too. Your #1 fan. We ride together , we shall die together, silver back gorilla baby.

CON- My crazy cheering might get on your nerves every now and again. As long as you let me in on what your doing. I'll try to support you anyway I can 110%.
You know I am capable of it.

B: CON- I know I am a little overweight, but I have been working on it.

PRO- I've been running, doing crunches, yoga,.eating less, yoga, pillates, kick boxing, swiming, dancing. I would like to try working out at the MMA gym with you. Maybe introduce me to some people, become a fighter. If you keep turning me down like this I might actually get enough determination to knock the living daylights outta someone. I'M  pretty open, the possibilities are endless with me. All I know is I am down for whatever.

CON- I may eventually get so ripped I might be able to kick your ass even. Yeah right. You'll probably kick me in my gum again make me bleed. Hey I gotta learn to defend myself someday.

B: PRO- I love animals so yes you can have a dog. I suggest getting a Siberian Husky. I love them.

CON: Don't expect me to take care of it though. You want it then you need to be responsible for it. I will be responsible for my cat then and the kids of course will probably help.

B: PRO- I will make you soup when your sick and put bandages on your boo boos, a cold cloth on your head, get your medication with your water, even wipe your ass if you're incapable, and tuck you into bed.

CON: I refuse to break the law for you. I have a clean record and I don't need any problems. Keep that diabolical nonsense away from me, our home, and the kids. We are your safety net so if you decide you want to fuck me over you must realize your only setting yourself up for failure. The choices you make effect all of us. For instance say your on a boat and you put a rip in it, well the natural consequences is that your bound to set yourself back and your gonna lose time, money, and patience. You don't really want that do you? I think we have already lost enough time as it is and I truly don't wish to lose not even one more second with you.

It's funny....this whole time I've been dancing, smoking, drinking, mingling, and singing I still would rather just be cuddling up in bed with you instead. I am surprised I was able to write this novel. Since you entered into my life you have inspired me to get my creative juices flowing. I feel alive again. It's been a very long time since I felt this way. I think I lost myself when I was with your brother. I had an epiphany one day because my therapist encouraged me to go for it and tell you how I really felt and now I feel so liberated. I'm happier than I have ever been. You helped me see the light and I hope I can do the same for you darling. I just hope I haven't missed out on my opportunity to really have my chance by your side. If there ever was a chance GOD please let it be now. Allow me into your little shell of a head you crab.

B: Ok well I guess I am going to lay on my couch and pass the fuck out. I hope you're staying out of trouble. Buenos noches papi. Te amo mi amore.

Lator that morning....

B: Hello?

B: Fuck I still can't sleep.....too much shit in my head. This would be so much easier if you just hear me out. Instead of writing to you constantly and getting no response. Perhaps I can teach you something about the English language and you can show me the sign language alphabet and Spanish.

B: All I know is that Saul doesn't want to let me go, and can you blame him? NO! Every time I try to shake him he finds a way to push himself back into my life. Yeah, we have been very disloyal and untrusting with eachother. Which, as you can see, has destroyed any love I had for him.
I don't want that distrust between us.
I need you to trust that I will be loyal to you.
Can you forgive me and move past all the stupid bullshit and start loving me?
I just need your love boo.

B: In our past we would have never worked because you would have never taken the time to get to really know me. Now it's been a whole decade and you have always been honest with me, respectful, loyal, and kind. I VALUE YOUR OPINION. I know you have been testing me. I can't seem to understand why if I'm dead to you. I made a huge sacrifice for you 3 weeks ago I was married and now I am legally seperated if that doesn't give you the green light I don't know what else. I need you to take care of me and keep me close to you safe and warm. I hate the thought of being without you. I don't think I'll be able to sleep peacefully until I am nestled on your chest.

Primo: yo what u doing?

B: I am putting everything out there for you,
so you can decide if you really want what I am offering you,
and only you.
Yoooooooo whooo still there?
I got those cigarettes.
please don't block me I really need you now. I need my smoking buddy. I promise I won't touch you.
fine I guess I 'll smoke them all myself. Since you don't want to share.
Babycakes!
watchya doin?
I miss you.
I still can't sleep. I am going to get a tele. Wanna join?
I need some sleep......I need to cuddle. honey.

Primo: where u at?

B: chillun

Primo: where?

B: about to pass the fuck out on my girl friends couch.

Primo: ok

B: Where are you boo?

Primo: just got home

B: in for the night baby.

Primo: k

B: Or do you wanna chill with me?

Primo: if u up

B: I can braid your hair.

Primo: where u at?

B: Why you wanna know where I am? I thought you didn't care about me?

Primo: U right

B: Excuse me Mr. Primo Coronado Sanchez.

Primo: What u doing?

B: Why you wanna see me Primo?

Primo: I justring to see what u doing
where u at

B: I wanna do you.

Primo: k

B: I'm hiding out at my friends house in Largo.

Primo: ok...........so

B: ok meaning ok lets go?

Primo: sure

B: meet me at the pool fool.

Primo: k

B: call me from papas phone.

Primo: k

I was really at my girlfriends boyfriend's house trying to crash on his couch. I was trying to avoid being around Saul so he starts to get the picture. I was reluctant to leave because it was already pretty late and my friend said that if I leave I couldn't come knocking later. So I understood that I was losing my bed for the night and taking a risk for a booty call, but for me it was worth it. So I hoped on my scooter and headed to Primo.

B: Is your brother with you?

Primo: No...where u at?

B: why haven't you called me yet sucka?

Primo: fu

B: where are you?
I'm at the pool staring up at the stars.
Primo you have to come see this sky is so beautiful.
Baby cakes, you are the cutest little babyface I've ever seen on Earth.
..............................................................
I waited at the pool which seemed like forever. I was praying that he had a change of heart for me. Finally he was coming to his senses. When I got to his parents apartment I knocked on the door very lightly...no answer....he must have fallen asleep. .. I knocked a little harder. I could hear him coughing and thought awww my poor baby must be sick. I walked away and thought of something I could do to take care of him and make him feel better.

06/07/2015

B: I waited for you all night. That made me really sad Primo. I sat on the ground in front of your door again and you wouldn't let me in. Not nice!
Please don't do that to me again. Are you sick my love? Please let me take care of you. I got you a little care package because I know your not feeling well. In there you will find some chicken soup, some cigarettes but not much cuz I was chain smoking last btw all your fault, there's also a script I take sometimes for stomach relief. It's called Omeprazole this will help coat your stomach and keep you from having acid reflux. See although I don't have a pot to piss in I will always find a way to take care of you and I am praying that you will take good care of me too, soon. Oh yeah I got you crackers for the soup.

B: I am going out to get a new job today so I can get you more nice things.

B: I love you papi and I am going to prove to you just how much.

B: Te amo mi amor

I went to his place again and seeing that he wasn't home I threw the bag up on top of his balcony.

B: Did you get my care package baby? Did you notice the other day when I said baby both you and Saul responded? That's when I realized that you loved me. We have been doing this crazy dance for a whole decade. I am tired of pretending babycakes. Your going to have to man up and admit it to yourself.

B: Be a man and own it! Stop being a little pussy......I love You and I plan on taking very good care of us and the kids.

06/08/2015

B: I miss you papito.
I wish we could go for a Ride...makeout where ever you wanna go.
you so sexy primo yo te queiro.
I miss your babyface with your sweet dimples mi amor.
your crazy ways and style.. I even like your little temper tantrums.
my pet. I want to hold you boo.
I 'm luv sick. Ease my sorry heart. I miss you so.
Hasta manana muy Papi.

06/09/2015

B: Good morning papito.
I finally got some sleep it's been almost 5 days since I've gotten more than 3 hours of sleep.
I still can't eat. I wish you would feed me. Be with me boo. I know this relationship seems impossible but in time all this hype will die down and we can lay low for awhile. I am looking into saving more money for our dream house. I have a little over $1000. I assume a couple more thousand and we will be good to go.
let me know what I can do to hold you in my arms. Please I want you in my life sweetie.

B: I know your hurting honey, I am hurting too. We don't have to. Just come clean, you will be so glad you did. We have been harboring this guilt for years. It is coming out now because it's time to allow ourselves to be able to make one another  happy. I am not listening to them it's not their call to make. It's ours. Feel ashamed a little and speak from the heart. That's what I did with Saul and they'll understand someday that we were destined to be if they haven't noticed already which I am pretty sure they have. When our eyes meet and the way we blush.

B: Saul was the man between us, not the other way around. You just got beat to the punch. your only downfall right now is your cowardice pussy way your being. You could have had me from hello, but you didn't ever assure me that you wanted me. I'll leave you alone if that's what you want. Is that what you really want? I am going to see my family soon. I would love to bring you with us. My mom is worried about me. I have a few places we can stay. I'm going for the 4th. I hope you come. We'll be back by August.

B: Don't be sad papito. I don't like to see you like this. Let me in and I'll kiss that heart of yours and make it all better. We have an opportunity for a fresh start together. The only thing holding you back, is YOU. Your family will forgive you they always do, you need to put your foot down and fight for me now if you want there to be an us. Carpe Diem, which means seize the day. Don't be afraid and don't delay, nothing can seize you, and no one will please you the way I will honey, be the man I know you could be.

B: Show some confidence that well overcome all this and be together. I know you got it in you. Please, no more police, no more drama, just be real and it's not your fault the heart wants what it wants no matter how crazy it sounds you should never fight it. Just embrace it cuz your luck is changing and I am waiting for you at the finish line. I'll help you lick your wounds and be faithful to you and only you.
Well I proved my love to you as much as I could. This is your last chance to make things right in our lives. Maybe I have too much faith in you and I am being overly optimistic, but I can't help loving you.

B: Please don't keep me in the dark let me in and tell me how your feeling. I am a great listener. I need this in order to move on. I am staying at Hogans this weekend. I would like it if you join me so we can work this out.

B: Just have faith my love.

B: Baby cakes, How long had it been since you made love? It seems like an eternity. Please lets not waste anymore time. I'm waiting eagerly for you, sweet dreams. If you have a chance to sneak out and steal the key to the scooter and visit me tonight.. Its my scooter. I have the title right here in my name so your safe babe. I'm wicked horny.

B: Pretty please with whip cream on top and a cherry. I have ice cream and a nice comfy bed with NetFlix and smokes. I'm been craving you for five months and I am about to burst honey.

B: Missy is out for the night. The kids are asleep and I am all by my lonesome and I want you so bad that my naa naa is clenching with fire. I am going to rock your world babycakes. I am preparing the naa naa to your eating. I wish you were here instead of there.

B: I want you so bad it hurts.
just come tapping on my window. Maybe pull a Christina.
LOL!

B: Oh shit, Missy is home in her room.

B: I'm watching a movie. Have you ever seen The Bible?

B: She just told me that her uncle passed away and she is taking a trip to Atlanta. House will be my oyster soon. Don't believe everything you hear from Saul. He is talking out of his ass.
Although the both of them are liars and fibbers.

B: Just come papi.

B: Park the scooter down the street and walk through the backyard gate. Come through the back, but b super quite so the bitch doesn't hear you. She suspect's something because I'm wearing something sexy to bed.
you will definitely likey. I hope you come soon cuz I am about to fall asleep. I don't care just wake me. I am going to take a power nap.
...........................................................
I did take a nap and when I woke up no sign of Primo.

B: I'm missing you.
Another lonesome night without my boo to cuddle up to.
Sweet dreams Jellybeans.

B: I wish you felt the same way about me that I feel for you. It is a shame that we may never be together. I guess I must have been wrong about you. I am sure there must be some gorgeous creature out there for me. I was just hoping it was you.

B: Dueces mi amore.

When I woke up that morning I was surprised to see a sign. There was a beautiful fresh flower laying on the dining room table. I asked Missy if she put it there and she had not. It had to of been Primo. What did he come in and watch me sleep and not woken me up?
I thought ok..... He must b shy. I will give him another chance. Since I know that fresh flowers are usually his signature trademark.

B: The back door is unlocked. I'm waiting.

No sign of him. I was beginning to feel a little hopeless. My birthday was right around the corner and I was dreading being alone.

Chapter 42: Professing my love to Primo

06/03/2015

Text message from B to Primo......

B: Hey loverboy

Are you feeling free today?

Thanks to you I haven't really slept or ate a full meal in 4 months. Last night I ran at 3am to let out all this pent up angst. I hate not being able to touch you. Especially now that I see you. FUBAR!

B: Baby cakes, please let me in on what your feeling. I need to know.

B: I can get that out to you tonight if u want.

B: What's good, after midnight? Just name the place.

Primo: At my house.
u cant come non. Now?

B: No, it will have to be later.
I have to put the kids to bed.

The head curran doesn't want me to go. So I have to sneek out on the scooter. 

B: hello?

desculpe mano. Donde esta eres tu?

Wake up u lazy ass. The kids are asleep.

B: Do you still need that? Whats up?
(I was talking about bringing him cigarettes.)

B: Boo u need to get a phone mi amore.

B: Ok. well I'm still going out for a ride. I 'll just bring your pack with me, in case you are home . Otherwise your axed out.

B: I bet you fell asleep.

mula!

B: Ok it has been 5 hours since you text me last. I know your ass aint sleeping cuz u were just at my door like 1 hour ago. I am out and about and I really need to talk to you anywAy so call me.

B: I'm sorry for loving you.
I wish I could've been the one woman in your life but guess I am not good enough.

I know you don't trust me for the way we started our journey was all off.
I think we deserve eachother.
I know I need you and I believe you need me too.

B: Your brother says that you could never love me because you don't have a heart, that you can't even love yourself.
Do you think what he says is true?
Deep in my heart I know he is wrong.
You just have a hard time believing in yourself.

B: Lately I have been feeling that way myself. I have been so depressed and in limbo for years now.
I KNOW you have too.
Why do you think that is?

B: Perhaps we can start out with a clean slate.
I don't think I can be your sister or friend anymore.
That is probably what you want anyway.

B: I know all this sounds so crazy. Believe me I have tried to analyze over and over and all I can come up with is that love makes people do and say the crazziest things sometimes because you want to be in control of the situation so bad, but it is really up to the other person when the ball is in the others court.

B: I am dying inside because you are not writing me back. Please I need some answers from you.

(I waited around the corner to hear from him and stepped out to stare at the moon.)

B: oh I am sure I sound like a little miss know it all now to you. When I really don't know shit.
I am sitting outside looking at the moon and wondering if you're even home.
I could knock on the door, but I won't.
I think I have had my heart stomped on enough for one day.
I hate being the fool.
I figuered it was worth a shot.

B: I know you are probably forwarding every thing to Saul right now.
That is the reason why I broke it off with him the other night because I did not want him or anyone else to come between us again.
Do you believe this to be the noble thing?

B: He really was kind about it. Like it was time that we go our seperate ways.
I did love Saul, just not the way I love you.
I really do wish it weren't true, but the heart knows what it wants.
Now I know the mind can't win over the heart.
I just hope it is not too late for us.
I cannot lie to myself anymore.

(I fell asleep by the pool area on a lawn chair that night. A bunch of teenagers woke me up skinny dipping at the break of dawn.)

I needed to see my babycakes so I knocked on his door. He answered the door a crack and said,
"My father is sleeping, go away."
I retorded,
"C'mon Primo I am not going anywhere till you let me in."

Then I sat at his front door and dozed off.

Papa found me lying out front and asked me,
"B what are you doing? Come in and lie down. Get off the ground."
I would admit that I was tired so I layed in my Papa's bed to catch some rest. When I woke up Primo was gone. He texted me.

06/04/2015

Primo: yo
hey
yoooooooo
hello i know u hear me

B: NO! I am mad at you.
I want to go to the beach but I have no money for gas. I am about to break down cuz I am on E.

Primo: wtf.

B: Do you want to go to the beach?

(Then I sent some text messages pretending to be another guy that got a hold of my phone to try and see if he would get jelous. I know he did. Doesn't that gotta say something about how he feels for me?)

B: I know you are there.
Jelous much.
Those were my intentions.
I can b very popular when I want to b.
I was known as the preetiest girl in highschool.

B: I know you probably better then you know yourself.
C'mon please talk to me.
I want to help. Let me in.'
I wish you would confide in me.

B: I need you.
Feeling a little lost here.
I am lying here in bed with Jr's hand on my back.
He is so cute.
He knows I'm sad.
Fell asleep like that and doesn't want to let go.

(This was one of the last times I had my baby next to me.
Funny how children suspect your inevitable seperation from them before your even able to anticipate it yourself. If I had known I would have never left his side.)

B: Do you wanna go see Ashleigh b4 she goes to MA on June 7?

B: Well I guess I am about to go to the beach by myself. I have a lot of smoking to do.
(I still had his smokes).

Primo met up with me outside and we took a ride to Clearwater beach.

The view was beautiful it was close to sunset. I asked him,

"Do you wanna ride down to Sand Key Beach?" He agreed.

As we drove over the bridges towards the beach I wrapped my arms around him and put my hand on his thigh.
I could see my Jägermeister strap flapping in the wind hitting my calf.
It was sexy, he was sexy, but the wind was kind of chilly.
I tucked my cold nose in between his shoulder blades to stop the wind from smacking me in the face.

He smelled so good. I felt his beautiful curly locks brush against my forehead and I hugged him really close from behind.
I wonder if he could feel how hot I was with him sitting in between my legs. I desired to just wrap my legs completely around him.
Instead I placed my chin on his shoulder so I could see his expression in the mirror.
I kissed the back of his neck slightly.
Then he pulled over and caused some drama and said
 "Cut that shit out or we are not going."
 I said,
"I'm sorry I can't help that my eyecandy taste so good."

I begged him to go and told him that I really needed to talk to him.

I think he just wanted to hear me beg.

When we got to the beach we just barely caught the sunset.
I told him to
"come on"
and ran ahead of him onto the beach.
I sat next to him and watched it finally settle and explained to him why my behavior has been a little off.
I started out with,
"You know Primo, love makes you do the damndest things. I woke up and realized what I have been neglecting and running from, is you. The way I feel about you scares the hell out of me and I am in love with you my darling. I always have loved you and I suppose I always will. Please tell me you feel the same way? I can't be with anyone else if it is not you."

Primo said,
"I just don't feel that way about you."
B's heart dropped,
"So your telling me that you can show your face and say your in love with all your babies mama's, but you can't learn to love me, and give us a chance? That's just not fair!"

I ran up to the shore and let the waves crash over my feet.
I looked into the sea and yelled up to the star's.
"You lied to me universe."

Then I climbed on top of the life gaurd station and cried.

Primo said,
"B you married my brother. Your my sister and law."

I told him,
"I married the wrong brother.
I told you how I  felt about you long before I married him hoping you would have stepped up for once and stopped me from making the biggest mistake of my life.
I have only needed to be with you, not him.
I have realized that I can't live my life this way anymore when I was having sex with Saul and imagining it was you.
It felt so wrong.
I want to be having sex with my babycakes and only you. Why can't I be the one?
I know we are connected in someway.
I know you're the one for me, your my soulmate."

I layed on the lifegaurd chair sobbing.

Primo said, "C'mon B let's go." I just threw the keys at him and said "Go! I don't care anymore just leave me here."

Then all of a sudden I felt like running as fast as I could through the surf till I couldn't run no more and dropped to my knee's in the water. I ran my finger's through the sand and water. It felt like quicksand between my fingers. I continued to cry. Maybe Primo is right. I am acting like a dork right now, so let me get out of here this is ridiculous.

The breeze was cold against my skin. I changed in the moonlight out of my bathing suit and into some dry clothes. It felt as if Primo was watching me, but I was not able to see anything.
By the lifegaurd station I looked for the key.
I threw at Primo and couldn't find it.
I saw a flashlight coming towards me and it was a park ranger letting me know that the park was closed.

I told the ranger ok.

As I approached the parking lot I saw my scooter, but no Primo. I told the ranger wait that my friend had the key I yelled out, "Primo"
finally he appeared from out of no where.

I drove us out of there just in time before the ranger locked us in. He seemed a bit nervous about my driving and acted like he was afraid to touch me. I was reading his body language. So I pulled over and let him drive.

Had I known then, what I know now, I wouldn't have let him go. I would have really kissed him like it was my last kiss on Earth, when I saw him turn his back on me and watched him walk up those steps, I wish I would have known it to be the second to last time I would ever see my loverboy and babycakes.
Like he said to me,
"Now I am ghost."

I was losing the loves in my life for being honest with myself and others for the very first time.

This is not how it is supposed to work.....what am I doing wrong?
Were we supposed to continue living a lie for the rest of our lives?
At least I would have been able to see my kid's grow. Now I will never know. I'd much rather live an abusive lie then feel as if I am dying day by day.

I just loved your fine ass so much.

"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" - William Shakespeare 

TALK TO ME (Revolution Song & Lyrics) By; B onnie

June 2015

TALK TO ME 

(Revolution Song & Lyrics)

By; B'onnie

Now you had to go away
I understand that time has
Put us at bay
I promise you this
I'll never give up on you
Sending letters sealed with a 💋
To give you hope that I'm still here when the day finally appeared I waited for you all morning my dear
But then our father picked you up and it was important that I talked to you and divulged all this stuff.

Why don't you talk to me?
Please hold me in your arms
Please baby talk to me
I know that we can be somehow
Just talk to me.

When I finally had the chance
You took me for that ride and fulfilled all of my dreams
I didn't know it at the time
But people who were complex came between us
You see it happens all the time
Everyone was confused
Because we were in denial
That we were in cahoots
Your parents did declare
That they didn't want me
near you
And that made us very sad

Why don't you talk to me?
Didn't we make a connection?
Why don't you talk to me
I can't handle your rejection
Just talk to me!

I'm crying on the telephone
And now my gut is wrentching
Like torture
And I am crawling on the floor
I feel lonely and confused
That knowing I had been used
To face the truth once more
It could have been our little girl
That I always wanted with you Papi
Mi Amor

Why don't you talk to me?
My body is sprawled upon the ground.
Why don't you talk to me?
I am now dancing like a clown.

Just talk to me !!! 

Chapter 41- The Truth Comes Out

05/29/2015

I told Saul the truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me GOD. I told him how I had fallen in love with Primo. 

Saul said, "Primo won't ever love you. He doesn't even have a heart. He doesn't even know how to love himself." 

Saul was just trying to deter me from following my heart. I knew deep down Primo had a big heart and I know he loved himself more than he probably should. Whether he was capable of loving me, well I was determined to find out the truth. I was free to just being me. I felt so good for once, like I was finally living my life to its true potential. I was so happy that I was floating on cloud 9, and Primo was being released from jail in 3 more days, and I couldn't wait to tell him in person how I really felt.

06/03/2015

I crawled out of bed and I left that morning knowing that Primo was going to be released from jail in just a few hours. I couldn't sleep anyway because I was feeling anxious. I just wanted to see him really and give him a huge hug. I still wasn't really sure about telling him how much I loved him, but I figuered that would come out in due time. It was 5am and I was hoping he would get out before 7am when the kids got ready for school, but Primo didn't. Later that day I found out that his father picked him up.

I hurried to get the boys off to school and then rushed home to get all dressed up for Primo to see me. He answered the door and I believe he likey. I was wearing my silk dress and white heels with the gold trim. He seemed to be tired so he layed back down on the couch. I had absolutely no inhibitions any longer for now I was a free woman. I layed right on top of him and I told him that I missed him. He held me and I know this caught him off gaurd a bit. He finally had a chance to smell  me and feel my body once again. Primo started to get a hard on. Then I smelled him and he did not smell very good so I told him, 

B: "Primo you stink. Go wash your ass and lets get out of here and go shopping." 

He jumped up got all excited and went in the shower. I followed him and kept talking to him as he took a shower. I asked him, 

B: "Did you get my letters?" 

Primo stated he did and said,

Primo: "Yeah B, what was that all about?" 

Then I mentioned,

B: "I was bored and I really really missed you. Why didn't you write back?" 

Primo said, "B I can't write, but I can draw. I'll show you as soon as I get out." 

As he said that I dropped my dress down to the floor and told him that, 

B: "I've been working out just for you. How do I look babe, I dropped 20 lbs?"

Then I opened the shower curtain to see his body all wet, soapy, and dripping from his biceps. He was so totally hot and showing me a nice view of his cute little buns. I twirled around so he could get a good view of my bum as well. Then I got back to being dressed allowing him to finish up his shower and stew for a few minutes about what he just saw. It didn't take him long. When he walked out he instantly made me a proposition saying,

Primo: "I will fuck you if you buy me a phone. " I retorded, 

B:"No thank you, you would fuck me either way you dog!" 

He was trying really hard to be convincing by telling me, 

Primo: "No really B let's go. Right here, right now." 

I said,

B: "Really dude? On your parents bed. No way!" 

Then I changed the subject. Now looking back I should have went for it, but I didn't want to seem too easy. I like teasing and being chased.

I filled Primo in on a new business proposition that I had for him. I wanted to go all in with just him 50/50. I started a website platform called Boston Auto Detailing and spent $100 on the flyers. I was starting to network and make connections. Unfortunately, all that time, money, and patience was wasted because we never got it up and running.

Then we went food shopping. I could tell he was undressing me with his eyes and I told him to get whatever he wanted. Mistakenly another customer thought we were a couple and he called me babe. I had an instant flashback of when we were together before and I had to run around looking for a bathroom because I was pregnant. It was almost like we were picking up right where we had left off. As we approached the checkout counter he noticed my card. He was like, 

Primo: "B what's that?" 

It had his last name on it. I told him, 

B: "Food stamp's." 

It must have all of a sudden dawned on him that my last name was Sanchez because I was still married to his brother and that I had no money, but only food stamps. Which was true for I spent my last dollar paying off his lawyer and stocking up his canteen in jail.

There was a possibility that he had been contemplating about me getting divorced, but in my mind I was thinking what the fuck is the point if I am just going to turn around and be with him? At least then I can still carry his name and we won't even have to get married and it would be an easy fix just change the first name on the marriage certificate we won't even have to pay a dime if we wish. Too funny, but true.

Then after we got back to the house who shows up walking through the door but Saul. Saul start's to bitch me out, 

Saul: "What are you doing here?" 

I said, 

B: "What does it look like? I'm seeing Primo." As I said that Primo stood up and walked into the other room. 

Saul said, "Well this is my parents house and your not allowed to be here. My brother should not have let you in." 

I told Saul, 

B: "Why because you say so? Well he did because he is his own man and makes his own decisions and is not an asshole like you. It is a free country mano. I don't know who the hell you think you are. Right Primo?" 

Primo stated, "I am out of this B." 

I said, B: "No, no, no, no, no you my friend are very much a part of this I think it is about time we all sit down and discussed exactly what we all should have said a long time ago."

Primo changed the subject by showing off his drawings. The first drawing I saw was of me, but he quickly covered it up so Saul didn't see it. I briefly caught a glimpse of it remembering a photo of me that I sent him in jail. I was really glad he used me as one of his muises, that was really sweet and made me feel super special. I wish I could have looked at it a little bit longer, but I understood what he was trying to do.

Primo then asked, "What is going on between you two?" 

I answered, 

B: "I broke it off with your brother a few days ago." 

Primo said, "What , but why?" 

Saul retorded, "What, you haven't heard yet? She is in love with you mano." 

I mumbled, 

B: "Just terrific! This is not exactly the way I intended to tell him."

B pushed, "Please, spare me. Let's not beat around the bush like the both of you didn't know. Enough with the games, you have both been playing me for a very long time let's put all the cards on the table like the grown adults we are for everyone to see. I am sick of lying to myself and everyone else. Let's stop sneaking around and be honest with eachother." 

Then B directed her attention towards Saul, 

B: "Saul I never meant to hurt you, but you know that it is no surprise that I have slept with your brother. First of all you knew about it from the beginning  11 years ago  and acted like you forgave me, then threw it in my face every second you had a chance." 

Then she directed her attention to Primo 

B: "Primo you picked up the brunt of making me happy where your brother was lacking it was like having the best of both worlds. If I could put you both into one body you would be the perfect man for me."

Then Saul started fucking around with our heads saying, 

Saul: "OK what do you want? You want the both of us? You want to have a threesome?" 

I was like, 

B:"Serious Saul? Nevermind, I need a drink I'm outta here." I looked over to Primo and said, "Are you coming?" 

Of course Saul had to add himself to the equation which made it virtually impossible to get Primo to myself. Then I asked the question, 

B: "Babe?" 

and they both answered. 

Shit! 

All of a sudden it dawned on me that I have to give Primo his very own nickname. I thought about it and named him babycakes because I love him like a fat kid loves cake. I also want my cake and ice cream, and I like to get to eat it too. Oh no, what did I get myself into? Well it is too late now. What's done is done and there is no turning back.

This I am regrettfully telling you now was the biggest mistake of my life getting involved with two brothers at the same time. My karmic debt has been paid. It's over.